The Sweetest Lies
by Fresh C
Summary: Naota vows to tell only the truth, but that doesn't mean he's honest. As he works to keep his band together the lives of three others become tangled in his web of truth and only honesty can set them free. COMPLETE
1. Assembling the Band

**A/N:** This story is like none other I have ever written. It will often switch point of view and possibly style. I've even added a commentary for no apparent reason. A line of x's indicates a scene change or a change inpoint of view.Just remember that at heart this is a story about honesty.

**Assembling the Band**

The day she came back again was probably one of the best nights of my life. We met up on the remains of the Medical Mechanica plant for a midnight picnic. I really didn't want to go up there after all these years, but she insisted. Whenever she insisted, it seemed that I always gave in and I really never understood why.

As we sat side-by-side eating our food, I was struck by the eccentric nature of what we were doing. Sitting atop an abandoned factory while eating curry sandwiches under the bright glow of the stars. The setting was exotic, romantic, and crazy. It reminded me of something a person would do after having a mental break down. I think it fit Haruko almost perfectly. The only thing that was missing was the moon.

"Why'd you do it?" I asked quietly as we gazed into the stars.

"Do what?" she asked in a mock innocent voice that I almost took seriously. _Almost_.

"Why'd you get rid of the moon?"

She laughed at me a little and twirled her hair between her fingers. It was like a cheep imitation of a girl in an adolescent movie.

"No one can get rid of the moon, Ta-kun."

"Then why isn't it there? Last night was a full moon and tonight it's nowhere to be seen."

"Do you really want it? What did it do for you anyways?" I thought her question was quite ridiculous. Nevertheless, it took me some time before I was able to answer her.

"It does lots of things! It gives us light at night and… it keeps the tides going."

"The tides aren't messed up now are they? They flow more freely. So what difference does it make?"

"That's not the point! It's supposed to be there, it's always been there!"

"Yet once a month it's always gone."

"It's… it's good that it's here! Its glow is comforting!" I didn't realize I was yelling in her face till long after the fact.

"Yeah. But look at how bright the stars are without it." She unexpectedly leaned her head onto my shoulder and whispered, "You don't need it, you only think you do."

Seeing Haruko like that was very rare and I couldn't yell at her anymore.

"I just miss it is all. Weather it's good or bad for me doesn't matter. I just want it there."

"It's still there," she said quietly. "No one can get rid of the moon. You can only move it out of sight."

"Don't leave me again, Haruko."

"I won't."

We sat under the stars for the rest of the night, just talking a lot about nothing. She told me that she came back just to see me. She told me that she was amazed at how much I'd grown. She told me she missed me. She told me she couldn't bring herself to leave again.

The following morning she was gone. The moon did not return that night.

Two weeks later I began to assemble my band

* * *

"Do you want to join Ninamori?"

At the time I couldn't believe that Naota would ask me to be in his band. Sure, there were many practical reasons why he would. I'm probably the best singer in our grade. Not to mention one of the few people he knows that he pretends is a friend. But I still didn't expect him to ask me to sing for him. He's the kind of person who doesn't ask anyone for anything.

Normally I would have responded with some witty remark but I was so shocked I said the first thing that came to mind.

"Okay."

Naota went back to eating his lunch and I was left to stare at him in slight confusion. I didn't mind though. I always thought he was a nice sight. Gaku and Masashi weren't quite as content.

"Can I be in your band?" asked Gaku energetically. I always thought that he should be put on some kind of medication but didn't have the heart to tell him. "I can play the drums!"

"No," said Naota without emotion or any hint of farther explanation. Gaku instantly deflated.

"So you already have a drummer. I understand."

"No I don't have a drummer. I just don't want you to do it." I couldn't help but feel that it would have been more merciful for him to just lie.

"Why won't you let Gaku do it?" asked Masashi. He was more than a little upset at the way Naota was treating his friend. "He's not good enough for you?"

"No, he isn't. I've seen him play. He's fast but he's sloppy. He makes too many mistakes and he doesn't even realize he's making them. Plus he's too excitable. In front of a crowd he'd be just as likely to piddle on the floor as he would be to play the drums." Naota went back to eating his food.

Gaku looked remarkably hurt. I didn't expect him to be so sensitive. Masashi looked ready to hit Naota at any moment. I'm sure if I could have looked at my own face I'd have looked shocked. But the most interesting face of all seemed to be Naota's.

His face was oddly contorted. The edges of his mouth were slightly raised like he was smiling. But his forehead was furrowed. Almost like he was angry or concentrating very hard. His eyes were the worst. I could see something odd in them. Like a mixture between pride and fear. I seriously doubted all these emotions could exist together.

"How could you say that?" A brief silence had settled between the four of us and Masashi decided to break it.

"Because it's true," said Naota without missing a beat. He turned around in his chair to face his accuser. "How would you like to join the band Masashi? We need a bass guitarist."

"I wouldn't join your band if you paid me."

"I will pay you. We're all going to get paid." I found that a little hard to be believe. Who would pay to listen to a bunch of high school kids play?

"Save it Naota." Masashi rose to leave. "Any band that's too good for Gaku isn't good enough for me." Nevertheless I could swear I saw a spark in his eye at the mention of money.

As he and Gaku walked away I could see some slight distress on Naota's face. His dreams of a band seemed to be falling around him.

"Don't let him bring you down," he called after them. "Practice is tomorrow after school behind the old MM plant."

"Screw you!" said Gaku.

"I'll have your money Masashi," said Naota and he went back to eating. Once again I was left staring at him in confusion. Where had this Naota come from?

"What was that all about?" I asked with a smirk.

"Curse of the music business."

"Brings out the worse in some of us, huh?" I favored him with a smile that he could not return.

"Something like that," he said. And there was silence.

"So why start a band all of a sudden?"

"I won't tell you unless you really want to know." This was a statement, but I took it as a question.

"Yes I want to know."

"You probably don't."

"I said I do."

"Fine, but don't interrupt. Two weeks ago I realized something was missing in my life. It was something big that you can't replace. Its glow was so wonderful that it stifled the stars and its pull was so great that it moved the seas."

He was making no sense at all to me. I was so confused that I had to interrupt him.

"Are you talking about the moon?" I asked. But he ignored me. In fact he just continued to talk over me.

"It's gone now and I realize that I really want it back. I used to just love to look at it for hours on end. Dreaming of what it would be like to be as magnificent as it is. But as great as it was, it went in search of something greater. So the question is how do you keep the moon when it's chasing after the sun?"

He paused and looked at me as if he actually expected me to answer. I of course said nothing.

"To keep the moon you have to become brighter than the sun!" I could see him smiling then and there was definitely something odd about it. For a second he looked almost crazy.

"Naota, what does any of this have to do with a band? Besides missing the moon is foolish." I realized I had touched a nerve when I saw a flash of pain cross his face.

"Then maybe I'm just a-" But he stopped talking when I placed my hand upon his.

"Forget it Naota. I was wrong." I got up to leave but did not let his hand free. His face turned from one of pain to one of confusion. He kept glancing at his hand and back to me.

"I really didn't want to know."

I left him to do the staring this time as I silently laughed at one simple truth: to an adolescent boy, all touches are teases.

* * *

If God is a writer then the world is a book. Humans are the characters and our lives are the stories.

If our lives are all stories then each day is a chapter. Each action is a sentence and every thought is a word.

If God is a writer then philosophers are critics. A prophet is like a friend who ruins the story by telling the ending.

If God is a writer then he's writing my story.

If God is a writer, I don't think he's a very good one.

My name is Sanji Miyamoto. It's a name that was created by my American parents in order to make me seem more Japanese. My parents' last name was Smith. They always told me it was a common last name in America, but I think it would suit me better than Miyamoto.

I have many problems and most of them I don't think it would be smart to tell. When you're a cheesy original character designed to fill a gap in a story, it's best not to lay all your cards down on the table. I will, however, reveal to you my main problem.

I think too much. This in itself is not a problem. But the more I think, the more I see things the way they really are. The more I think, the more I realize that things aren't the way I want them. The more I think, the more I recognize how unhappy I am. The more I think, the more half-baked theories I come up with to make me happy.

My latest theory was that I just needed a hobby. I thought, 'all you need is just one thing that can divert your attention from your troubled mind.' So three months ago I took to playing music. I started with the violin. It's a delicate instrument that can move the soul. It took me a month to master the basic mechanics but I became pretty good. My old orchestra teacher thought I was a protégé of some sort. Then my parents died and I no longer felt like moving the soul.

A judge granted me the right to live on my own since I am 17 and almost a man. My parents were the only family I have in Japan, but they had many friends. I moved in with a man named John Gregory, one of my parents' friends that also came from America. He owns a bar in Mabase where many bands play. It was there that I learned the joys of the drums.

Playing the drums differ from the violin in many vital ways. As I mentioned before, the goal of a violin player is to move the soul. The goal of a drum player is to move the feet. Its purpose is plain, simple, and arguably easy, yet the drums have a way of bringing temporary joy to both the player and listeners alike.

I practice in the band room at high school everyday after school. It was here that Naota found me. I didn't hear him enter since I was very involved in my playing. I had just finished a complicated combination that I had composed myself. I don't think I would have ever noticed his presence if he hadn't started to clap.

"I don't believe I wrote that part into my composition," I say in a way that I thought was cool enough.

"I'm sorry to interrupt you, but I couldn't help myself." He gave me a wide smile that seemed surprisingly genuine. "You play extremely well. You're the first drummer I've met who could play a complete song with no accompaniments."

"Actually I don't believe we've met at all."

"I'm Naota Nandaba and I want you in my band." He offered his hand to me and I shook it.

"I'm Sanji Miyamoto and I'm not interested," I said. I noticed his face fall a bit at my words, but only for a second.

"Playing in a band could be very beneficial for you."

"And how's that?"

"You're a new kid in school. By joining my band you'll make at least three new friends right off the bat. Plus there are the girls involved. Women love guys in a band."

"You're making several assumptions, Naota was it? First of all, you're assuming that I like you and will like whoever else is in your band. You're also assuming that I want a girlfriend."

Once again my new acquaintance appeared to be flustered. He seemed to be concentrating on what to say next. Even then, when I first met him, it struck me as odd how easy it was for me to read his face.

"Every guy wants a girl, for one reason or another. Even gay men want to want women. Besides, you know you like me. People who are honest are more popular."

I had to smile at that. The guy had a lot of what my father would call spunk. He was right too. I couldn't help but like this kid for reasons I didn't quite understand at the time. I decided to tell him so.

"Sure, I like you well enough, but I don't think I trust you. A man is only honest when he has nothing to lose. Honesty doesn't require one to tell the whole truth."

"If you want to know all the truth, then ask me all the questions."

"Ok, I will. Why do you want me in your band."

"You're the best drummer within 5 miles of Mabase."

"Is this the first time you've herd me play?"

"No. It's more like the 6th or 7th."

"Why do you want to start a band?"

"The same reason you took up playing the drums. I think something's missing in my life and I may have found a way to be happy again."

"Who else is in your band?"

"There's myself, of course. I'll be playing lead guitar. Our lead singer is Eri Ninamori. You may have heard of her. She's got the top grades in our class. The girl has a voice like an angel and she's not a bad sight either. And last but not least there's my friend Masashi playing on base guitar. Well I doubt he thinks I'm much of a friend right now, but I'm 90 percentsure he'll play with us. He's a good guy, but he has some troubles accepting things the way they are."

"That's all well and nice, but are you guys any good?"

"We will be if you join us. So will you? They'll even be money involved."

I turned all this information over in my mind. It really did seem like a nice deal. I'd get to play some music, make some friends, and earn a little money as well. In a matter of seconds I had made up my mind.

"No, I don't think I'll join."

"What?" His face said it all. He had expected me to gladly accept his offer.

"I said I don't think I'll join. You're a nice guy and all Naota, but I really don't see much advantage in this for me."

"Then what were we just discussing for the past 10 minutes?"

"You said yourself that I really don't need any accompaniments. The only drummer you've heard that sounded great all by himself. Why would I spoil that image by joining a band?"

Naota unexpectedly responded with a command.

"Play something on your drums again." I hesitantly did as I was told.

"Now what do you feel?" he asked me with an annoying tone of superiority.

"Nothing." He smirked at me in a way I didn't like at all.

"My point exactly. Practice is Tuesday after school behind the Medical Mechanica plant, the old broke down one that looks like an iron. You do know where it is, don't you?"

"Yeah I know where it is, but I didn't agree to join your band."

His smirk didn't leave his face as he uttered some final words to me.

"Just make sure you're ready to play for real. No more faking like you've been doing." And with those words he left the room.

For a few minutes I didn't quite know what had happened. The conversation had been going my way but somewhere along the line I missed something. It wasn't till I got home that night that I realized how angry I was. How could some guy just walk up to me and have the nerve to say I'd be in his band.

I cursed and swore under my breath a lot that night. I just couldn't believe someone would have the audacity. Nevertheless, when Tuesday evening came around I found myself behind the MM plant with my drum set at the ready.

* * *

On Tuesday April 1st four teenagers assembled themselves behind an old abandoned factory. It was a chilly evening and ironically none of them had remembered to bring a jacket. All of them new that they needed to be there, yet only two of them actually knew why they had come. The cold wind threw the two guitars out of tune and valuable time was wasted fixing that problem. However, there was a sense of purpose in the air that went beyond the loosening and tightening of strings. A monumental moment had occurred. It was a moment that in many years to come VH1 would classify as "The beginning of the Missing Moons."

Truthful Commentary:

As I stated in the Author Notes up above, this story is largely about honesty. I could not create a story with action that centered mostly on a concept so I just randomly threw in the band element, which will dominate the majority of the story. Through this story I plan on displaying honesty at its purest form. You (the reader) will be offered pure honesty through the view of the characters and narration. This is not to say that everyone in the story is honest. Quite the contrary in fact. The only person whose view you can trust 100 is the person whose eyes you are currently seeing the story through. As the author of such a fan fiction I feel that I must level with you completely.

If this story seems well planned out, it's not. Most of this all comes off of the top of my head. I'm trying to fit as many genres as possible into this story because life isn't divided into sections. I'm not sure if I'm accurately depicting any of the characters in FLCL with this story. I'd like to think I've added my own special twist to all of them. I think my favorite character in this story has to be Sanji only because he admits to the simple fact that he is "a cheesy original character designed to fill a gap in a story." One thing you all must know about me is that I really do appreciate reviews. I believe that all authors are review whores at heart. I also don't plan on ever mentioning that again. I'm not sure if I plan on adding a commentary to each chapter, so you'll all have to tell me whether you like it or not. I also used the word I way too much in the second half of this commentary. I hope you all enjoyed it because I have no idea when you'll see the next chapter.


	2. Starting Up Is Hard To Do

**A/N:** When you see a "$" That means that there will be a reference in the commentary. Enjoy!

**Starting Up Is Hard To Do** $

Every step I took toward the Medical Mechanica plant filled my heart with dread. Yesterday I had sworn to myself that I wouldn't even listen to Naota's band and today I was going to ask him to join. Heck, I would have even begged him if he made me. During the walk there I got to thinking. What could make a man change his mind so strongly and so quickly? What could cause a man to go against everything he believes is right? What could motivate a person to betray his best friend? The answer is simple and it's printed on rectangular pieces of paper all over the world.

Grandpa always used to say that money was the cause of all evil. I used to think he was just paranoid, but life has turned me into a believer. Grandpa used to say a lot of things before… life changed for us. As I get older I'm finding out that most of them are truer than I ever wanted to believe. He also used to say, "you can lead a horse to water, but it's easier to ride him!"$ He'd then laugh his little cackling laugh as if what he said was the funniest thing in the world. I'd usually just stare at him and roll my eyes, but try as I might I couldn't ruin his fun. If I ever get the chance to hear his joke again I'll make sure to laugh twice as hard as he does.

I think Naota and Grandpa would have gotten along just fine. The kid didn't just lead me to joining his band, he saddled me up and let the whip fly. So as I approached our "practice studio" I couldn't help but feel a little anger toward the guy.

"Hey Masashi, glad you made it!" he called in what I'm sure was supposed to be a genuine tone. I couldn't shake the feeling that he was mocking me in some way.

"You won't be needing that," he says as he points at my base guitar. "I've got a better one over there for you to play." He gestured to a blue base guitar that was sitting in a case on the grass.

"What's so great about that guitar?"

Naota just smiled and said, "It's worth more than your life."

_Jerk _

"Whatever," I say as evenly as I can. After all I still did need the guy. "I am going to get paid today, right?"

"Sure thing," he says as he pulls an envelope out of his book bag. I open it up and I'm more than pleased. I could almost kiss him.

"There's about a thousand yen in here!"

"Yeah. Took me all summer to raise that much. I hope it'll tie you over till we get a gig."

If I had been thinking straight, I would have wondered how he had earned all that money. Later on I would have wondered why I was the only one getting paid that day. In a year I should have come to wonder why Naota even wanted me in his band. But I never asked myself any of these questions, not even for a second, because Naota had given me what I wanted- No! What I needed! It wasn't until he called me his friend that I remembered how much I hated him.

* * *

"Sanji, meet my friends Ninamori and Masashi. Ninamori and Masashi, meet Sanji." 

I shook hands with each of Naota's friends, first Masashi and then Ninamori. Masashi had a pretty nice grip on him and he knew how to use it. I tried not to let my slight pain show as I said, "Nice to meet you." I then turned to shake hands with Ninamori.

Shaking hands with a girl is a lot like milking a cow.$ Unless you do it everyday it's kind of awkward and you don't know how hard to squeeze. That being said I don't think I made much of a first impression on Ninamori. I went into the shake hesitantly and hardly squeezed at all. I figured she was a girl, someone to be handled delicately. She, on the other hand, thought differently. She gripped my hand with no less firmness or strength than any man I'd ever met. I was slightly shocked at her deliberate show of strength, the coldness of her touch, and the softness of her skin. I managed to choke out the words, "Nice to meet you Ninamori."

She gave me a reproachful look and said, "My name is Eri."

"Sorry," I said feeling slightly embarrassed and hoping I didn't show it. "Nice to meet you Eri."

Ninamori slightly smiled and said, "I'm sure it was."

In that precise moment I realized that I was going to have a hard time with her, but for some reason I couldn't help but feel that I'd love every minute of it. Later on I discovered just how wrong I was.

Naota left us to get acquainted as he went to set up the guitars. I was going to ask him how he planned on doing so without any amps here but he had already disappeared into a hole in the wall of the plant caused by the "accident" 5 years ago. I figured it didn't really matter. Naota was the kind of guy who knew what he was doing. Besides, I was too caught up in "Eri" at the moment to give it much serious thought.

You see, Ninamori is the type of girl that isn't stunningly pretty. She's barely beautiful. This is not to say that she's bad looking or even average. In fact she's down right beautiful. Excuse my circular speaking. It's hard for me to describe these types of things. What I'm trying to say is that Ninamori is the type of girl that is drop-dead-gorgeous, but not all the time. One moment she could just be a regular girl, like all the others I've met. Just talking, sitting, or doing whatever. In the next moment you look over at her and something inside you drops.$ You're instantly shocked, surprised, and enticed simply by the look in her eyes or the way that she smiled. But when you look back again whatever spark that was there seems to be gone and she's merely another pretty girl again.

This makes it almost unbearable to be around her. It would be simple if she were just regular because then I'd know how to deal with her. It might even be better if she was constantly extraordinary because I'd know that she was out of my league. But as things stood I didn't know what to think or do around her. So as Naota returned from setting up the guitars, I decided to stick to what I was good at: I would concentrate on the music.

As practice was about to begin I started to wonder why we were even here.

"Naota," I asked, "of all the places we could have met, why'd you choose here?"

He smiled a little in a way that showed he thought this meeting place was pure genius. Yet he seemed a bit embarrassed about the whole ordeal, as I could see a small blush forming on his cheeks.

"This band is going to be the greatest band in all of Japan. I want to shock the world with a sound that they've never heard before. To do that we have to never be heard before we shock the world. Where better to practice in secret than behind an old abandoned factory in the suburbs?"

I realized then that there is something seriously wrong with Naota. You see, in the mind of every good leader is the heart of a dreamer. It's necessary for them to be able to set high goals and work their butts off to achieve them. Naota, however, is not a dreamer. Naota is delusional. When he says that we're going to be the greatest band in all of Japan, he really thinks that we will be the greatest band in all of Japan. To him it isn't a dream, a goal, or even a probability. In his mind it is a fact and that is what caused me to believe that he was crazy.

Yet there is something to be said about a crazy man. Picasso was said to be crazy and he painted some of the world's most beautiful pictures. Naota does the same, yet only with words. I sincerely wanted to believe everything he said and in fact, found it hard not to. I'm sure that if I could have seen myself in a mirror at that moment, I'd have had a face of amazement. I didn't really need a mirror at the time, since I could see a greater magnitude of my own expression displayed on the face of Eri Ninamori. It was a look of pure adoration. The type of wonder you'd think you could only see on a child. When I looked at her my stomach dropped hard and for a second I thought I would cry.

Of course, I didn't cry. I just said, "Sure Naota, that's some good thinking" and finished setting up my drums. Masashi let out a small noise of indignation and the practice was set to begin.

* * *

My mother thought me that music was something that was important to a lady. She always said, "men have their sports and their politics, but the grace and beauty of the vocal arts belongs to a woman." I can't say that my mother and I see eye to eye on many things these days, but I do agree with her on this one point. 

Music is something I've always been able to feel and understand. When I was a baby my mother used to sing with me as her mother sang to her. As I grew older I learned to sing with my mother and eventually to sing alone. My mother encouraged this greatly until about the time I turned 13. The songs I began to sing weren't to her liking. She once caught me singing a little Rock music from an American band. I believe their name was Velvet Revolver. I only found the music accidentally on the Internet and I had no idea what the words I sung meant. My mother of course told me to stop listening to it. I believe her exact words were "Stop singing that American garbage."$ When I asked her why she said, "Because it's garbage." She then suggested that I sing something more traditional.

I've loved rock music ever sense.

So from the first chords strummed on the base guitar by Masashi I was in heaven. He played with an urgency that could not be denied. It was like an invisible hand was extending out and reaching for all that it could find. There was something dark in it… something greedy. However, I was not at all upset that the hand had grasped my soul and bent it toward its selfish desires. Even if I wanted to escape, my feet were glued to the floor.

Sanji came in next on the drums. His rhythm was flawless. Each strike was carefully planned and not a beat was missed between. As he played his drums I felt a certain… nothing. It was the kind of nothing that seems to fill up everything. It had no purpose, yet it created a purpose for itself. It needed to exist so it did. Through its existence it forced you along, pushing you to its own pointlessness and making you question if you should exist as well. I'd like to say it was terrible, but it wasn't. It was actually a very nice rhythm that I found myself swaying to in almost no time at all.

I heard noise coming from the electric guitar in Naota's hand. It was like nothing I've ever heard before. To describe it would be useless so I won't even try.

I started to sing and nothing else mattered.

* * *

_Protagonist _

What does it mean?

_Protagonist _

I'm Naota and you know that's what I am because I have to be. The truth is, I ruled both the anime and the manga and you all no it. Reality doesn't care if you can relate to Sanji, want to know more about Masashi's internal pain, or think that Ninamori is hot. I move the story and I lead the band. There's really no use trying to hide it or trying to mask it. I make the story.

I'm honest to a fault and I have an agenda. No use hiding it, it would have all came out sooner or later. You'll find me saying lines like "all good protagonists are antagonists unto themselves"$. You'll either think, "that's pretty profound" or "what the crap?" In the end it doesn't even matter because I am the main character and the message of the story (whatever it may be) is delivered through me.

I didn't choose this route in life. It just came to me. As such, I have certain responsibilities. All self-references aside, my main responsibility at the time was to look after my band.

I can't claim to be an expert on bands, but I'm no idiot. Practices are a time to find the loose bolts and tighten them. Plain and simple. I know that no band can be perfect. Even if they could they couldn't do it all the time. Still, it's my job to make sure that we try our best to reach perfection, even though it's unattainable.

I also cannot claim to be a music expert. I can feel the music as it's played, but I just can't dissect it like others can. That's I why I asked Ninamori to the Café Bleu.

"This isn't very romantic, Naota," she said as she sat across from me staring dreamily into my eyes in a mocking way. At least I thought it was mocking, until she continued to do so. "Who comes to the Café Bleu and orders a burger and fries?"

"I do and apparently you do to, since you said 'I'll have whatever he's having'."

"So why are we here? Something to do with the band?"

"Yeah," I said and her face fell for a moment, almost as if she'd hoped for something else. She stopped staring at me in that odd admiring way and I think I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding. Could she be more obvious?

"Well what do you need to know? I'm at your service." She gave me a salute and a smile that I hated to love. I found myself smiling despite myself, even though I had tried to make this purely business.

"How did we do today? Be honest."

"As a whole or individually?"

After a little consideration I said, "as a whole first and individually next."

"Hmm," she said while biting her lower lip. "Well I think we did alright, but we didn't mesh as well as I'd have liked. I think the problem is that we don't really have a song we can all relate to. We played a slow song and Masashi killed on it, but Sanji just didn't seem to be enjoying himself. We played a fast one and Sanji was excellent, but a few of us had some trouble keeping up."

At this point I felt something moving under the table.

"I see. So what about individually?"

Whatever it was made contact with my leg providing warmth at the point of contact. I was tempted to look down and see what it was, but I didn't. Ninamori started to talk.

"Well I know I did well. It's just something I'm good at."

I began to nod, but stopped as I realized the thing that made contact with me under the table had begun to move. It went up and down caressing the bottom half of my leg. I understood then that it was Ninamori's foot and that she definitely could be more obvious. The contact provided by her brought back memories of my time with a girl that I used to hang out with by the river. With these memories a feeling of helplessness also came. I couldn't protest, so I listened to her intently.

"Masashi. He was outstanding for the most part, but there was something about his playing that struck me as odd. It was almost as if he needed to be heard, even if it meant overshadowing the rest of us."

I regained my composure a little and managed to speak. "Why are you doing that?"

She smiled and said, "I only tease the boys I like."$

"What about Sanji?" I remembered the conversation the two of them had had before practice and it sounded quite a lot like teasing to me. She didn't stop caressing my leg.

"Oh Sanji is great, but I just don't get that special feeling from him. There's something missing from his playing, ya know? His drums have got no heart." She moved her foot higher and began to massage my thigh. I froze, but I was aware enough to be in awe of her leg extension. It really was amazing that she could reach all the way across the table without making it look like she was doing so.

"He's definitely a great player, but it's hard to listen to him for too long because there's really nothing behind it. After a while you just want him to…"

"Stop."

"Exactly." She missed the point completely.

"No, I mean stop it." I believe she got it that time. She slowly removed her foot from my side of the table, but she did make a deliberate effort to completely trace down my left leg as she withdrew. She gave me the look of a dog that's just been hit with a newspaper and there was an awkward silence which I quickly broke.

"So what about me?"

"You? You're no fun, Naota."

"That's not what I meant and you know it." She let out a sigh and began to speak.

"Naota, when you play it's like…" She paused for a second and then continued. "The way you pluck each note reminds me of… I've never heard anything so…"

"Just spit it out already!" I was growing impatient.

"Naota you're like… the best guitar player the world has ever seen… only…"

"Only?"

"Only backwards."

I was confused so I naturally said, "huh?"

"Have you ever even seen someone play the guitar?" I found that one a little offensive.

"What type of question is that?"

"Well have you?"

I was hesitant to answer this question.

"I've… seen a few people play."

"Like who?"

"My old house maid played a bit." She let out another sigh.

"Is that it?"

"Well I've seen people do it on TV." This time she let out a groan and I was starting to get a little angry.

"What are you playing at anyways? What does it matter if I've seen one person play or a hundred people? Just tell me how I did!"

"Naota… you're one of the worst guitarist I've ever heard. No, you are _the absolute worst_. I've seen better performances on air guitar. In fact, I bet my mother could play better than-"

"I get the point." I couldn't help but hang my head a bit.

"I… just wanted to assemble the greatest band that ever lived. And I think I did… I really did. It's just… I didn't think it would have to go on with out me. I really thought… I could be a part of it." Realizing this had to be one of the worst moments of my life. It was the saddest I'd been in a long time, even counting the morning I woke up and Haruko was gone again. I'm not ashamed to admit that a few tears fell from my eyes.

Ninamori reached across the table and grabbed my hand for the second time in two days.

"It doesn't have to be that way Naota."

"Yeah," I said reluctantly. "I guess I could be the manager or something. I'll go out tomorrow and find my replacement."

"No, that's not what I meant. You could get someone to teach you. I'm sure in time you'd be good enough to play with the rest of us."

Such a simple idea. So simple that it had to be pure genius.

"Ninamori I could kiss you."

"Then why don't you?"

"It'd be too easy."

We both stood up to leave.

"You really are no fun Naota."

"And you really are a tease."

As I walked her home we discussed the finer points of our plans for success. We decided that even though we weren't quite ready to perform it would be wise to find a gig. We still had the problem of a lack of unity to deal with. I came up with a rather ingenious solution: unite us all together by writing a song. I set Ninamori to that task. But the most important step to our ultimate goal was for me to find a teacher.

Truthful Commentary:

I'll first address the points that have "s" by them so that I don't get into to much rambling and forget about them. Everything I address after that could be dangerous to the untrained reader so beware.

I titled this chapter "Starting up is hard to do" as a play on the phrase "breaking up is hard to do".

The phrase Masashi's grandfather uses "you can lead a horse to water but it's easier to ride him" is a play off of the phrase "you can lead a horse to water but you cannot make him drink." I deliberately put this phrase in here because I thought it was pure genius ever since I created it. In fact at the time it felt like I forced it into the story because I had to work the rest of the paragraph around it. You'll find my little nuggets of wisdom placed throughout this story. I, of course, think they're great, but they could just be crap.

"Shaking hands with a girl is a lot like milking a cow" another phrase that I created myself. This one I'm not in love with, but I do think it's very true. In my experience there has always been a great awkwardness in shaking hands with the opposite sex. I don't think it's meant to be done. A hug feels more natural. Am I the only one who's noticed this?

"One moment she could just be a regular girl, like all the others I've met. Just talking, sitting, or doing whatever. In the next moment you look over at her and something inside you drops." I've met several girls like this and I've begun to think that it's not so much them being so great as it is me wanting them to be. Am I pushing my own personal feelings onto Sanji? Maybe, but I'll let you decide. It could be that most guys can relate, but I really don't know.

"Stop singing that American garbage." This is probably the first in a long line of great misinterpretations of Japanese culture by me. The whole thing with Ninamori and her mother is inspired by a small section of the Joy Luck Club that I've read that dealt with mothers who strive toward tradition and daughters who just wanted to fit in in America. Can you say Cliché?

"all good protagonists are antagonists unto themselves." Not much to say here. Just another phrase I like. It means that good main characters mentally torture themselves or something along those lines. I guess I should know since it was my own idea (I think).$

"I only tease the boys I like." I felt like I needed to justify the Ninamori I have created. She's not just a cruel tease. She's a girl with a crush that has run out of ways to get her feelings across. At this point she's known Naota for years and still hasn't gotten him to notice him the way she would like. Plus there were hints of teasing throughout the series… although they weren't as blatant as mine. But what about Sanji?

Twoparagraphs up I said, "it was my own idea (I think)." I added the "I think" in because I really do believe this quote was my own. The problem is that there are times when I sort of "mentally steal" things from others with out knowing it. This quote is probably original, but to me it feels as if it may already be famous. I figure it's better to second-guess myself than to unwittingly steal somebody else's idea.

I really thought I'd ramble on some more about this chapter but I got nothing to say. I was going to write more (in the actual chapter) but I saw the chapter pass the 3,000 word mark and decided that that was enough. Consequently the next chapter is mostly mapped out in my head. This is good news for you because it means that I still have no idea when it will be posted. (I hope someone out there thought I was going to say that the next chapter would come early. It really would make me happy to know that.) Until next chapter.

Fresh C

P.S. – I realize I'm slightly full of myself. Don't hate me because I'm better than you. (note that that's a joke)


	3. The Backwards Otaku

**The BAckwards Otaku**

The day after our first practice, I did what I usually do after school. That is to say, I went to the band room to practice the drums. I barely had begun with my warm up exercises before I was interrupted.

"You know, that really shouldn't be played that way."

"Hey Naota. Why aren't I surprised to see you here?" I actually was a little shocked that he had come. I kind of thought I had seen the last of him the day before. He, however, thought differently as he was standing in the doorway to the band room with his bass guitar strapped to his back.

"You play like a drill sergeant," he began to march in place. "_Left, left, left, right, left_. It's all mechanics Sanji. Real music has soul."

"What do you know about soul?" I asked him. I had meant to say it bitterly, even angrily, but for some reason it sounded to me as if I was asking earnestly and that just was not the case. Naota took my question at face value and made a gesture that indicated he wanted to play my drums. I got up and let him at them.

He grabbed the two sticks and clumsily twirled them between his fingers. I saw him take a deep breath and begin to play the most spastic and insane rhythm I'd ever heard in my life. I had to practically yell at him to get him to stop.

"Stop! For the love of everything rhythmic and musical, just stop!"

He did (thank god) and then he said, "And that's what soul is."

"If that's soul then I don't want anything to do with it."

Naota gave me a funny look. "You mean nothing about my performance enticed you?"

I kept silent.

"You see, good music is neither too technical or too soulful. No one wants to hear too much of either. If you play too mechanically then people can't feel your music, but if you play with too much soul you'll lose the identity of the song altogether. There's more emotion behind my music than they'll probably ever be in yours, but I have no idea what I'm doing. You play with an accuracy that I can only dream of, but it's all hollow beneath the surface. So the question is, what do we want to do to fix this?"

"Absolutely nothing."

"Not the answer I was looking for."

"It's the only one I've got."

He let out a sigh.

"Look Sanji, have you ever heard of yin and yang?" Of course I had, but once again I kept silent.

"Two imperfect things come together to create a complete perfect whole."

"Naota… I'm not sure what type of impression I gave you… but I don't _swing that way_."

"Neither do I," he said without a hint of a smile on his face. "Now shut up because I'm serious. You could teach me how to play the guitar better and I can help you put some feeling into your music. It would greatly help the band. What do you think?"

"After yesterday, I don't think we have a band anymore Naota."

"Of course we do. It was our first practice. It's only natural that we still had a few bugs to work out." I unwittingly let out a snort.

"Naota we bombed out there. Nobody was on the same page. Plus you played like crap."

"You shouldn't speak so negatively about something you're a part of."

"I'm not a part of your band anymore Naota. I won't be lead by a liar."

The change in Naota's face then was quite profound. He looked completely shocked and terribly angry. He clenched his hands into fists and I realized that what I had said were fighting words to him.

"I haven't lied to you. Not once. Name the time and the place. It better be a good one."

I wouldn't say that I was afraid of Naota, but I definitely didn't want a fight with the guy. He was about 3 inches shorter than me and awfully scrawny, but I had the feeling that he was someone you didn't want to mess with. After all, he is crazy.

So when my words came, they were just a little bit shaky.

"You said that the band was good. You're obviously not."

His face lightened up considerably and his hands unclenched themselves. I knew I was safe again.

"Oh that. That's just a misunderstanding. I said that we'd be good if you joined and it's the truth, as long as you teach me how to play that is. So I'll be at your house around… let's say 4 o'clock tomorrow? Yeah that sounds good."

"Naota, I don't even know how to play the guitar."

"You played the violin, that's pretty close. I'm sure you can find a way to learn by tomorrow."

"They're two different instruments. They aren't even played the same way. And how did you know I play the violin?"

"Doesn't matter." He took his guitar from his back. "Take this to practice with."

"You're giving me this? Isn't it worth more than my life?"

"I haven't decided yet. Besides, You're only going to practice with it. It's not like you're keeping it or anything." He looked at the clock on the wall. "Hey I gotta go. Make sure you practice and I'll see you tomorrow."

And with that he turned around and walked away.

"I don't even want to learn to play the guitar!" I called after him. "I'm not in your band! I won't teach you a thing!" He pretended not to hear me and kept on walking.

To make a long story short, I was lying and lying badly at that. The guitar intrigued me and I'd always been somewhat interested. I was too involved with Naota and his dreams to back out then. So when I got home I went on the Internet and looked up everything there was to know about playing the guitar and found that it was remarkably similar to the violin. And when Naota arrived the next day at 4 o'clock I started to teach him everything I knew.

I guess it's just one of those ironic things that God is so fond of writing into his stories. One day I plan to actually say what I mean and do what I say. On that day I'm sure I'll wind up with a gun in my hand and a hole in my head.

* * *

My daughter, Eri, truly is a wonderful girl. She's intelligent, incredibly beautiful, and in the prime of her youth. I know other women say the same things about their daughters, but in Eri's case it is completely true. 

The day she was born was the proudest day of my life. All the pain and suffering of those long months of pregnancy seemed like nothing when I held her in my arms. I looked into her beautiful little face and I couldn't stop smiling. I looked over at my husband and I could see tears of happiness in his eyes.

"This is our baby girl," he whispered to me. "This is our precious baby girl."

I don't think I'd ever felt so happy in all of my life.

But things have been hard for us lately. I feel that Eri and I have begun to drift apart. Not only do I not recognize my own daughter, I believe that she has made it her mission in life to ruin mine. I think a large part of it has to do with her father's working habits. I understand where she's coming from since it's hard to go with out a father in such a crucial time of a young girl's development, but that is no reason for her to act out. Her father is just doing his job as mayor. It's not his fault that the city has befallen hard times.

There's been a number of increasing problems in Mabase. Our economy never truly recovered from the loss of revenue generated by the Medical Mechanica plant. The plant provided us with jobs, gave our hospital the leading equipment in the field of medicine, and even helped to fund our schools. It had brought Mabase into a period of prosperity, but when it was destroyed the city lost millions of dollars off of the deal.

My husband felt partly responsible since he had been one of the main people pushing for the addition of the factory to the town. Ever since its collapse he's been working non-stop around the office to fix the problem he helped cause. To top it all off there's been a string of robberies throughout the city and unexplained power outages as well. With these new troubles plaguing our city it's no wonder that I barely see my husband and that my daughter misses her father.

Still, I feel that there is just something wrong with my daughter. She barely listens to me anymore. All she does is go out with her friends and she almost always comes back late. I understand that a social group is important for a girl of any age, but I just do not like the type of people she is associating with. That Nandaba boy in particular scares me. I see him walking her home sometimes and I just cannot understand why she would keep company with him. His hair is always a mess and his cloths are always ruffled. That wouldn't be such a problem if he weren't always wearing the _same _clothes almost everyday. Sometimes I wonder if he even washes that blue sweatshirt of his. I imagine that he's handsome enough for a boy of his age, but I've never seen a child with a look like his. I was once watching them approach from behind the blinds of our front window (as any crafty mother would) and spotted that unbalanced look upon his person. His face seemed bored for the most part. It would have been normal if not for the slightly haunted quality it held. But the really odd quality to him was his eyes. They had the look of someone with ambition, dark ambition. He struck me as the type of person that you just could not trust. I tried conveying this to Eri, but she just wouldn't listen. I didn't see her walking home with that boy anymore, but I have a feeling that he just turned back at the street corner. Mothers always know these things.

Eri had come home today from wherever it is she goes listening to her portable CD player that we had bought her over the holidays. She turned it down as she walked in.

"Where have you been all day?" I tried to speak to her conversationally, I really did. But for some reason my voice sounded harsh and accusing to my own ears. I'd been cleaning all day and I guess I was a little irritated. It's no excuse, but it is true.

"Out."

"And who were you 'out' with?"

"Just a few friends."

"Uh-_huh_. And was that Nandaba boy one of those 'friends'?"

"Yeah," she said coyly, "he was."

And I closed my eyes and took a deep breath to steady myself. I knew that without that breath I was likely to do one of two things: nag or explode. I knew this because I've been doing these things (however unintentionally) since Eri turned 13. I had no reason to believe either of them would work now as they've never worked before. So I had already decided (even before Eri came home) that I'd try something new.

I threw on a smile and said, "Did you have fun?"

The look on her face would have almost been comical if I wasn't so preoccupied with hiding my anger. I was doing an excellent job at it. Eri seemed to think so anyways as she paused for a second then slowly said, "It was ok, I guess."

I took this moment of shock to drive my point home before I lost my ability to do so.

"I know I've been hard on the boy in the past, but I only wanted to protect you. I've seen men like him and in the end they always hurt delicate girls like you. But you're old enough now to make your own decisions and if you think this boy is what you want, well then I respect your decision."

The shocked look never left her face and I realized that I had won. I had finally given her what she wanted and she looked nothing short of defeated. This proved that she really was just trying to get on my nerves all this time. I wouldn't be surprised if she wound up with a new boy by the next day. Maybe she'd cut off all her hair in protest of something. It didn't really matter because I had found out her game and new how to conquer it.

"Thanks mom," was all she managed to say. I couldn't resist gloating a bit.

"No need to thank me, honey. It was wrong of me to try to control your life like that. You'll be a grown woman soon and you'll have to make all your decisions on your own. I'd only be hurting you if I restricted you now. Besides, that boy's not all that bad. At least you're not dating one of those American band boys whose songs you're always singing." I laughed at the absurdness of my own statement and inadvertently shattered my own victory.

For a defeated girl, Eri looked remarkably… not defeated. There was a glint in her eye that I knew I'd seen before. Later I recognized it as the look that her father gives after crushing an opponent in a debate.

* * *

After sneaking behind the door that was labeled "employees only" in the Rockin' Stones Bar and Grill, I walked up the stairs to the room that I assumed belonged to Sanji Miyamoto. I knocked on the door and a surprised Sanji answered. 

"What are you doing here?"

"It is four o'clock. That's when I said I'd be here."

"Yeah… but I never even told you where I live. How'd you find the place."

"It doesn't matter," I told him. He didn't seem to like my answer but it looked as if he accepted it. "So are you ready to start our lessons?"

I looked around the room and saw an odd assortment of things. There was a shelf lined with movies, all of them from America. He had everything from "Die Hard" to "The Little Mermaid." It seemed as if it didn't matter what type of movie it was just as long as it was American. There was another shelf on the opposite wall lined with a million different little toys. Most of them were action figures of characters like Batman and Superman and even one of some guy named "Captain Planet". His room was… interesting. The only normal things were the window, the couches, the table, and the bed.

"I'm ready to start when you are," he said, but I didn't hear him right away. He repeated himself louder.

"Oh… right. Well lets get started," I said. But we didn't get started. He looked at me as if he was offended.

"Is there something wrong with my apartment?"

"No… it's just… interesting." He continued to stare at me. "Just not what I expected, ya know?"

He dropped his stare but I could tell he was still a little upset.

"I know it's kind of weird to collect American things, but I've been doing it since I was a kid. Did you know that if I was in America collecting Japanese things they'd call me an Otaku?"

"No. I didn't know that… You know what people would call you here, since you collect all this American stuff?"

"Not really. No one else has ever really seen my room. What would they call me?"

"A geek."

Sanji gave me his offended look once more and stared me down straight in the eyes. He only held the look for a second or two and then he broke out laughing and so did I. I'm really not sure if he was offended or not, but we began with our lesson anyways. He took out Haruko's old Blue bass guitar and I took out my Flying-V.

"This is the neck of the guitar," said Sanji as he predictably pointed to the neck of his guitar. "On the neck of the guitar lie six strings of six different pitches. E-A-D-G-B-E. The thickest one back here (he played a note on the thickest string) is the lower E string. The one next to that one is the A string and so-on and so-forth. Still with me?"

I was and I nodded to tell him so.

"These little metal looking lines that go across the neck of the guitar are called 'frets'. Each fret indicates a half-step in the pitch of the note you are playing. So if you place your finger behind the first fret on the low E string and play the string like so (he played it like so) then you will produce a note that is a half a step above that of E. In this case that note would be F. Still with me?"

I was and I nodded to tell him so.

The story gets a little stale from here I must admit. He taught me various scales, positions, and exercises for improvement. After each mini-lesson he asked, "still with me?" and I nodded to let him know I was. By nine o'clock that night I had learned to play my first song: Hot Crossed Buns.

I was deeply impressed by Sanji that night. Partially because of his great knowledge of the guitar that he picked up in only one night, but mostly because he didn't manage to bore himself to sleep while he was talking. I know I almost nodded off a few times, so think of how hard it must have been for him. He didn't even have someone to ask, "Are you still with me?" every five minutes.

* * *

A week from the day Naota had his first lesson we had our second practice. We met in the same exact place, right behind the MM plant. I think everyone was a bit surprised that I had called the practice instead of Naota. 

I had finally finished writing the best (and only) song I had ever written in my life. As hard as it is to admit this, I had my mother to thank for the most part. It was a beautiful song with two alternating tempos. One was at a moderate up beat pace that made you want to tap your foot or just dance any old way. The other was a slightly slower beat that you could really only sway to. I could even envision people taking out lighters and waving them during this part, which was of course the refrain.

When I told the boys that I had finished my song they all wanted to know the name. I told them that I'd tell them later. Masashi shrugged, Naota nodded, and Sanji audibly groaned. Masashi and Naota asked for their parts and I gave it to them. Sanji asked for his and I told him I didn't have one for him.

"How am I supposed to play then?" he asked politely. Only I could tell it was forced politeness.

I then walked up behind where he was sitting at his drums and grabbed his drumstick clasping hands. I think I saw him blush a little (all touches are teases, after all). I then proceeded to teach him a slow and steady beat.

"Do that."

"Just that?"

"Yeah. But at the faster parts pick up the tempo a bit."

"Ok."

He mumbled a bit under his breath. Everyone had their parts so we began. Masashi was as good as ever and Naota seemed to have improved greatly. He wasn't perfect, but he rarely messed up. It was nothing an audience would have noticed.

I begun my part of the song, but I didn't sing it. I just hummed it. I wanted the words to be a surprise along with the name. I think I heard Sanji groan again, but I didn't care. What I did care about was the fact that he was killing my song with his soulless playing. I would have shot him in the heart if I thought he had one.

* * *

"Ninamori hates me, doesn't she?" I asked Naota. 

We were having a lunch break in John Gregory's restaurant, the Rockin' Stones Bar and Grill. It was Saturday and I'd been working all morning to teach Naota some new higher positions on the guitar. Needless to say we'd worked up an appetite.

"No, she doesn't hate you." I gave him a look.

"Ok, she's not exactly fond of you right now either, but hate is a very strong word."

I took a bite of my BLT sandwich and thought about it for a second.

"What's she got against me anyways? She wrote me the world's easiest part and then gets mad at me when I don't play it with 'feeling'. Chris Slade couldn't have even made that sound good."

"Who's Chris Slade?"

"He's the drummer for AC/DC," I told him.

"Who's AC/DC?"

"They're a band."

"I never heard of them."

"You wouldn't have."

"Then why'd you mention them?"

"Anyways, the point is, she's the one who's out to sabotage me not the other way around."

Naota took a bite of his hamburger and gave a look that I had begun to recognize as the "thinking Naota" look.

"I don't think anyone's trying to sabotage anyone. Ninamori just wrote an emotional song and you can't play emotionally. End of story."

"Well whose fault is that?" I looked at him accusingly.

"What do you mean?"

"When I agreed to teach you, you said you'd teach me how to play soulfully, didn't you? You've learned almost all I can teach and I still don't know a thing about 'heart filled playing' or whatever."

Naota smiled in that sickeningly superior way of his.

"You can't teach a man to feel. It's something he's gotta learn for himself."

"So why the heck did you volunteer to teach me!"

"I never said I'd teach you. I'm just going to help you to learn."

I went over that statement a few times in my head before I just gave up on understanding.

"Look, I'm not going to be in this stupid band if there's nothing in it for me. You had better come through by the time we have our first gig or I'm out."

"By the time we mount the stage for the first time, I'll have you playing with so much soul that Ninamori will love you."

I know I had to have smiled when he said that, maybe even laughed. Yet as we went upstairs into my apartment to finish up our lesson, I couldn't help but feel uneasy about that statement. Trust me when I say that it's odd hearing such confidence from a man who doesn't lie.

* * *

Sorry if I'm hogging your attention but it's me, Sanji, again. 

It was the day of our début concert and everything seemed wrong. I had convinced John Gregory (my parent's old friend and owner of the Rockin' Stones Bar and Grill) to let my band play. John is a loving man who only agrees to things when they work out to his advantage. When asking him for a place to stay he said I had to work in his kitchen every other month. He did this out of the kindness of his heart, to honor the memory of his friends.

So when I asked him if my band could play for his establishment, he kindly and compassionately said no.

"But we're really good, John!" I pleaded with him. "Our singer Ninamori is excellent and you've heard me play. Just give us a chance."

"I've heard you play and that's the problem. You play great music, but every song is a drummer's lullaby for you. I can't have my customers falling to sleep, Sanji. Sleepy people don't buy more drinks. They go home."

"Look we won't put them to sleep. I guarantee. And what do you have to lose? All I'm asking for is one song."

And he consented because he's such a nice and caring guy. "The things I'll do for a friend," he said. It only took me to ask for the ridiculously low price of 50 dollars and agreeing to wave the fee if we messed up big. I love good ol' Uncle John.

So we had a gig. Masashi couldn't have been less happy. He flat out refused to play for 12 dollars and 50 cents. It was highway robbery he said and of course he was right. Naota tried to persuade him just to do it because we'd get paid more later. "Take one for the team," he said, but Masashi wasn't having any of that. It took both mine and Naota's share of the money to satisfy him. Ninamori didn't even begin to offer her share.

Then there was Naota. He did absolutely nothing to prepare me for the concert. Not a word of advice or a hint or anything. It looked as if I'd have to get on the stage and just do what I've always done. "Play every note perfectly and bore my audience to death with my soulless beat" (Ninamori's words, not mine).

Which brings us to Ninamori. She went as far as to threaten my life (and my manhood) if I messed up her song in front of all those people. She was beautiful when she was mad and scary as well. I wondered if that meant she was scary when she was beautiful, but I didn't give it much thought as she was threatening my life at the time.

And what about me, you ask? I was calm and collected on the outside, but on the inside I was also remarkably calm and collected. I realized that this was an unnatural response to being thrown onto a stage unprepared and under the weight of a death threat, but only vaguely.

So when Uncle John told us "we were up" that fateful night, I was probably the most collected one of us all.

"Sanji…." Said Naota quietly. "You know you're shaking, right?"

"Yeah, I know," I said, but I didn't. I was completely unaware of that fact.

"You look very… scared."

"I know," I said impatiently. But I didn't. I had no clue how I had looked. All I knew was that I was completely calm.

He put on a jacket I'd never seen him wear before. I was going to comment on it but he cut me off.

"Don't look at it… not until we're up there and only then if you feel nervous."

I did as I was told.

We all got on stage and set up our equipment. The people in the Bar and grill just talked and laughed and mostly ignored us. A few loners and drunks turned to watch us set up, but with little interest.

Naota went up to the microphone and introduced us.

"Hello everyone out there."

No one said hello back, but that was to be expected.

"I'm Naota Nandaba and I'll be playing the lead guitar." No one clapped.

"That's my good friend Masashi over there playing the base guitar."

Masashi played three melodic chords and a drunken man up front clapped loudly.

"My new American friend at the drums is Sanji Miyamoto."

My breath caught in my throat. He had called me American. No one had ever in my entire life dared to call me an American. I was so shocked and angry that I forgot to give the audience a little rim shot.

"And our lead singer here, is the beautiful and talented Eri Ninamori". Ninamori curtsied in the medium length skirt that I had been too calm to realize she was wearing. That won her a few claps and whistles from more than just the drunk up front, but not too many people.

"And we are the Missing Moons."

"Brilliant name!" cried the drunken man up front.

Naota then stepped back and made a gesture indicating that the microphone now belonged to Ninamori.

She stepped up to the mic and talked in the sweetest, most sugary voice I have ever heard in my life. It sounded like the voice of a little girl, but somehow infinitely more mature. That voice could melt the heart of Hitler.

"Hi everybody," she said and more than half the 'house' sent their greetings back to her. "We've only got one song for you tonight, but it's one that is near and dear to my heart. It's called American Band Boy." She gave a glance in my direction, met my eyes, and smiled. "I hope you all enjoy."

Once again I felt like I was choking on air. What the heck was she thinking? What was she saying? What would everyone else think?

I didn't have time to answer these questions though since Ninamori gave us the cue to play and I was as nervous as I'd ever been in my life.

Naota's words played in my head. _Only look if you're nervous_. I was nervous. I looked and I felt instantly worse.

On the back of Naota's jacket was a picture of Japan, like any other. Only this Japan was colored in red, white, and blue in the pattern of the American flag. Above this picture was a caption that I could barely make out from the distance I was sitting from Naota. It said, "American-Japanese man: The Backwards Otaku." Below the picture it said, "Be who you are."

I was angry, shocked, and confused. In short I freaked out. I did the only thing I could do, and that was to play those drums young man, play. My first note… the very first one was completely off beat. But I don't think anyone noticed. I just kept on playing my mind numbingly simple rhythm like it was the first beat the world had ever seen. I could hear Ninamori singing, but I didn't catch any of the words.$ I heard Masashi and Naota playing their hearts out, but it didn't really matter. I just beat those darn drums like they'd stolen something from me. I missed several notes throughout the whole song and all of them were in ridiculously easy places. No one noticed and I didn't care. The song was over before I knew it and I reluctantly laid my drumsticks down.

My hand was hurting from clenching them so hard, but I was distracted from the pain by the loud clapping of the audience. I stood there looking out at all of them cheering for us and I couldn't be mad anymore. In fact I was extremely happy. We'd done better than I'd ever have thought possible.

For some reason that I could not comprehend, Ninamori came over and kissed me… on the lips. It was a short and sweet three-second kiss that was greeted by catcalls. I was much too happy to question its meaning at the time. Naota quickly walked off the stage, followed shortly by Masashi. Ninamori stayed back and walked with me while waving at the crowd.

"You did great Sanji," she said cheerily. The ecstasy of victory still hadn't worn off for either of us.

"You did too!" I almost yelled in my excitement. "I couldn't hear the words though. Was that song about me?"

She smiled mysteriously and said, "To find that out you'll have to buy the CD."

I didn't say anything, but decided that I would. At that point there was no doubt in my mind that there'd be one sooner or later.

"But seriously Sanji, how did you get so good?"

"I have Naota to thank for that," I said conversationally, yet the excitement was still there. "Speaking of which I have got to go talk to him!"

And I ran off to catch up with Naota. He was already a block away from the bar and his pace did not slow down. I caught up to him and he stopped.

I had so much to say to him. I wanted to ask him where he'd gotten the jacket. Maybe even ask him if I could have it. I wanted to congratulate him on the success of his band. I wanted to ask him how he knew so much about soul. But most of all I wanted to thank him. Just simply thank him for helping me.

But when I reached him he was smiling already. He had that superior "I'm Naota and I'm always right" smile on his face that I couldn't help but hate. I never stopped smiling though… I just punched him squarely in the jaw. He fell on the ground and looked up at me with that smile locked in place. In fact it widened to a grin. But there was something different about it. It was something much more… relaxed.

I looked down at him with a nice smile of my own and said, "Don't you ever manipulate me again." In fact, I might have yelled it. I offered him my hand and he took it. We walked back up to the bar and I offered him a ride home in my car. It was a pretty silent ride, but not an awkward one.

Our band got very popular around Mabase. Good ol' Uncle John had to pay us just a little bit more to keep us. By the end of May we were earning in the $300-$400 range, depending on how long we played each night. He even put up a banner over the door that read, "home of the Missing Moons."

Naota, Ninamori, Masashi and I grew pretty close as well. Masashi managed to put aside his beef with Naota… at least a little and things were going great. Pretty soon I found out that Ninamori _is_ scary when she's beautiful, but that's another story altogether. As for things with Naota and me… well they were different. I'm not going to say we didn't have our moments of discontentment. It turned out that Naota feared my threat about as much as I believed that he would stop manipulating me. But I'd like to think that on that day, if nothing else, we became friends.

Truthful Commentary:

I realize this one was longer than usual so I'll try to keep it short. First I'll deal with our one and only $

Since this is a truthful story I'm going to level with you all. Sanji didn't hear the words to the song simply because I was too lazy to write any. And that's the truth. But that was a nice Ninamori line wasn't it? "you'll have to buy the CD" I mean.

Justification of Naota:

A trustworthy critic of mine (whose opinion I do respect) mentioned to me in an email that my Naota was hard to recognize. In short, he doesn't seem like the Naota of the Anime series. After reviewing my work I was forced to face one true fact: he was right. Naota isn't the same and here's why.

Naota has been hurt psychologically by the events of his life, most recently by Haruko lying and leaving him again. This has caused him to swear off of lying and that was one of the main characteristics of the Naota from the Anime. He was constantly lying to himself.

Naota now has a goal that he hopes to accomplish and this has caused him to become "driven." He's willing to do anything he can for the success of his band.

Naota is one of the main forces moving the plot. The old Naota let life happen to him, but now that Naota has a goal he's gotta make his own decisions and take action, whether it be in word or dead.

And that's it. Hope you liked it and I'm desperately looking forward to any negative criticism you may have. That's the rarest and most precious kind.

Fresh C

P.S: I'll also take your complements as well.


	4. On Love and Friendship Part I

**A/N: **It's no secret (nor is it common knowledge) that I started writing and reading Fan fiction about Harry Potter. For this very reason I had become absolutely disgusted with romance fics. If you don't know what I'm talking about, just go to that section and click on the first story you see and try to hold your lunch. It seems that if you've read one love story, you've read them all. As a result of reading too many bad romance fics, I became cold hearted and swore myself off of romance for good. Anyone who's read Art of the Swing knows that this swearing didn't last. However I did learn one thing from my reading of romance stories (especially the couple of them that were good): Never write a conventional or overly sappy love story. So I just wanted to warn you all that this won't be what you'd expect. I'd like to think it's better than the average stuff, but really that's for you to decided. Ultimately I think the stuff about friendship could kick the pants off the romance any day.

**On Love and Friendship **

**Part I **

"_Did it hurt?"_

"_Did what hurt?"_

"_When you fell from heaven because you must be an angel."_

"_Are you tired? Because you've been running through my mind all day long."_

"_If I could rearrange the alphabet I would put 'U' and 'I' together."_

I've decided that most girls are stupid.

I don't mean this negatively. I'm just saying that to fall for these lines (heck, any line) you must be stupid. I have tried every line in the book on the female populous of Mabase High School and not a single girl has turned me down. The sad thing is that these same girls wanted nothing to do with me mere months before. If someone was to mention the name Masashi their response was likely to be "Who's Masashi?" But now they were practically throwing themselves at me because I was in a band. It didn't matter how stupid my words were or how sleazy I acted, these girls just wanted a piece of a "band boy".

This is not to say I haven't tried to get rid of them. Oh I've given them some of the most horrible lines I could think of (I even did an internet search for a few of them) but none of them have managed to fail.

"_If I pet you, would you follow me home?"_

"_The only thing your eyes haven't told me is your name."_

And the ever so popular_ "I have only three months to live..."_

So when Keiko walked up to me in the hallway, I decided I'd give her my absolute worst.

"Hi Keiko," I said making an effort to stare her down as she walked towards me.

"Hi Masashi," she said sweetly. I took a short breath and delivered.

"Girl, if I looked the way you look when you walk, I'd walk everywhere I went."

She stared at me in utter confusion for a moment, as if both of us had lost our minds. Then as cool as a cucumber she says, "Well why don't you come with me to see the school play this Saturday. If you play your cards right, I might teach you more than how to walk." Then she winked.

Of course I was disgusted by the fact that she would even dare to talk to me after such a line. It truly was sickening. But Keiko wasn't an ugly girl and I really didn't have anything better to do on Saturday so I said yes. I needed a break from working all the time anyways. She walked away with a sway in her hips and I was left to stare after her. Not that I'm complaining.

"She's pretty hot," said a familiar voice from behind me. I turned around slowly expecting to see my friend Gaku drooling and smiling at the girl that had just left. I was in for a slight surprise as he wasn't drooling. He was smiling, however, but there was an eerie quality to it.

"Yeah, she's a nice girl. She just asked me to the play on Saturday."

"Did you accept?"

"Yeah. I figured I needed a break from all the work I've been doing." At these words, Gaku's odd smile widened.

"You have been working a lot," he said in a tone of voice that almost sounded mocking. "Between your jobs and your new _hobby_, it's no wonder I barely ever see you anymore."

And then I understood that he knew about the band. How could he not?

"But it's good that you're making time for fun though. I'm sure with all those practices and stage performances it must be tough on you. At least now you've found a good looking girl."

"Maybe I could hook you up with one of her friends," I suggested, even though I knew it probably wouldn't help. "We could go to the play together and have lots of fun. How about it?"

And then the anger came.

"I can find my own date! Just because I'm not in some stupid band doesn't mean I can't get a girl!"

"I didn't mean it that way. I was just offering to help you out. No need to take it personally."

"Don't take it personally?" he asked with sarcasm dripping from every word. "How could I not take it personally? My best friend claims that he'll never join a band that won't accept his friend. What was it you said, 'Any band that's too good for Gaku, isn't good enough for me'? Well I'm glad to see that you're a man of your word Masashi! You're a real good friend!"

"Look Gaku, it's not like that. I don't want to be in this stupid band, but I need the money. I was desperate! You know my situation."

"Yeah I understand alright. You're just using some dying old guy as an excuse to be in the band. That's real low!"

"You shut up about my Grandpa!"

"No you shut up!" he yelled at me. I think by then we were both beyond the point of reason. At least that's what his lousy comeback meant to me. "Your just in this for yourself! Even if you were doing it for that old geezer, it wouldn't help any. You can't save a man who's that far gone Masashi. Lets face it, You're a-"

But I never found out what I was. I don't know what I was thinking at the time, but I guess I really didn't have to think. I just tackled him right there in the middle of the hallway. Fists flew and I think we both struck a few critical blows. When the teachers pulled us apart I was sporting a cut lip and Masashi was holding onto his stomach.

"You're no friend of mine Masashi! I hate you!" My math teacher was struggling to keep him from breaking free. But the teacher who held me (whoever he was) didn't even have to try. I'd given up.

"I'm sorry Gaku, but it's out of my hands. Naota's the one you should hate. He's the reason you're not in the band."

"At least Naota tells the truth!" he said as he finally allowed himself to be dragged to the principals office. And neither of us spoke again until we got there. Then we worked together to create a story that would lesson our sentence if not get us off the hook. I forget exactly how, but we managed to make the whole thing seem like a misunderstanding. I think I said something like, "I thought Gaku stole my Science book, but it was in my locker the whole time."

Well whatever I said, it worked. Instead of getting suspended we both just got Saturday detentions. But no matter how good I was at covering my back, there was nothing I could do to get Gaku to forgive me.

* * *

I'll be the first to admit that I'd been blinded. Ever since the death of my parents I'd been shutting things out. It's strange how much you miss when you don't allow yourself to feel. 

Someone calls you a jerk and you shrug at them or call them a jerk back. You don't feel bad about it. You don't really feel anything. A girl says you look cute and you tell them they look cute too. Or you just thank them for the complement. You don't think, "wow so and so likes me" or "maybe I should ask her out". You just accept it for what it is.

It felt so natural to ignore all the feelings and things floating around me because if I felt one thing I'd have to feel it all. If I felt angry sometimes I'd have to feel glad. If I felt happy sometimes I'd have to feel sad. If I felt the joys of the world around me I'd have to feel the pain of my past. I'd have to face the death of my parents again. So I shut myself from myself, if that makes any sense. I even shut myself from those around me, opting for solitude instead of friends. This lifestyle suited me for a while, but thanks to Naota I was romanced by the feelings of the soul. Now it seems as if I'm back in the world and my emotions have never been more vivid.

I said all of that to say this: Feeling feels like crap.

When you feel something about something that means you care about it. And when you care about something you're bound to get hurt. So that was my big mistake. I began to care too much. I cared too much about the my life, my new friends, the band, and the people I saw from day to day. But most of all I had begun to especially care about girls. I know that sounds superficial, but it's the truth and there's nothing I can do about that. There was a good reason for it though.

Towards the end of spring, love was in the air almost as much as the flu. People were pairing up left and right. Those who had somebody to love, loved the crap out of them and those who didn't hated themselves or everyone else. I call this phenomenon High School Romance. It has been in existence from the very beginning of time (or so it seems) and always will be. It doesn't matter whether you're surprised by it or expect it, or whether you hate it or love it. It is something that no woman or man (age 13-19) can escape. I was no exception.

The subject of my affection was surprisingly not Eri Ninamori. I say surprisingly because everyone else thinks we're going out. There are so many rumors about the two of us that I'm almost convinced we're married. It is understandable though since Ninamori has been acting kind of strangely around me. I mean, most of the time she treats me just like a friend, but I've noticed that when we're around other people (especially on stage) she's different. When we're in a crowd she seems to make an effort to stare at me. Well, she doesn't really stare at me as much as she throws glances, constant glances. It seems as if every time I'm looking at her, she's looking at me. One time we were walking to our lockers together and the halls were empty. She just walked by my side and we talked. Then the bell rung and everyone started coming out of classrooms from all directions. In this confusion, Ninamori grabbed my hand and continued to walk as if it were the most natural thing in the world. I didn't know what to do so I just followed her lead. There's also the times that we're doing our performances. She always gives me this strange, yet sweet look before we play American Band Boy. And then when we're done for the night she always ends up by giving me a kiss on stage. If I didn't know any better I'd say that she wanted everyone to believe we were together, but when we're alone we're simply platonic. As a result of this I spend most of my social life trying to convince people that I'm not dating her.

The most important of the people I needed to convince that I was single was a girl named Takara Dontknowherlastname. Takara is a beautiful girl of the age of 17. She has shoulder length black hair and bright blue eyes that wouldn't be so bright or blue without her contact lenses. She's about 5'6" and she weighs 111 pounds. I knew all of this, but I did not know her last name. I'm sure I've heard it before, but for the life of me I couldn't remember.

She sat next to me in geometry and I was doing poorly because I couldn't concentrate. I was getting a B in the class and the only reason pulled that off was because I'd actually been studying at home. This is really pathetic because I've already taken Geometry. I should be taking Calculus, but they held me back because I came from another school. I'm still a senior and all, but they won't let me take the advanced classes.

A few weeks ago our teacher gave a test. He said that we were aloud to use our calculator, but we only had until the end of the class to finish. No extra time. Takara was handling it well. She started off with a bang. She was zipping through each problem with ease. Then she got to what I assumed was the middle of the test (I wasn't looking at her paper, I was looking at her.) She had a bit of trouble there, but not much. I could see her biting her pencil as she thought. Normally I'd say that was a disgusting habit. It dents the pencil and spreads saliva around. But for her I couldn't help but find it cute.

I didn't see how Takara faired with the end of the test because I finally snapped out of my daze and realized that I had barely written anything on mine. There was only half the period left and I had almost the whole test to do. I managed to finish about 3 quarters of the test, but I ran out of time in the end. The last four answers all turned out to be the number 7. Ironically two of them were right. The bell wrung and I was pretty angry with myself. The teacher made me stay after class. After an embarrassing 5-minute conversation about why I was actually looking at Takara, he let me leave with a warning: "don't let it happen again."

Once again I realize that I'm rambling. The point of all this is to say that I was sprung. My nose was wide open, I had it bad, and I was very caught up. I had a thing for her, I liked her that _special_ way, and I undeniably had a crush. She was like a tall glass of water and I was dying for a drink. You can say it anyway you like, but it's really all the same. I wanted Takara to be my girl, plain and simple.

There were, of course, a few obstacles in my way. First and most importantly, the two of us barely ever socialized with each other. Sure we'd talked every now and then, but mostly about schoolwork and other mundane things. Then there was the fact that I was only half sure she felt the same way. We'd exchanged what I'd like to call "significant glances" and she laughs at most of my jokes… that's about it. And last but not least, there was the ever so annoying and ever so obvious fact that I didn't know her last name.

So I wasted months trying to find the perfect opportunity to ask her out (and find out her full name), but it never came. I just wanted things to be perfect since she was to be the first girl that I'd ever asked out on a date. But by the time the play came along I realized that there would be no perfect situation. There wasn't going to be some random holiday called "tell Takara You Like Her Day" and I probably wouldn't come out of this looking like a Casanova. So I buckled up and did what I had to do. I figured, I was the drummer in a popular band and I was 17 and in the prime of my youth. It's not going to get much better than that.

I stalked Takara down after geometry and asked her to go with me to the play. It was an awkward occasion and I think I mentally blacked out during parts of it. I know I didn't meet her eyes the whole time I was asking. I'm a little fuzzy on the details, but I think it went a little something like this:

_"Hi Takara"_

"_Hi Sanji"_

_Silence._

"_So… I heard there was a play on Saturday and I was thinking about going._ (World's worst line ahead)_ I'm sure there'll be plenty of empty seats so it would be cool if you sat next to me and all… if you wanted to that is."_

There was giggling, but not from me.

"_Are you asking me on a date Sanji?"_

"_Well, I mean not a date, unless a date is what you wanted, but if it isn't then I'm not because I don't want to do anything that you don't want to do because that would be… I'm rambling aren't I? Yeah I'm asking you on a date."_

There was giggling again.

"_Sure, I'd be happy to go to the play with you, but I can't."_

"_Why not?"_

"_Because I'm in the play. I've got the lead role."_

"_Oh crap… I'm sorry… I mean I understand. Bye."_

I was extreemly embarassed and began to walk away.

"_Sanji?" she called after me._

"_Yeah?"_

"_We could still meet up after the play. You know, go grab a bite to eat or something."_

_I smiled sickeningly wide, but I couldn't help it._

"_That sounds, great. I'll see you then."_

I'm not sure if you'd call that cute or stupid, but that's how it went down.

* * *

That Saturday I went to the play. I remember that night very well because even today I consider it my first date… it may not have went exactly as I planned it, but it did end up being a date. I took a seat between Naota and Ninamori in the front row of the auditorium. I really didn't want to sit next to Ninamori that night seeing as though I'd be meeting up with another girl later on, but I didn't have much of a choice. Our auditorium is remarkably small and the play had sold out for it's opening night. Besides, they were the only real friends I knew and I didn't want to sit alone. 

The play that would be performed for the evening was Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet. I knew this because I had a program and I had managed to read the cover. I flipped to the part where the casting was listed but almost at that precise moment the lights went out. The curtains opened and the play began. Naota and I had a small squabble over who would get the armrest. It looked as if I had won, but in the process of securing my territory I knocked his Cheeto's and my program on the ground. I felt bad about spilling his stuff, so I leaned down and picked up my program and the remainder of his snack. When I came back up to hand him his bag of Cheeto's he had already commandeered the armrest. I saw that Ninamori wasn't using hers so I just used that one.

I have to admit… the play was beautiful, in a sense. It was also kind of boring. There were many witty lines and puns and hidden jokes, but you could only catch them if you were paying attention. And I was trying to pay attention. I think I caught a lot of it, at leas enough to where its brilliance was not lost to me. But I was distracted a bit.

When Mercutio was stabbed during act three, I noticed that a hand slid into mine. I looked over and saw a frightened looking Ninamori staring at the play. She never struck me as the type that would scare so easily, but I let her hold my hand anyways. The fighting ended and she was still holding my hand. This annoyed me a little, but I figured she must have just forgotten she was holding it in the first place. I became aware that she must have had some recollection of the fact that she was holding my hand since she squeezed it every time something violent or sad happened during the play. To my annoyance she fell asleep on my shoulder half-way through the last act.

Soon the end of the play drew near and I heard Takara's last lines. She looked out over the audience. She found my eyes and said, "Oh happy dagger, here is thy sheath. There rust and let me die." With those joy filled words she proceeded to violently place the plastic knife into the crook in her armpit. But before she did that I saw tears in her eyes. I wasn't positive at the time, but I was pretty sure that crying was not in the part.

After the rest of the play was over I woke up Ninamori and went backstage to find Takara. She called me some pretty bad names and accused me of being a dog.

"If you were going out with Ninamori then why'd you ask me?" she practically yelled.

"But I'm not going out with Ninamori, we're just friends!"

"Then why was she holding your hand and leaning on your shoulder?"

"How should I know? She just fell asleep."

This earned me a slap. And she turned around and left. I turned around too, only to find that Ninamori was right behind me watching the whole thing.

"Bad luck, huh?" she asked.

"Yeah… you could say that."

"Want to go get something to eat?"

I nodded.

* * *

I felt responsible for ruining Sanji's evening. So I figured I'd take him out to eat and make him feel better. I suggested we go to the Rockin' Stones Café but he wouldn't hear of it. He said he'd eaten there far too many times and that one more would kill him. I just smiled and told him about this fast-food restaurant that just opened up a few blocks from my house. We got in his car and left. 

The place was… less than perfect. For a new establishment there was a remarkable amount of trash lying around and the surfaces of the tables seemed to absorb grease and grime. The decorum was doing nothing for me. An ugly lime green color was lining the walls and the countertop. That color alone made me sick to stomach.

"I'll have a grilled cheeseburger with a large Coke and fry… and hold the onions on the hamburger please," said Sanji to the young girl at the counter. She couldn't have been over 13 years old. When she gave his order to the cook in the back she had to tiptoe to reach the microphone.

"One burned cow with a slice of cheese, don't make her cry!" she called out unnecessarily loud. She then turned to me and asked, "And is that all you'll be ordering?"

"Yes," I said quickly. As soon as I walked into the place I was positive I wouldn't be able to eat. Soon the cook came back with the hamburger and the little girl gave Sanji his cup. She put everything on a tray and pointed at the self-serve soda tap.

"Enjoy your food!" she said in a tone that could only be labeled as forced cheer.

"But you forgot my fries," said Sanji pointing at his tray. The little girl sighed.

She tiptoed to the microphone again and said, "One large tub of grease sticks!" She then looked at Sanji and I apologetically. "Sorry, it's my first day."

"It's ok… Aika," I said looking at her nametag. I figured everybody's got to start somewhere. In less than a minute the fries were done. Sanji paid the girl and we found a booth in the back where we sat facing opposite each other. I decided to start up some conversation because that's what people do when they're out with friends.

"This place is… not what I expected," I said conversationally.

"Yeah, it looks great from the outside, but once you walk in… well there's still some work that needs to be done."

"Yeah… a lot of it." And with those words a small silence descended upon our booth.

"Listen Sanji," I said softly. I saw him look up and I knew the voice I was using had some sort of effect on him. I wasn't trying to control him or anything, but a little leverage never hurts. "I'm sorry if I ruined your plans with that Takara girl."

Sanji gave me a sad smile that kind of hurt to look at. I looked anyways.

"It's ok. I'm sure you didn't mean anything by it." I did, but I wasn't going to tell him that unless he asked. "Besides I barely knew her. At least now I get to dine out with a beautiful girl that I know and respect." The tone of his voice as he complemented me was meant to sound offhanded, yet I could see him blush as he said the words. For all I knew I might have been blushing too, but I didn't care or try to hide anything. I've learned that while dealing with people it's best to just be natural.

"Thank you," I said nonchalantly.

"You're welcome," he said and then there was silence again. Well, there was almost silence. I could hear my stomach grumbling, but I was positive that Sanji couldn't tell. As disgusting as the place was, I couldn't help but feel hungry. I decided that trying one grease stick couldn't kill me. So I took one of Sanji's fries. I figured he wouldn't mind. It was surprisingly good. Crunchy, yet not burnt. Firm, yet soft inside. Everything a girl would want in a fry. I decided I'd try a few more, just to see if they were all the same. After realizing that most of them were the same, I decided that I would hunt for that one fry that wasn't like the others… just so I could save Sanji the agony of having to eat a sub-par fry. By the time that I decided that they were probably all good ones I realized that half of the fries were gone. I looked up from my inspection to find that Sanji was staring down at me while drinking his soda.

"I'm sorry," I said realizing that I had partially ravished his food. "I got a little carried away. They're quite good."

"It's ok," he said. "Are you sure you don't want to get something for yourself? I'll get it for you, my treat."

"No that's alright. I think I'm good now." But then I realized how dry my throat had become. I hadn't had anything to drink since before the play and that was about 3 hours ago. I figured Sanji wouldn't mind if I took a few swigs of his pop. So I put the straw to my lips and let the liquid flow. I didn't really like Coke, I was more of a Pepsi girl, but tonight it tasted pretty good. I looked back at Sanji once again to see him blushing. I figured it was probably because he had been drinking the same pop seconds before.

"You know Ninamori-"

"Eri," I corrected just because I enjoyed giving him a hard time every now and then.

"You know Ninamori, I've been thinking. I tried everything that I could to get together with Takara." He paused and I nodded my head while taking a bite out of his cheeseburger in order to soak up all that soda I drank. "And she barely noticed me. I'm sure she liked me because it was her idea to meet up after the show, but she still didn't notice me before I asked her out. And I think it's because she thought I was going out with someone else… she thought I was going out with you." He gave me a significant look which I tried to return, but it's hard to convey significance while shoving a hand full of French fries into your mouth.

"At first I thought the idea was ridiculous, you know? I thought we were just friends because that's how it was. We'd talk and walk and just act like friends… that's what we're doing now." He chuckled a little and it sounded a bit nervous. I just smiled as best as I could while taking a long sip of his coke.

"But I can see how someone could mistake us for being together. I mean there have been some odd moments, you know? Like the spontaneous hand holding and some hugs and stuff. But I never really had a close friend that was a girl, so for all I know that stuff just goes with the territory." He paused and once again I saw him blush before he began to speak again. "The kisses are a bit more confusing… I'm not sure really what to say about that. But they work up the audience pretty well. Gives them something to talk about, so I guess it's just a good gimmick. It's just that… Are you sure you don't want me to get you something to eat?"

"Yeah, I'm sure," I said hastily. I was eager to see where he was going with his little speech.

"Ok," he sighed. "Well, it's just that everyone still thinks that we're going out. No matter what I say or do. And I guess I can understand that. I just wish that people had their facts straight. I mean Takara dumped me just because you got sleepy. And the worst part about it is, I never learned her last name." He laughed in a bitter manner.

"Why didn't you just look in the program?"

"Naota spilled cheese on it. But forget about that. The point is that everyone just jumps to conclusions. No one's really even asked me about you, they just assume the worst… or best… or something."

"A few people have asked me," I said after swallowing the last bite of the cheeseburger.

"What'd you tell them?"

"I told them to think whatever they want." I saw Sanji silently groan, an expression that I don't think I could repeat. It was slightly comical.

"As long as you're telling them things like that they'll never know the truth. How are we supposed to figure out how we feel about each other when everyone's telling us how we feel about each other?"

I recognized that last question as a slip on Sanji's part. He'd been decently guarded up until that point, but there truly was no saving him now. I knew I'd have to ask a dangerous question. It might have been more merciful to just ignore his slip, but I honestly couldn't stop myself.

"And how do you feel about me?"

It was hard to distinguish his face from a tomato.

"I-I'm not really sure… I mean people keep saying stuff and you keep doing stuff. I mean I'm not blaming you, but I'm confused you know. Because when you give those hugs and when you hold my hand you don't feel like a friend anymore… you feel like something else. And when you… you know… you kiss me… it feels…" He closed his eyes in frustration. "it doesn't feel like a gimmick. It feels like a… girlfriend. But when you're done, I don't feel it anymore. It's just like you're my friend again. I don't know if that's what it's supposed to be like, but that's how it is. And I kind of wish you'd choose one and get it over with because… I don't know. I guess what I'm saying is that if you want to try to be my girlfriend, then that's ok because I think I… I like you."

I was proud of him for getting that out, for a while I wasn't sure that he could. However, as I drained the last drops of pop out of the cup (the fries had been finished during the speech) I couldn't help but feel guilty about what I had to say to him.

"I like you too Sanji… just not in that way."

It was painful to watch the look on his face. It went from desperately hopeful to slightly heartbroken in less than a second.

"Ok… I understand…" he said. But then he gave me a look that was anything but understanding. In fact, he looked sort of angry.

"But why?"

"Huh?"

"Why did you let me sit here and poor out my heart to you when you knew that you didn't feel the same way? That's just cruel."

I looked him squarely in the eyes and he blinked. That was all the information I needed to know that I could lie to him. "I just thought it'd be better for you to get it all off of your chest. It's not good for a friendship to hold things like that inside."

His face softened and he nodded and sighed. We both got up to leave.

I didn't have the heart to tell him that I was just hungry.

* * *

Hello, I'm the author of this story. You may remember me from other such stories like Art of the Swing, which I keep hinting that you should read. I usually don't make it a habit to interrupt things like this, but I feel that it's important that you get a different point of view from time to time. You know, the good old third person omniscient. 

So after the two of them left the restaurant, Ninamori insisted that Sanji walk her home, even though he had driven there. As she walked Sanji to her house she began to explain the facts of their relationship and did her best not to lie. She told him how she really did enjoy his company, but she just couldn't think of him that special way. She said that she was in love with someone else. She told him that one day things would work out perfect him in the romance department.

"Maybe one day I'll wake up and realize what a mistake I'm making. Who knows?" she said making Sanji blush. (Am I the only one who noticed that this kid has an embarrassment problem?)

Ninamori told Sanji that he was a great guy. Probably the nicest man she knew. She wasn't lying either. But by the time they got to the Ninamori residence Sanji was barely paying attention. After all, two girls had just shot him down in the same evening. It was disheartening for the poor guy. When they reached her doorstep, Ninamori noticed his lack of attention and grabbed his hand in order to regain it. Sanji tried to pull away, but she held on fast.

"Don't be like that Sanji," she pleaded using that voice that she knew would kill his determination. "I know you feel bad and you're confused, but right now I need you."

Sanji turned crimson once again and Ninamori ignored it.

"All my life I've been labeled as the good girl and the mayor's daughter. You wouldn't understand because you're still new here, but people expect a lot out of me. Now I'm sick and tired of giving it to them, but I really don't know how to stop. So I wanted people to think I was dating you because… don't take this the wrong way, but most people don't approve." She then glanced to her side and saw a curtain move.

"I'm going to kiss you now because my mom is looking. Ok?" she asked in a tone that indicated she wasn't really asking.

"Huh?" said Sanji dumbfounded before Ninamori viciously attacked his lips. And I don't mean that as a figure of speech. Anyone could plainly see it was assault. Ninamori smashed her lips against his moving them with a fever like never before. Sanji naturally tried to pull back from the attack, but Ninamori grabbed the back of his head and forced her tongue into his mouth, intensifying the kiss. Sanji didn't have any idea what to do, so he just took it, trying not to enjoy it. When she pulled back from him she had this look on her face… it was a scared look that scared him. She looked as if she had no idea what she had just been doing.

"I'm… I'm sorry Sanji. I didn't mean for it to go like that…" she stammered. Sanji thought stammering didn't work too well for her. It really was more of his thing.

"I think you bruised my lips," he said in disbelief. It turned out that she had.

"I'm sorry… I… I'm sorry." She turned away from him and went to open the door. "I hope we can still be friends."

And she was gone, leaving poor Sanji to stand on the porch in complete shock. It wasn't until he heard the loud yelling of a female voice from inside that he realized where he was again. And it wasn't until he heard Ninamori yell, "But Mother I love him!" that he started to walk again.

It seemed as if he had enjoyed Ninamori's goodnight onslaught a bit too much and that had made walking a little uncomfortable for a little while. But by the time he got to his care his only lasting responses to the kiss were all mental and emotional. For the first time in his life he felt… unclean. He'd been used wrongly and he knew it. She'd apologized and he knew he'd forgive her because he knew she meant it. He was just having a hard time accepting the fact that he liked it. He was having a very hard time with that.

On his short drive home Sanji almost hit a stray dog that was on the other side of the street. When he got there he parked his car directly on top of a yellow line in the parking lot. He went straight to his apartment and decided that he needed a shower. After the shower, he decided he should brush his teeth. He nearly stabbed himself on the inside of his mouth. After brushing his teeth he decided it would be best to get to bed before he could do anymore damage to himself. It was only 8:30 pm.

He spent a lot of time thinking and trying to fall asleep. He didn't manage it until around 11:00 pm. He was just too confused and conflicted. He didn't understand what had happened, what was happening, or what was going to happen. He woke up at about 1:00 in the morning and finally managed to sum up his feelings in a statement. Well it was more of a question.

"What the heck is wrong with her?" he whispered to no one in particular. He whispered it a few times hoping to receive an answer from anywhere, including himself, but he never did. He then closed his eyes and tried to go back to sleep. But before sleep could claim him another statement like question filled his head.

"What the heck is wrong with me?" he asked only this time he yelled. His yelling was loud enough to startle a few of the "patrons" downstairs, but not many. It was a bar after all. They were used to yelling and loud noises. Sanji wondered about his last question for quite some time before sleep claimed him. Before he drifted off, he resolved to do something about the situation. He would have to see Naota tomorrow. It was unfortunate for him that he wouldn't be the first person to do so.

Truthful Commentary:

Not much to say, but I'll say it anyways. First of all I'd like to give a shout out to the 30+ readers that actually enjoy this enough to continue with it. That goes especially for AlyssaSS and VASHATSOCOM (who's become a sort of consultant for me in a way) since they are my most loyal reviewers.

And now for the actual self-critique. Yes, Ninamori might seem a little sluty… I've tried rationalizing it and explaining it, but it doesn't change the facts. She has reasons and there will be even more. I just hope I haven't turned anyone off too much with that, but it's now become a little too integral to her character. It's partially just her way of maintaining control. In the future you'll see that there are other aspects of her that come into effect when dealing with a guy she actually likes, but I won't spoil it for you.

Feel free to ask me any questions concerning any of my characters and I'll be sure to make up an answer that sounds good.

As for why this is a two-part chapter… well I'm almost over 7,000 words and I still have more to write. I figured it was my duty to divide it up. The next part will be shorter.

That's all for now. Over and Out

-Fresh C


	5. On Love and Friendship Part II

**On Love and Friendship**

**Part II**

In all the years I've known Naota, I had not once been invited into his home. Unless you count the time they took me in after I got hurt by that housemaid he used to have. This wasn't really a bad thing I guess. I understood why he might not want me over there. The place wasn't exactly the biggest house in town, nor was it really all that clean. Not to mention the questionable mental state of its inhabitants. That's why I figured it would be best to just show up myself.

When I reached the front door to his bakery I saw a sign on the door that said it was closed. I was going to go around to the other side to see if anybody was home, but I decided that I might as well try the door. It was unlocked so I just walked in. There was no one behind the counter, so I took my search for human life forms into the kitchen. My search of the area turned out negative, but I did find something quite interesting.

Naota's robot was pulling a loaf of bread out of the oven. I noticed he was using oven mitts, which I thought was somewhat strange for a robot. He placed the pan on the counter and took off the oven mitts. He then tested the bread by cutting it with a knife. Once he was sure that it was completely done, he took a small piece of it and popped it in his mouth… screen… grill thing. After that he was completely satisfied. That's when he turned around and noticed me staring at him. He waved at me with his thick metallic arms and I shuddered inwardly. A robot that eats bread is just not natural.

I walked past the strange metal thing and walked into the part of the building where I hoped people would be. I walked into the dining room and no one was there. I walked into the living room and no one was there either. I figured that Naota was probably upstairs in his room so I started to climb the steps. But before I got there I heard a voice from behind me.

"You know, it's not polite to break into people's houses," said Naota sitting on the couch in the dark. "Someone could mistake you for a thief."

I'll admit that I was startled, but I don't think I gave it away. At most my eyes just widened a little and there was no way he could have seen that from where he was sitting.

"Hi, Naota," I said calmly as my heart rate decreased again. I walked over to the couch and took a seat next to him. "Why are you sitting in the dark?"

"Why did you break into my house?"

"I didn't break in. It's the middle of the day and anyone could have seen me. If you didn't want people in here then why'd you leave the door unlocked?" Naota sighed in what sounded like frustration.

"It's unlocked because there could be robbers out there." I wasn't expecting that one.

"Isn't that why you'd lock it in the first place?"

"That's what I said. At first my father wouldn't lock it because he didn't believe there were any robberies. He wrote a whole article on how it was a government hoax or something. Then he woke me up the next morning yelling about how all the money was gone. Ever since then he's left the door unlocked hoping that the thief will come back to the scene of the crime so that he can 'teach him a lesson' or something."

"That's the craziest thing I've ever heard. You don't actually think the criminal would come back, do you?"

"Actually I do," he said.

This surprised me so I waited for an explanation. After I realized it wasn't coming I said, "What makes you think that?"

"That's just the way that life works. Crazy things only happen because no one expects them to. I'm almost positive the crook will come back and if he does, I'm pretty sure he'll get away with it again even though there is a hundred reasons that he shouldn't."

"That doesn't make any sense…" I said, but I wasn't completely convinced that it didn't.

"Of course it doesn't. It only makes sense because it doesn't make sense."

I thought this over for a little while and it still didn't go over to well. I shrugged. If it had been easy to understand, it probably wouldn't have been true.

"So why are you here, anyways?"

"Do I have to have a reason to come see my friend?"

"Yes," he said without missing a beat.

It was my turn to sigh this time. I knew that what I planned to do wouldn't be easy, but Naota was not going to help. That much was clear. I scooted closer to him on the couch, since the obvious distance between us was making me uncomfortable. That was probably a mistake.

"It's not something that's easy to say Naota."

"Why don't you try anyways?"

I tried to open my mouth to tell him exactly what was on my mind. I really wanted to just get it out so that it wouldn't torture me anymore, but I found I was not able. Instead I said, "Some things can't just be said. There aren't words that can explain them." I knew this was not true for my situation, but I couldn't just tell him everything then. It's hard to give without knowing you'll get something in return. So I moved a bit closer to him. It wasn't like we were touching or anything, but I could feel the heat from his body. In retrospect, it may have just been my own heat, but I'd like to think it was Naota.

"You might as well just leave then."

Those words were cold and when he said them I felt cold. In fact, all the heat had been drained from my body. I did the only thing I could think to do. I latched onto the nearest heat source available: Naota. I didn't do anything weird. I just kind of wrapped my arm around him and leaned my head on his shoulder. I think I did a good job of restraining myself, because doing so didn't completely restore the heat.

"I think I can show you… another way. I can't say it though. Not yet…"

"Just do what you came to do?" he said in a way that sounded a lot like a question. I think we both realized he'd regret saying those words after they left his mouth.

I couldn't hold back anymore… I needed to be warm and his words were only making me colder. So I took some warmth from him. I wrapped my other arm around him, but it wasn't enough. I had to move them around a little to get the friction going. Still I felt too cold. I could feel his rapidly increasing breath on the back of my neck as I held onto him and it was very warm. So I took some of that as well by placing my lips on his.

At first there was no response from Naota. He was content to just let me enjoy his heat. Then very suddenly I found myself on the other side of the couch. It took me a second or two to realize that he had pushed me off of him.

"What's a matter with you Ninamori!" he nearly yelled which completely shocked me. "Why do you do things like that? You're just like…"

"Just like who?"

"It doesn't matter. Just get out of my house. I'll see you at practice tomorrow."

So I got up and was ready to leave. You have to understand that at the time was humiliated. I didn't want to hurt him… I just wanted to be close to him. But when he was yelling at me, I saw this look in his eyes that reminded me of Sanji and the night before. It wasn't a pleasant memory and part of the reason I had come here was to fix that particular problem. So when I saw that look I knew I had messed up. But before I could even take a step towards the door I had a revelation.

If I were to walk away now without saying anything I'd be no better than a thief who keeps coming back and getting away with it. What sense does it make to keep hurting myself and those around me when there were a hundred reasons not to? It'd make no sense at all and that's probably why it made sense to me in the past. But I was through with being foolish. I had to tell him.

"Look Naota," I said somehow managing to maintain eye contact. "I've tried everything I could think of. I tried subtle hints, I gave you your space, I tried to make you jealous, I tried giving not so subtle hints, and I've even tried to give up on you, but nothing has worked. What do I have to do?" I realized that my voice sounded more demanding than questioning, but at the time I didn't really care. Naota said nothing.

"For five years now I've been trying to get the smallest of responses from you, just so that I'd know where I stood. All I wanted was a yes or a no, but you only deal in maybes. Is it so hard to get a straight answer?" Once again Naota just kept his mouth shut.

"I know you're not stupid Naota, even if you do act like it most of the time. You had to know what I'm feeling. So what is it that's stopping you? What's left to do that I haven't done?"

There was a silence that lasted at least half a minute before Naota quietly stated, "You could have just said it, you know."

And I couldn't help myself. I had to start laughing. I could see he was looking at me as if I were crazy, but that only made me laugh all the harder as a sat back down next to him on the couch. "Is that all? That's all you wanted? Fine. I like you Naota. I like you a lot. I just want to be your girlfriend. Nothing would make me happier."

But I stopped laughing after I realized how serious his face was.

"I'm sorry Ninamori, but I can't be your boyfriend?"

Anyone who's ever been rejected knows almost exactly how I felt. Anyone who hasn't… you're better off not knowing. Just leave it to the imagination. Imagining doesn't hurt as much.

"But why?"

"You're a very beautiful girl Ninamori and you're one of my best friends, but… there's someone else."

"Who is it? Is it anyone I know?" I'm not ashamed to admit that at that moment my reasons for finding out who the girl was were less than pure.

"It's the Missing Moon." Who could have expected that?

"The band?"

"I have obligations to it and I can't waste my time with a girlfriend. Some things are more important than a relationship."

I almost laughed again, but I managed to contain it in a smile that probably did not look healthy.

"It's ok Naota. We can do both. I won't get in your way or anything. I'll even help you run things. It'll be fun."

"It's not just about the band… I know it won't work. It has to fail because there's no reason why it should. You understand? It's too perfect so it's got to go wrong."

"You really are paranoid aren't you?"

"I'm serious Ninamori! That's how it always is with people like us. Murphy's Law: everything that can go wrong, will go wrong."

I was beginning to lose my patience with him at this point. He was always so negative and it never made any sense. "So you're just going to give up without trying? Is that it? I thought you changed Naota. I thought you'd finally learned how to be a man."

"It's not like that! I just… I'm going to hurt you. I know I will. And don't try to say I'm just being paranoid because it's true. I'd even bet my life on it. If we get together you're going to get hurt."

"That really doesn't matter to me." I think that was the first time I'd ever said that phrase and meant it. "I'm ok with that."

"But I'm not."

"I don't care. You'll have me as a girlfriend or you won't have me as a singer." I could see his eyes widen in shock. "It's all or nothing Naota."

"That's blackmail," he stated with surprising lack of emotion.

"Yeah, it is. So what's it going to be?" I asked and Naota just looked at me. His face still contained some of that initial shock, but slowly it turned to a look of anger and frustration. We locked gazes for what seemed like an eternity and then he blinked. A second later his expression was blank. A moment after that and he was smiling.

"Ok," he said calmly.

"Ok?" I asked similarly.

"Ok. But when it's over, it's over. No questions asked, nobody to blame."

"Alright then."

"Good." He leaned in close until are faces were nearly touching.

"Are you going to kiss me?"

"I think so."

"Fine."

And when our lips met, I finally felt warm again. The warmest I'd ever felt in my life up till that point. It was like drinking hot chocolate on a cold winter's night, or sitting next to a campfire on a chilly autumn night, or doing both on a freezing summer night. I'm not one for sentimental thoughts, but that kiss was the sweetest thing I'd ever experienced. I realized then that Naota was right. This _was_ too perfect to last.

"Naota…"

"Hmm?"

"We can't tell Sanji."

He nodded. The moment was forever broken. I went home then, but for some reason I couldn't allow myself to feel the happiness anymore… or the guilt.

* * *

When Sanji arrived at Naota's house, both of them were more than a little surprised. Naota was surprised because he had just had two visitors in one day and because Sanji had come to see him at midnight. Sanji was surprised because he had spent the whole day debating upon whether to come or not and he never really expected to be at Naota's doorstep… ever.

After Naota opened the door completely, Sanji noticed he was wearing boxers and a t-shirt while carrying (or wielding) his white guitar over his shoulder like a baseball bat.

"Is this a bad time? I could come back later if you'd like."

"Sanji, do you know what time it is?"

"I'll come back later," said Sanji as he almost turned to leave.

"Forget it," said Naota irritably, stopping Sanji in his tracks. "You already woke me up. What do you want?"

"I need to talk to you."

"Seems like everyone does today."

"Huh?"

"Never mind. Come on in."

But Sanji stayed rooted to his spot at the doorway. "I'd rather not… do you think we could go somewhere?"

"Where would we go at 12:00 in the morning?"

"I don't know… somewhere where we can see the stars." This earned Sanji an odd look.

"Are you high?"

"No! I just got a lot on my mind ok. So are you coming, or should I just go by myself."

Naota sighed. "Let me get dressed."

A half an hour later the two of them were lying on their backs in the tall grass by the bridge that runs along the river. One was dead tired and more than a little irritated, the other was bent on talking his hearts out.

* * *

"There's something about the stars that always moved me, you know?" said Sanji as we lay there in the grass. After fifteen minutes of talking had passed I realized he wasn't going to get to the point any time soon.

"Yeah," I said in what I thought was an indifferent voice. Sanji just took it as encouragement.

"It's like they're always up there, even when you can't see them. But when you can see them you just want to reach up and grab a couple, just to see if you could." He acted out the gesture as he spoke. "But I think that if I actually could grab the stars, I wouldn't know what to do with them. I'd probably lose them or do something stupid with them like play marbles."

"You are high aren't you?" I said jokingly. I was very surprised when he didn't respond in outrage.

"Maybe I am… I've come up with a million explanations for what happened and that one sounds like the best."

This had me a little worried. It wasn't like Sanji at all to say something like that, at least not in my limited experience with him. So I reluctantly turned my head away from the stars to look at my friend.

"What did you do that was so bad?"

He sighed. "I didn't do anything… and that's the problem. I just let it happen. Sure it was forced, but I could have stopped it. I had to have been able to. I'm a man, aren't I?" The sad part about it was that he was actually asking that question. It wasn't hypothetical.

"Does this have anything to do with a girl?"

"Yeah, it does. Everything was going fine until after we left the play. Then she had to mess everything up. She couldn't let me be happy for just a little while."

"It's Ninamori then?" I asked dreading the inevitable response. I didn't want to know about any troubles between my friend and my girlfriend. Especially since both of them were new in their positions.

"Yeah it is. You know too much Naota. But I bet you knew that."

"It was really just a simple guess. Everyone's heard about you two going out at school. My dad even printed an article about it."

"What?" he said, showing the first shred of energy since we had arrived there. "Why'd he want to write about us?"

"Ninamori's dad is the mayor. That practically makes her a celebrity. And that almost makes you a celebrity by association. You should be happy Sanji, you're famous."

This only made Sanji sulk more. "Great… now I'm the Kevin Federline of Mabase."

"The who?"

"Never mind. It doesn't matter. It's all just rumors anyways. None of it's true."

"So what is really going on between you and Ninamori then?" I asked this partially out of concern and partially out of jealous interest. I'm sure it would have done Sanji's heart some good to know that I considered him a threat… even if I knew my relationship with the girl would go down in flames.

"That's what I wanted to ask you. You've known her almost your whole life. You can tell me what she's thinking and why she'd do… that."

"You still haven't told me what she did to begin with."

He just gave me this desperate look that I couldn't quite give sympathy to. I wanted to tell him he didn't have to tell me, but what good would that have done him? After a few seconds went by he broke the gaze and began to explain in defeat.

"She… messed me up."

"I can see that…"

"No!" he suddenly yelled catching me a bit off guard. "You don't understand… she really threw me for a loop. It wasn't supposed to be like that at all. Even she knows it wasn't supposed to be like…" and he trailed off into silence, seemingly in deep thought

"Sanji…" I tried to say sympathetically. "What the heck are you talking about?"

"In my old house me and my father used to go outside and look at the stars. He'd help me climb the roof of our old garage and we'd set up lawn chairs. He taught me about all the constellations…" and then he began to point to the sky. "Look, there's Orion the hunter. And there's Ursa Major, the big bear that Orion was sent to hunt. Arc-to-Arc Arca. There's Taurus the bull and on his back are the six sisters. It's a shame that you can only see five in these city lights. And there's Medusa. One look in your eyes and she'll turn you to stone."

"As nice as all that is Sanji, I'd appreciate it if you stayed on topic. What wasn't supposed to be like what?" Sanji of course didn't directly answer the question, which I found quite irritating at the time.

"She said yes, Naota. Do you know how happy that made me?" I waited for him to continue but he just stayed silent.

"What did Ninamori say yes to?"

"Not Ninamori, Takara."

"Oh."

"And when she said it I realized that I could do it. I'd never done it before, but I could do it this time because she wanted to do it too. It'd be beautiful."

"I don't want to hear about what goes on in your sick fantasies," I warned.

"You're the sick one. I wasn't even talking about that. I mean I could finally date someone. Have a meaningful relationship. Let someone else be the center of my world…" I didn't interrupt him, but he suddenly stopped with a blush on his cheeks. "What am I saying… it's really late. I'm talking nonsense. All I mean is that I just wanted a girlfriend. That's all. Someone who I liked and would like me back. Is that so much to ask?"

It took all the effort I had in me to stop myself from saying yes. Sometimes that is too much to ask for. Sometimes it really is.

"But it didn't work out like that, you know? It should have. There was no reason it couldn't have. It's just that Eri didn't want it to. I'm not sure if she'd admit it but she probably doesn't want me to be with anyone. Not even her… but I'm getting ahead of myself."

"Yeah you are." He nodded.

"Well after the play Takara slapped me because Eri was all over me from act 3 to the end. What was I supposed to do though? Push her off? Wake her up? Snatch my hand away?" Once again I barely managed to restrain the harsh yes from escaping my lips.

"So then Eri asks me to have dinner with her. Nothing fancy or nothing. Just some burger joint down the road from her house. At first everything seems fine, but then she starts apologizing about earlier and asking me questions about my feelings. And she ate my food!" I could tell he was really angry about the food thing although I'm not sure why at all. I guess it's just one of those American things or something.

"So what'd you say to her?"

"I offered to buy her her own meal, but she turned me down and just kept on eating mine like some sort of animal. I'd expect that from a dog or something but…"

"I mean when she started asking you those questions." I had a feeling he knew what I meant all along, but he never let on.

"Oh. Well I told her the truth…" and he blushed again telling me everything I needed to know, but not everything he needed to say. I made a gesture with my finger, encouraging him to continue.

"I told her I liked her… and she practically slammed my head into the table."

"Did it hurt?"

"That was just a figure of speech."

"Oh." I guess I should have known that. Ninamori's not the violent type. "What happened next?"

"Well then we started walking home and she was giving me the usual it's me-not-you bull crap. She told me how I'm such a great guy and how she liked someone else. And all this stuff about the pressures of her life and how it'd help her if people thought she had a boyfriend that they wouldn't approve of. And then we got to her house she said some crap about her mom watching us and then she did it… she messed up everything." He couldn't have made it clearer that this was the end of his speech if he had said, "the end." But he still hadn't said what happened.

"What happened?"

"She messed up everything."

"How?"

"She… she did something that… I mean she said something that…"

"Just spit it out. Can't be that bad."

"She kissed me and said she just wanted to be friends."

"Kissed you? On the lips?"

He nodded indicating yes, but he said, "No. On the cheek." And he pointed to the spot for emphasis. "Right there, it still tingles when I think about it. I had a dream about that kiss and every time I feel her lips right there on cheek, but I woke up wishing it'd been on the lips. You know how soft they were? It was like two moist feathers touching my flesh… but on the cheek. And I can imagine them on my lips almost as clearly as if the kiss had been… but it wasn't it was on my cheek, right here. You know how I think it would feel if the kiss had landed on my lips… and not on my cheek like it happened in real life?" I didn't want to know at all. I was just content to know that he hadn't been frenching my girlfriend. Not that I would have done anything about it.

"I'll tell you. I bet it would feel horribly wonderful. Like dying by choking on your favorite candy. And I don't think she'd be gentle. I think she'd hurt me. Maybe not on purpose, but she'd do it anyways. And I'd love the horrible feel and hate it even worse. But none of that really matters because she kissed me on the cheek."

"Yeah… I'm sorry?"

"You don't get it at all, do you?"

"Not really. What's so bad about a kiss? Some guys would kill for one from Ninamori, even one as mild as the one she gave you." I hate to say this, but I took pleasure in knowing that the kisses I had received from the girl earlier were as mild. Sure they had been light and sweet, but at least she kissed me on the mouth. "Besides she's kissed you on stage loads of times. And it was on the lips too." I added that last part to appease his odd obsession with that particular exchange of affection.

"It's not the same and I think you know it. That's just for show. The point is she wants to just be fiends, but she also wants to keep on… kissing me. For show, of course. And I don't think it's right. She doesn't like me, so it shouldn't be that way. What type of friendship is that?"

Finally the moment of truth was reached. The moment where I could shed a little light on this situation and allow everyone to come out happy. Then we'd have a peaceful band again and we could all just go one being friends… however strange of friends we were back then.

"What do you think a friend is Sanji?"

"I think it's someone who looks out for you and helps you when you're down. And they're someone for whom you'd be willing to do the same. It's kind of like you're doing right now," he said with a small hint of a smile. I had to smile back at him even though he was being more emotional than I found comfortable.

"Well you're wrong."

"Huh?"

"Sure friendship might involve those things, but that's not what being a friend is all about. A friend is someone who helps you get what you want. Plain and simple."

"That's kind of… heartless. Where's the emotion and comradery?"

"If that's what you want and someone helps you to get it, then they're your friend. It really all depends on you." Sanji didn't have a response to that, but he still seemed skeptical.

"Ok, take you and me for example. You helped me in my band, I help you meet some new people. You helped me learn the guitar, I helped you play the drums better. You teach me about the constellations, I listen to you complain about getting kissed by pretty girls. It's a win/win situation. We each get what we want."

"Shut up Naota," he said while punching me in the arm. There was no real emotion behind it, just one of those things that friends do I guess. "Anyways, you didn't really want to learn about the constellations."

"Well the system isn't perfect. There's always going to be a better friend. But that doesn't really matter as long as you're both getting something out of it."

"What am I getting out of Ninamori kissing me and pretending she likes me?"

"Are you a male?"

"Seriously, what good does it do me if she doesn't mean any of it?"

I had to think of this one for a little while, but in almost no time I came up with the appropriate answer.

"You get some practice. You've never been in a relationship before and from what I can tell you don't really know what it's like."

"This isn't a relationship."

"My point exactly. Now you have an opportunity to learn all that awkward stuff that people go through with their first girlfriends without worrying about ruining it. Most people don't get that chance."

You should have seen his face light up. "You're right. I don't have to worry about a thing. The pressure is off and I can just relax around her. It's like all the benefits of a relationship without all the work." I nodded my head in agreement. "And the best part is she needs me. So I could probably get away with doing whatever I want and she wouldn't want to break it off."

"What!"

"Nothing like that! I'm just saying I can't mess it up. Nothing I could do wrong would cause her to leave." Sanji then got up from his place in the grass and I followed suit.

"Thanks Naota, you really helped me out."

"Anytime," I said and I meant it. It was nice to know that I could do something nice for someone and help them through their problems. When the world's filled with so much evil, you take pride in the little good you can do.

We walked back to my house in relevant silence. When we reached his car he kept going and walked me to the door.

"You know Sanji… _I'm_ not going to kiss you."

"Shut up. I just wasn't paying attention. I got lost in thought."

"What were you thinking about?"

"About us. Who's the better friend?"

"I don't know… but I imagine if I did, we wouldn't be friends anymore."

Truthful Commentary:

There's no beating around the bush… I sold out. Don't be ashamed of me. I couldn't help it. Naota and Ninamori needed that love scene… even if it was… conventional.

Oh well, hopefully it wasn't that bad, but I'd feel better if I got some responses on it. It's probably the first thing I've written for this story that I felt was sub-par. I know there has been some so-so stuff but that one just wasn't what I wanted it to be.

I did enjoy writing the Sanji/Naota scene though. In fact I enjoy writing all of the Sanji/Naota scenes. They just seem to be the best in my eyes. I realize this was another longer one, but at least I didn't kill you with it like last time. Thanks for reading. Check back for the next chapter. I'm not sure when it'll be done, but I guarantee it'll be complete before February 23. (Why February 23? No particular reason at all.)

P.S. -Big ups toKevin Federline. It takes some guts to live off of your wife. And he didn't even have to take her last name!


	6. In the Blink of an Eye Part I

**A/N:** Well this is it everybody. This is my last chance. If I can't make you like, respect, or sympathize with Masashi in this chapter, I'm never going to. This whole chapter is going to be mostly about him, so you better buckle up for the long haul. I'm sure the worst that could happen is that you won't like him any more than you used to… either that or you'll down right hate him.

I knowthis chapter islate, but it's not my fault. There were technical errors on the site (as you may have noted in the summary) and I could not upload the chapter. I was actually done with this on February 20, three days before my self-imposed deadline. Just thought you should know I keep my promises. And with that, Enjoy.

**In the Blink of an Eye**

**Part 1**

When you've been a doctor for 16 years there are certain things you learn to live with. You learn that there will always be a patient that you think you can treat but can't, that you don't want to treat but have to, and one that you know you can treat but are not aloud to. These are the facts of medical life. You do what you can for those that you can and let God sort it out later.

Still there are things that never get easy. It's never easy to tell a patient they have a terminal disease. It's never easy to tell a patient that they are going to die. It's never easy to tell someone that their friend/family member/next door neighbor/whatever the heck else is going to die. And last but not least, it's never easy to clean up after patients that can't clean up after themselves. That's what nurses are for.

What's my point? There is none really. All I'm trying to say is that some things don't get easy. They just get easier.

I remember the first time I told a patient she was dying. It was the most nerve wrecking experience of my life. It was like going out to play the big game, but knowing that you would lose beyond the shadow of a doubt. The patient was a young 30-year-old-woman with Leukemia and I was just a young 30-year-old-docter with bad news. She was pale and weak, and she hadn't been out in the sunshine for over 3 months (unless you count the times she was transferred to different wings of the hospital). But boy was she beautiful. The most beautiful woman I'd ever seen… including my wife. She had long black hair that would soon be falling out after radiation treatments and sparkling blue eyes that would soon grow cold and dull with exhaustion. In some way she reminded me of my wife. It was those electrifying eyes that held your attention and that soft voice that I knew was not just a product of her weakened state. And this woman I had to tell she would die. I had to tell her in a few months or so she'd never see her 8-year-old son again. I had to tell her that her husband would have to carry on without her. I had to tell her this and I had to be professional. And I did the best I could.

I said, "Mrs. Yamashiro, I'm sorry to tell you that your cancer is spreading beyond our control."

"Are you sure?" she said politely, yet with a fearful look in her eyes.

"Yes ma'am. We're sure." Even though there were no other doctors in the room I was careful to stay away from the word 'I'. 'I' is personal. 'We' is professional.

"Is there nothing you can do? Is there no operations or procedures?"

"There are some things that we can do, but we're afraid that we can only slow down the cancer. It does not look like we'll be able to stop it this time."

"…so I'm going to die? It's all over?"

"I'm sorry Mrs. Yamashiro," I said, accidentally crossing the line of professionalism. That was my first and only mistake. The woman started to cry. I walked over to her in an attempt to comfort her and she clung on to my neck like it was the only thing keeping her from dying. She cried into my shoulder and I rubbed her back gently, like you would that of an upset child. She cried on me for about 45 minutes… the longest 45 minutes of my life. Then without warning her cries softened and she fell asleep. I gently slipped out of her grasp and laid her back down on the hospital bed.

I drove home directly after that. My shift wasn't quite over, but in a way I guess it was. I couldn't take anymore that day. I couldn't save another life… I couldn't watch another life be destroyed. As I drove home I passed a billboard that said diamonds last forever. Under it there was a small patch of grass with 7 empty bottles of liquor littered upon it. There was a small boy that was collecting these bottles in a recycling bag. That's just a sample for you. I remember ever detail of that drive. When I got home the house was empty. I pulled back the curtains from the living room window and sat in my favorite chair, staring at the outside world. I fell asleep in a few hours, but was awakened by the sound of a car door closing. My wife was very surprised when I opened the door before she could even pull out her keys. I think she was more shocked when I hugged her tightly and cried onto her should just as Mrs. Yamashiro did mine. We stood like that for a long time and several times my wife tried to pull away, but I did not let her. I cried like a little schoolgirl.

But it was much easier this time, almost too easy.

I'd had much experience with this family over the past two years. Enough experience to know that they didn't really care whether the patient lived or died. Well that's not completely fair. One of them, the boy, he cared very much, but the rest of them wouldn't mind too much either way. I'm not saying they're bad people or anything. That's just the way it goes when you've had a relative in the hospital for a very long time.

When a patient is first admitted it strikes a blow to most caring/loving families. It makes them realize that the person is not invincible. In some cases it even ruins their view of self-invincibility which can be quite dangerous. The family finally realizes that they're loved ones could die. Over time this realization becomes more than just a fact. It becomes a reality. They _know_ their loved ones _will_ die. At this point, there's really nothing you could say to hurt your patient's family. They're already hurt and in some cases already healed. Any news you can give them (besides the final piece of news) can't do them any harm.

So I went in to see the patient's family and tell them my grave news. They were a nice group of people. The husband/father was a friendly looking guy, someone who I could even see myself befriending if the situation had been different. The wife/mother was a modestly pretty lady who seemed kind enough. The boy/son/young man also seemed all right for the most part, but he struck me as a little too serious.

But none of that matters all that much. I'm a professional. I handled the situation professionally. I went in, I said "hello Mr. and Mrs. So-and-so" and told them the grim news. "Your father is going to die." Their faces all fell.

"Is there nothing we can do?" asked Mr. So-and-so (I only knew their names by looking at the old man's medical report.)

I sighed. Sighing is professional. "Well there is one operation we could do," I said and their faces rose again. "But it's very risky and quite expensive."

"How expensive?" asked Mr. So-and-so predictably. I was glad that he hadn't asked how risky. It was another sign of acceptance. I gave him a figure and he and his wife's faces fell. But the boy/son/young man seemed unperturbed.

"I can't afford that," said the man shaking his head sadly. "I've got a family to feed and I have to send Masashi to college. Are you sure there's no other way?"

"Yes sir, we're sure."

"I understand," said the man a bit too quickly. I understood the tone in his voice perfectly. He was relieved that he wouldn't have to pay any more of his hard earned money into a lost cause. But he was also ashamed to be relieved. I was happy to see this. It meant he was normal. It meant he would be all right when this was all over. Although it was harder to tell, his wife was probably no different. After all it wasn't her father that was dying. She'd probably had come to accept this well before her husband.

The boy, however, he troubled me… from a professional standpoint of course. He seemed oblivious of the situation completely. His face still had not fallen. I was beginning to wonder if he had even heard what was being said.

"How long does he have?" asked Mr. So-and-so.

"About 3 months without the operation. Without the money all we can do is make him as comfortable as possible." The patient had been comatose for over a year. You don't get much more comfortable than that.

"Thank you doctor," said Mr. So-and-so as they prepared to leave. "have a nice day."

"Goodbye Mr. and Mrs. So-and-so. Goodbye boy/son/young man."

Mrs. So-and-so quickly said goodbye and the husband and wife began to leave, but stopped once they realized that the boy/son/young man wasn't following them. He said two words.

"I'll pay."

"Masashi, we've been over this. You've been working too hard as it is. I can't have you throw away your life over something so, so…" but Mr. So-and-so couldn't finish that sentence because he was ashamed at what he was going to say.

"I'll pay," said the boy/son/young man once again in the same tone.

"Didn't you hear what the doctor said? Did you hear how much the operation will cost? And that's on top of the price we're paying to keep him here. There's no way you can pay all that money," said Mrs. So-and-so opening her mouth for the first time since I came in the room.

The boy just turned around and begun to walk away. Once he reached the doorway he looked back at me and said, "Trust me. I'll pay," and they all left.

I knew better than to believe the boy's words. The old man would die. No teenage boy could raise that amount of money in so short of time, at least not legally. I thought it was sad that the boy would have to suffer in the end. I thought it was very sad indeed. But I went home that night and greeted my wife with a smile. It always gets easier.

* * *

I couldn't pay. This was not an opinion. This was a cold hard fact. When I got home from the hospital I went over all my options. I had a nice sum of money saved up since only a slim percentage of my wages actually went to helping out Grandpa. My parents covered the majority of the bill and it was by choice that I helped them. They never even asked me. I had saved the majority of the rest of my money, but I still didn't have nearly enough to cover the charges for the operation.

So I dropped out of school and got a full time job. With the larger salary and the cash I pulled in from the band, it looked as if I'd have just enough to cover the operation and maybe buy a cheep used car. But that didn't last long as my parents soon found out that I was skipping school. They told the people at my job that I was a drop out and I was fired. I had only earned a week's worth of wages and I still needed about 80 percent of the money for the operation. Realistically I could only earn about 3 percent of it a week (if I didn't eat lunch at school) and I only had 11 weeks left to do that in. I'll save you the trouble of doing the math: I was screwed.

So I did what any normal teenage boy would do in my situation. I cried in my room where no one would see me and I gave up. Don't think it was easy though. Giving up was the hardest part of the whole ordeal. I'd given my word and was prepared to surrender my future for the cause. But it proved useless. All that I could give had been given and it still was not enough. I was not enough.

So when our band practice ended the day after I gave up, I decided it was time to tell Naota the news. There was no point in waiting. Might as well kill someone else's dreams as well.

"You wanted to talk to me?" he asked in a funny way. I guess he was a little surprised that I was even associating with him. I didn't hate him anymore, but we had never really recovered from our falling out.

"Yeah, I do," I said slowly draining as much emotion out of the statement as possible. The cleaner the better, I thought. "Naota… it's over, ok."

"What?"

"I quit."

"Why?"

"I have no reason to be in this band anymore. I… have no use for the money. It was fun while it lasted. Really I did enjoy myself, but it's time this comes to an end." I know that sounded a little formal and more than a little corny, but it was true. Why should there be anything wrong with corny when it's true?

"But if you enjoyed yourself, why don't you just keep playing with us. We need you Masashi. You're not a base player, you're _the_ base player right now." His voice was very pleading. It was far from whinny, but only a few steps away from begging.

"It'd be wrong. I swore I wouldn't join the band… and I did. That was wrong, no matter what the reasons were or the results. I should have done the right thing. Now that I have the chance to do it, I will. Why don't you get Sanji to play base? He takes the thing home with him all the time anyways."

"Sanji's… not good. Not yet anyways. He's mastered the drums, but the guitar takes more of you. He can't give that much yet," Naota paused for a second. "He doesn't he know he has it."

I shrugged. "Not my problem. I made a promise and I'm going to follow through."

I turned and walked away. I made my point. Grandpa and the band would die together. There was nothing left to say. Only Naota thought there was.

"Just like you promised your Grandpa." I turned around so fast that I don't even remember doing it. I remember looking in one direction then instantly looking in the other.

"What did you just say?"

"You heard me. Your word means nothing Masashi. You can't even keep your promises to your family, much less your friends. Pathetic."

"Shut up, Naota!" I yelled taking large steps towards him. "You think you're better than me because you know stuff and you don't get caught lying. Well you're not! You're just a kid like the rest of us!" Looking back on that moment, I realize that my insults lacked elegance and substance. I was too angry to think of anything too witty and the way that I presented them didn't help much. Still, I think my point got across.

"I'm not a kid and you are not an adult. So stop trying to act like it. You're just making yourself miserable and hurting others in the process."

I ignored the half of his statement that pertained to me and focused on the half that dealt with him. "So if you're not a kid, what are you Naota?" I asked while jabbing him in the shoulder with my finger. I wasn't thinking my actions through very well and I found it difficult to control my rage. "Are you a baby Naota? Does your daddy change you when you crap your pants? No, you're much too smart for that. You're much to manipulative to be that innocent. So I guess you think you're a man, right? Yep that must be it. I can see it in your eyes. You're a man. You pay your own bills. You drive a fancy car. And I'm sure the women just throw themselves at you because you're so tall and handsome. And you never betray your friends. You're perfect Naota just perfect!"

In his defense he stated, "I never said that." I didn't give him the chance to say anything else.

"That's right. Of course you wouldn't say that. I forgot. You don't lie anymore! It must be tough Naota, huh? Having to look in the mirror every morning and realize that you're nothing, not even able to con yourself into believing you're an ok guy. It must be hard knowing that you're a below average student, with no social life, desperately clinging on to a pathetic little band as your last shred of support. You can't even get a girl. Your drummer stole her right from under you. All you can do is pine over your lost title of 'hero' and bask in the praise of the local drunks at the bar. And even that's being taken away from you now. So I see why you'd want to call me pathetic. Anything to ease your pain. It's ok, Naota. I don't hold it against you."

There was a long pause after that, a pause in which I realized two things. I realized that Sanji and Ninamori had been listening to the whole argument, and that I looked like the bad guy. It was etched all over their shocked faces. They were staring at me in disbelief, as if I had said the worst things in the world. I guess in their minds I had. I had deliberately spoken against their leader and friend who they admired so much. But for all my insults and harsh words Naota seemed mostly unaffected. His face was a bit red, but other than that there were little signs of anger from him.

"Are you done now?" he asked in even tones. I wanted to say something witty like "I'm just getting started", but I just nodded. By the end of my speech I could hardly feel the rage that I had started out with.

"I'm going to help you Masashi. As things stand you can only keep half of your promises and it's the lesser half at that. But I think I know of a way we can all be happy."

"You think you can save my grandfather?" I asked. All the sarcasm was gone from my voice and now I sounded like the one who was begging.

"No, but I think I can get you the money you need." He was talking in riddles, but I didn't care. If I could get the money for the operation, I would.

"How?"

"Simple. I'll get a job. You'll get the money." It was very simple. But I was still confused.

"But… why would you want to help me? I thought you hated me. Does the band really mean that much to you?"

"When I called you pathetic just now it wasn't because you don't keep your promises. It's because you don't use every option you have available to you. I'm your friend Masashi… at least I'd like to think that I still am. All you had to do was ask me and I'd help. Not trusting your friends is what makes you pathetic."

When I asked those questions… I didn't expect the guy to go all after-school-special on me. I'd be lying if I said I was "touched" by his words, but I guess I appreciated the actions that were sure to follow them. Naota didn't lie. That's one thing I couldn't hold against him.

"So do we have a deal?"

"I thought we were friends Naota." I said sarcastically. "Friends don't make deals, they do favors."

He just stared at me and waited for my answer. I said yes. What choice did I have?

Our deal was a little more complicated than Naota originally made it out to seem, but it was alright I guess. Naota said that he would work for three months and give me all the money, every last penny. I would play in the band until the operation was paid for and by then hopefully, Sanji would be good enough to take over my position as base guitarist. That is, if I still wanted to leave. I assured Naota that I would and after Sanji learned about my cause he even offered to help earn some of the money as well. When I left practice that day I was feeling better than I had in over a week. Things were finally looking up.

* * *

We all started work that Saturday… well all of us except for Ninamori.

Sanji managed to get Masashi and I jobs at the Rockin' Stones Bar and Grill. I didn't ask how and I really didn't want to know. Surprisingly, working for John Gregory paid better than I'd have expected. We made quite a bit over minimum wage and we even got food privileges and bathroom time. I got to work with my friends and I didn't have to eat bread all day. There was a much wider selection than at the bakery.

That being said, working for John Gregory sucked. I think part of my hatred for the job had to do with the fact that I would come straight from working at the bakery to working here. Another part of it had to do with the fact that I was giving up my free time to give money to someone who didn't even like me. But the reason I think I hated working there the most was because it just plain sucked. Everyday it was the same thing. Washing the same mugs, cleaning up the same messy tables that were used by the same messy people. Scrubbing the same puke from the same puke stained bathrooms and holding back some drunk, rich lady's hair as she hurled her last 7 beers into the toilet. Most of that didn't bother me as much after a while, but soon I got tired of hearing the same story of her divorce and how she wished her husband had got the kids because he was a better parent. It was depressing, but I felt no sympathy for her. After working there for a month I felt like I needed a beer. But John Gregory said I was too young.

The things I do for my friends.

* * *

Working for John Gregory has taught me a few things about people. They're all depressed. At first I thought it was just me. I thought that I was the only one who didn't understand my life and didn't know why I live. But it truly is everyone.

I found out that Masashi was right about everything concerning Naota. He's just a kid trying to give meaning to his life through some band that he created. He's so determined that he'll do any amount of work just to keep his band. And why? What's so great about it? We play well and Ninamori sings well and people like us for that. But can you justify your life because you can strum a few notes and lay down a few beats?

Still, I believe that Naota was the harmless one. His sad existence hurts no one but himself. It's the rest of us that scares me. Masashi was willing to let his oldest and most personal friendship die for the sake of a man who would soon die anyways. Ninamori was willing to betray the man she says she loves, whoever that may be, just so she'll be labeled as a "rebel" or something like that (I still don't understand her motivation completely). But in all reality, I was the worst of us all because I helped all of them with their hurtful deeds.

So believe me when I say that I understand why people would want to go to the bar every night. Because life is either painful or pointless and for some reason both of those feelings go away when you're drunk. Why else would they keep coming back?

The only person that didn't seem to loose themselves in the alcohol was the poor drunken rich lady. There was no end to the sympathy I felt for her.

* * *

I didn't like working at John Gregory's, but I understood that it was a necessity. Cleaning dirty messes and watching people waste their lives away was not sad to me. It was a job and I did it. That's all there was to it.

Playing in Naota's band though… that was the problem.

The band was good. We played good music. People liked our music and for that reason people liked us. I liked our music. I liked the people that liked our music. But I hated the band and in some small way I hated myself for being a part of it.

I'd sworn I wouldn't do it, but I did it all the time. Between the practicing and the gigs it occupied almost all of my free time away from work. It had gotten to the point to where the only thing that identified me was the band. I was an average school student, with no extra-curricular activities, a small circle of "friends" and a large circle of fans. That was all there was to me. The sad part is, I liked it. And that's what scared me.

Oh, and in case you're wondering, I could care less about the drunken rich lady that got wasted every night.

* * *

Naota knew that the amps inside of the Medical Mechanica plant were not ordinary amps. In fact, he knew exactly what they could do. Well, at least he knew what they could do on a large scale in a short amount of time. He did not, however, know what they could do on a small scale in a long amount of time. One month before Masashi's grandfather was scheduled for his operation (or death) he found out.

The band was practicing a new song that Sanji had written about working at the Rokin' Stones Bar and Grill. In all honesty the song was pretty lame but no one had the heart to tell him. It had cheesy lyrics and boring guitar parts. Its only saving qualities were the intricate rhythms provided by the drums and a drum/bass guitar duet towards the end of the song that was actually quite good.

It was during that duet that everything seemed to go wrong. Having nothing better to do, Ninamori and Naota, sat watching Sanji and Masashi work through the somewhat difficult part. Sanji already knew his part as he had been the one to write it, but he was having a bit of trouble coordinating with Masashi. Even so there seemed to be an odd majestic feeling flowing through the air as usually occurs when playing in their "studio". It was like the gravity had increased around them, making it slightly harder to stand and breathe, yet exhilarating them at the same time.

But as they got deeper and deeper into the solo it seemed as if Masashi found it literally harder to breathe. It seemed as if the weight of the world was on his shoulders and it was crushing him. Yet, he put up a brave front and kept strumming his part. No one even seemed to notice anything was wrong until he abruptly stopped playing and fell to the ground. When they ran over to check on him Naota was the first to notice he was not breathing.

Sanji called an ambulance on his cell phone, but it was unnecessary by the tame they got there.

No, Masashi didn't die. He had started to breathe again and they could have just driven him to the hospital themselves. The ambulance took them there anyways and Sanji and Ninamori rode with the unconscious young lad and stayed with him until his parents arrived. Ninamori held his hand the whole ride there, much to Sanji's slight irritation.

Naota opted to stay and clean up their studio. He checked the connections to the bass guitar and the amp inside the factory and found that nothing was wrong. This realization prompted him to say one simple word.

"Crap."

Truthful Commentary: 

Yes I wrote another two-part chapter.

No I don't expect you to completely understand what happened at the end. If there was something you didn't understand you can ask me. It will probably be explained eventually, but ask me anyways. It could be that the thing you want to ask is something I'm forgetting to explain. Besides, I'm here to serve.

OtakuSama9, you flatter me, but that's not why I'm mentioning you in here. I thought I'd answer your questions in the chapter because they are important ones and you have disabled your personal messaging.

Is the moon really gone and if it is, why doesn't anyone else notice?

Yes the moon is really, truly gone. No one in Mabase has seen it since the day that Haruko left, but because it's Mabase, no one really cares.

Is the moon a symbol for Haruko?

What do you think? If you don't know by now I'm not telling you. You'll just have to figure it out for yourself, my self-proclaimed greatest fan. That goes for the rest of you as well.

Well thanks for reading again everyone.

Hope you enjoyed,

Fresh C


	7. In the Blink of an Eye Part II

**A/N:** About chapter 4, Masashi said some things about women that were just plain wrong, but that I do not apologize for writing. "All girls are stupid" or something like that. I don't agree with his statement (yes I know I wrote it) but it was placed in there more as a joke than anything else. If I actually believed this statement I'd never have made Ninamori as smart and influential to the plot as she is? I just wanted to clarify that so that there'd be no hard feelings.

**In the Blink of an Eye Part 2**

I was in the hospital for a whole week before I was released. The doctors were very concerned for my health, since I showed absolutely no negative symptoms. A young man doesn't just pass out for no reason, after all. There was also the fact that I had stopped breathing to consider as well. So no matter how many times I told them I was fine, or how many tests came up negative they simply would not release me from their care. But after that week they had ran out of sensible tests to conduct and decided that my "episode" was caused by stress and that my lack of respiration was a cause of my friends fear and overactive imagination. That didn't stop them from sticking my parents with a large bill, that I ended up paying (by choice).

My parents, taking these wise men of science at their word, decided that I should not work any longer as it was "slowly killing" me. I was already falling behind in my studies and I just didn't need the added pressure, they assured me. So the moment I got home from the hospital they called John Gregory and had me fired. John didn't protest on my behalf, he had no reason to. My dream of saving Grandpa was all but dead.

All my hopes rested in Sanji and Naota to bring in the money. I had a talk with them and they agreed to work extra shifts so long as I remained in the band. I, in turn, agreed to remain in the band.

Even with this new development it seemed as if I'd barely be able to pull in enough money to save my grandpa's life. And even if we came a little short, I was sure my parents weren't so heartless that they wouldn't fork up just a _little_ cash so the old man could live. At that moment in time it looked as if things would turn out well.

That's all that mattered.

* * *

They say that you should never trust people in the music business. This statement is especially true when it comes to John Gregory. They also say that you should never trust a person with two first names, so that's two strikes against the man. 

I met John at college back home in America. Even then he was an incredibly smart man with big dreams, great work ethic, and a heart three times too small. He seemed nice enough to me back when I first met him, but as I slowly got to know him I noticed his heartless quality. I told him about this once in a conversation and he replied, "Katherine, you're no wall flower either, you know."

I did know. I knew that I would do what I had to in order to get what I wanted. I knew that a few people would get hurt along the way and that this was regrettable, yet inevitable. I knew that I was cut out for the music business and so did John.

Before either of us had even come close to obtaining a degree, we had decided to be partners in our own music production company. Lorain and Gregory Records incorporated, or L and G Records for short. My name came first as I was the financial backer of the establishment (my family was quite well off monetarily). But in reality John was the genius behind our business.

John knew his stuff. He knew what music should sound like and he knew how to make it sound that way. When John found a band that had great talent and no image, he gave them an image. When John found a band with ok talent and a great image he found ways to "improve" their talent. There were so many simple things you could do to the hardest of songs to make them easy. And there were so many songs just waiting to be bought off of writers that one of them _had_ to work for the group you wanted to succeed. But when John found a band with no talent and a perfect image John knew just how to kick them to the curb. That's one of the things I loved about him. Even though it wasn't "all about the music" to him, he showed a respect for music that is seldom seen in the business now a day.

Yes, it was true that John new when to risk it all on one client and when to quit. The same went for me when it came to the business sense of the company. America was not the land of opportunity that it used to be when it came to music. People wanted to hear things they already knew and had heard millions of times before, rather than listen to new groups that had only played in bars and retirement homes. While the money was good enough that John and I didn't starve, Snowball was going hungry and a girl's got to feed her cat. I could have always turned to my parents for money, but at the time I was just too proud to ask for help. They had raised me to be independent and I has sworn I'd never live under their roof again after college. We'd have to look for a new place to set up our business.

One day I walked into the office and saw John watching an old samurai movie on television, the type that they only show on Saturday mornings. I turned to him and asked, "Japan?"

"Why not?" he asked in response and the business was shipped over seas in about three months.

From then on out we had instant success. The expanding music market in Japan coupled with John's wonderful production skills and my amazing business skills lead us straight to the top. We stayed there.

Some people would say that it's lonely at the top. John Gregory was one of them, I was not. After 20 years of successful business John wanted out. He claimed that the business was getting just as bad as it had been in America.

"The kids these days, they don't play anything new anymore. Everything's been done before and if it hasn't been done before it's just a variation on something that has. You know what you hear when you listen to a song played by one of our bands and you listen to a song played by somebody else's band? _The same dang song_. The only difference is they added an extra _boom-chick_ here or got rid of that _twanga-langa_ there. It's sad what we've got to work with Kat, it's sad."

For the record John was right. The business had become so stagnant that I was surprised that we were both so filthy stinking rich. We were so rich that I didn't dare let John leave the company. I needed his expertise, but more than anything, I needed his name. People understood that when you played for Lorain _and _Gregory you were going to make big bucks and that when you were listening to a song from Lorain _and _Gregory you were listening to pure genius. But if you were playing for or listening to a song from Katherine Lorain, what did that mean? It meant nothing.

So John and I were tied up for a long time in the court system disputing the terms of our breaking in partnership. John wanted his name wiped from the company because he didn't want to have anything to do with "the music of today" and I desperately wanted the name to stay. I won, of course, but not without a price. More than three thirds of my revenue went to John and even today he makes cash off of every CD I sell. Last time I heard, he used the money to open up some bar in the middle of nowhere. But the worse consequence of our "falling out" was that I had lost my only friend and partner. So excuse me if I feel a little betrayed.

That's why I was surprised when John called me after all these years. Surprised and suspicious.

"Hey Katherine it's me," said as if nothing had ever changed between us.

"How'd you get this number?"

"You never changed it." He won round one.

"Well, what do you want, I'm kind of busy." I wasn't busy. I hadn't actually worked a day in my life since John quit. I just hired other people to work for me. When you're pulling in as much money as I do, you can afford to do that.

"You're not too busy for your old friend are you, Kat? I could call back later."

"Just tell me what you want."

There was a long pause on the other end of the phone line and then John said the words that I'd heard him say maybe a dozen times before.

"I've found the one Katherine. This is it."

"John… don't waste my time."

"I'm serious Kat, this band is the best I've heard in ages."

"Please John, I've got enough lost causes as it is. I don't need another group to give five minutes of fame. It was nice hearing from you," I said as I almost hung up the phone.

"Just wait a second," John pleaded. "These kids are good, really good. They write their own music,they have a sound that's original andthey havea look that's so… normal, no one would ever guess they were in a band."

"Why would I want a band that looks normal?"

"Think about it Kat. These kids actually look like kids. But they play like the greats. The people can relate to them. Every little boy and girl will admire them and every teenager will want to be them. You can't buy an image like that."

I sighed. "Yeah that sounds great and all, but there's really no way for me to put them on the payroll. We've got so many projects going on right now that there's no way we could afford to ship them out here and let them cut a record." This was a lie. John knew it was a lie. John also knew that I knew that he knew it was a lie.

"Listen, I'll pay for it all myself and I'll even do the work for their first record. Just give them a chance. If they aren't an instant hit, then you can get rid of them, and never listen to me again."

"I've never seen you so devoted to a band."

"I've never seen a band with so much potential."

"Fine," I said with much reluctance. "But first I've got to hear them."

The very next day I flew out to Mabase.

I had to admit it… John was right.

* * *

No one was more surprised about the visit of a producer to our concert than I was. Masashi's mouth hung open, Naota looked like he'd start doing back flips at any moment, and Ninamori couldn't stop smiling. But me, I just couldn't believe it. John Gregory had called in a favor for us and he hadn't even told me, the child who lives under his care... sort of. 

But none of that really mattered. What mattered was that we really were going to cut a record and we really were going to be a hit band. All the crap that Naota had said was real and not just fantasy. And we'd only been playing together for less than a year.

But as with all good things, there was a catch. There was money involved.

While John Gregory had agreed to pay the majority of the costs required, we had to come up with the money for travel and recording time.

"I believe in you kids, I really do, but I'm not just going to give it to you on a silver platter. You've got to show me you want it."

So that was that. We needed money. We had none… unless you counted the money we'd saved for Masashi's grandfather. And no one even considered that money at all. No one but Masashi, that is.

* * *

I was screwed… again. I couldn't fulfill my end of the bargain. I couldn't play in the band. Well that's not completely true. The truth of the matter is that I couldn't play _with_ the band. 

After my accident Naota refused to let me play his bass guitar and gave it to Sanji indefinitely. When I asked him why he smiled and said, "Because it's killing you."

"Cut the crap Naota," I told him.

He replied, "Just trust me ok, I know what I'm doing."

But the thing that Naota didn't understand was that I could not trust him. That had been my problem with the band since day one. I loved to play the music, I really did. But when it came to the band, I just couldn't trust Naota. And if I couldn't trust him with a band how could I trust him with my Grandfather's life?

I couldn't. As soon as he took away that guitar from me, things just stopped clicking together for us. We were still good, but we weren't the same. I don't think I can explain it really. It's just that my guitar didn't feel the same. It didn't harmonize right with… well, anyone. I would have never noticed the difference months ago, but then it was painfully obvious. And I was not the only one to notice. Every time we finished a song the rest of the band would look over at me as if I'd done something wrong. It got to the point where I was wondering if it was the fact that I'd lost the guitar, or if it was just me letting it go to my head.

Either way, it didn't matter. I was not fulfilling my part of the deal and Naota knew it.

There was no doubt in my mind that Naota would use the money for my grandfather to pay for his band. Naota was a man possessed. He had one goal and he was going to accomplish it. I was also a man with a goal and I knew that only one us would be able to succeed. So when I broke into Sanji's apartment that night I only had one thought in my mind.

My grandfather would live.

* * *

What happened to our favorite band next was truly tragic. Masashi truly did break into Sanji's apartment and two precious things were stolen. One was a guitar worth more than the lives of many men, and the other was a relatively small sum of money, at least in the grand scheme of things. Both items were missed in the morning, but only one of them was returned. When Masashi came back the next day to give back the blue bass guitar he was confronted by the rest of the band. 

"We trusted you Masashi," said Ninamori.

"I had really thought you were a good guy," said Sanji disappointedly.

"It's not what it looks like. I just took the guitar to practice with. I was curious. I think it caused my accident."

"And what did you take the money for?" asked Ninamori acidly. "To see if it was counterfeit?"

"What money?" asked Masashi. "I didn't take any money!"

"We would have saved your grandpa, Masashi," said Sanji as he sadly shook his head. "We're not heartless."

"Some one stole the money for the operation! You can't be serious!"

"Just stop the act Masashi, ok," said Ninamori sternly.

"But I really didn't take the money. You have to believe me. You know I'm telling the truth, right Naota."

"I know that there was money here, and now there isn't. I know that you needed money and you didn't trust us to give it to you. I know that you felt there was nothing wrong with stealing my guitar in the dead of the night. And I also know that most thieves don't just take one thing. So tell me Masashi, what am I supposed to believe?" Naota sounded angry. He looked it too. In fact, he looked more angry than both of the other two combined.

"What am I going to do now? I have no job, I have no band, and I have no money. My grandfather's going to die."

"A deal's a deal," said Naota angrily. "You stayed in the band so you get to keep the money."

"But I don't have the money!"

"Go save your grandfather," said Ninamori sadly. "He's all you care about anyways."

Masashi surveyed the faces of everyone in the room. They were all unchanging. They each showed that same mixture of anger and remorse that can only be described as betrayal. Masashi gave up. But as he walked towards the door he said his final words on the matter.

"Fine… don't believe me. You'll all know the truth when my grandfather dies. And by then, I won't even care."

But his Grandfather didn't die. The money was in Masashi's room, under his pillow and he'd be a fool not to use it. Was he guilty of the crime? Who am I to say? All I know is that it wouldn't turn out too well if the case went to trial.

But what difference does it really make? You all know the story doesn't end here. The band will find other ways to make the money and more importantly Masashi's grandpa didn't die.

So what does it matter if three friendships end in the blink of an eye?

Truthful Commentary:

Don't be fooled. This was not just important plot advancement. It was also a shameless move to get rid of Masashi in one fell swoop. He was always the hardest character for me to write. Including the new characters that I added, like Ninamori's mom, the doctor, and Katherine Lorain. This is not to say that Masashi is now dead to the story. He's just safely put out of the way until I need him again.

On a different note, I'm very curious to hear what you all think of Katherine Lorain and John Gregory (now that his character is more rounded out). Other than that I have nothing else more to yap about. Hope you all enjoyed, and sorry for the long time between posts. I've been so busy that I barely ever see my home anymore.

Fresh C


	8. Multiplicity

**A/N:** Well it's been a while and I won't bore you with my lame excuses. I don't plan on quitting this one until it's done, but since my writing had become quite lengthy I have no idea how many more chapters this will take. Don't expect fast updates… but expect updates. And for anyone who was wondering… no this isn't a 1996 comedy about a guy who clones himself to make his life easier.

**Multiplicity**

Things were different after Masashi left and it's important that you understand. Up till now I really didn't care what you'd thought about my friends and I, but at this point in the story you have to realize what we were going through. You have to believe that we could not have behaved in any other manner. You have to know us. And while I don't think you'll completely comprehend me, you must understand my friends.

I loved my friends. Sometimes I loved them from a distance the way I did Masashi and Gaku and sometimes I loved them up close the way I did Sanji and Naota. But no matter how I loved them, I loved them. That's why Masashi's betrayal hurt so much.

Being the Mayor's daughter had been a hard burden on me for the majority of my life. Every two years I would watch as my father ran for elections and desperately hope that he lost. He neverloss and my life never got any easier.

The problem is that everyone wants to say that they know the mayor's daughter, but no one wants to actually know the mayor's daughter. I was in a strange position of influential power that in my younger years even I didn't understand. People respected me because they respected my dad and they feared me because they feared my dad as well. Sure there were people that wanted to be my friends, but often times these people just wanted to be my friends because of who I was. It wasn't like they were trying to use me or anything, it's just that they got some sort of a kick out of associating with the mayor's daughter.

When I was at an age where I was old enough to recognize all of this, I realized that I had spent 10 years of my life and not acquired a single true friend. This realization scared me greatly and I strove desperately to become closer to all of my acquaintances. I joined every club, I talked to everybody, and I invited people to go with me anywhere I could think of. None of this worked. The children around me viewed our relationship as that of a boss and an employee. You may get to know your boss and you might even like him, but no matter how close you get to your boss, your boss is still your boss and you are still his employee.

I slowly grew to accept this fate. As long as my father was mayor and as long as I lived in Mabase I would not have friends. This was a sad fate, but it was acceptable. All that crap they tell you about needing love and needing friends is a lie. You can survive without them, it's just not something you want to do if you can avoid it. I couldn't avoid it. I resigned myself to the role of a leader and the mind of a child. I couldn't have the thing I wanted the most, so I'd take whatever else I could get. I went to extreme measures to get what I wanted, sometimes even cheating or blackmail. I found that this lifestyle worked for me and that it could continue to work forever. But all of that changed when I met Naota.

Now I'd known Naota for quite sometime before I met him, _truly_ met him. Before the time we'd done the play together I had known him as just another acquaintance that I'd never be able to get close to. But even before the play I had wanted to get close to him. What attracted me to him was the fact that he didn't care that I was the mayor's daughter. What intrigued me about him was the fact that he didn't care about anything. He didn't care what people thought he was doing with that high school girl, he didn't care about how he dressed, and he didn't care about me. The only thing he did care about was maintaining the image that he didn't care about anything.

Upon closer observation of Naota, I discovered one glaring fact. Naota cared about everything. He cared that he was in a strange relationship with two older women, he cared that he didn't understand where he was going in life, and most importantly he cared that he cared too much about everything. He was a messed up boy. I was a messed up girl. I desperately wanted us to be messed up together and I was too messed up to understand why. But the gap between society and me was still strong and the gap between society and Naota was even stronger. I had no idea how to approach the boy. So I settled for teasing and hanging out in groups that just happened to have him in them.

That's is how I met Masashi and Gaku. They were both nice to me and began to treat me as one of their fold. It wasn't long until I realized that I was slumming. These three were not on my social level. They weren't even on my social radar. I didn't care though because it seemed as if I had finally found friends, however weird our friendship may have been.

And it _was_ a weird friendship the four of us had. I pretended not to need them while I clung to them like an addiction. Naota pretended not to need us and to some degree he didn't. Yet he still felt obligated to hang onto us, like an old ugly shirt that he was too fond of to cast away. Masashi, he just liked having us all around and being together with people. He didn't need to put up a front. He was just our friend. Gaku… he needed us and he acted as if he needed us. He's a good guy, but he's also kind of annoying. We all put up with him, because we'd always put up with him and he gave us something to put up with. It didn't make too much sense, but in a way I needed him just as much as anyone else in my newly formed circle of friends.

What I didn't need though, was the band. When Naota formed the band everything came apart. Sure I had more of Naota than I'd ever had before, but I'd lost much of my friendship with Masashi and almost completely lost contact with Gaku. It was a sad thing, but in a way it was necessary. Things would have never progressed if the band hadn't been formed. Also I never would have met Sanji.

I knew of Sanji well before he knew of me. To everyone in the school Sanji was "that American Boy who just moved here from the country side". Sanji was an instant subject of conversation and gossip. He was a stranger in Mabase and he was white. Nothing else really mattered. I didn't really care about him one way or the other, but most people in our school had a solid opinion about him. He was either that strange American boy, or that really sweet guy… from America.

After I met Sanji and began to hang out with him I soon begin to like him. He really was a sweet guy. He held doors for all the girls when entering the school, volunteered his time to any school activity, and other random acts of kindness that seem almost unnatural nowadays. At first I thought he did these things out of the kindness of his heart, but I'm not so sure about that anymore. It's almost as if he _has _to help people. For example, when Sanji was walking me to physics one day this kid about 5 feet in front of us dropped his books. One moment Sanji was talking to me as we held hands and then the next he was rushing off to help this kid (a boy even) pick up his stuff. By the time Sanji got to the kid through the crowd he had already picked up his things. Sanji slowly walked back to my side with his head slightly hung as if he was defeated.

I don't really know why Sanji feels the need to help people. I often wonder if it's something he does for his own self-worth or if his parents were Chivalry-Nazis. Either way, his kindness scared me a bit. In his presence I didn't feel good anymore. I felt… dirty. Like I wasn't worthy to be at his side or something. So that's why I need you to understand why I did what I did. I needed to be on his level. I knew I couldn't rise to where he was, so I had to bring him down to me. I know it was wrong, but at the time I couldn't stop myself.

That's why I made Sanji my boyfriend.

* * *

By the time Masashi had left the band I had come to know Ninamori as two separate people. When we were by ourselves she would treat me as a friend. She'd say nice things, tease me at times, and always be there to talk to when I needed her. But when we were around others "Ninamori the Friend" changed to "Eri the Pretender". Don't get me wrong though, Eri was still pretty fun to be around. She had certain elegance about her that often lacked in Ninamori. Eri could put herself on display in a sense. She seemingly commanded my attention without even trying and she made me feel like I was doing something right as a man. But there was a certain sincerity missing in Eri that always shone through in Ninamori. The thing was, even though Eri treated me nicely, we weren't exactly friends. She had an agenda that I disagreed with, but I went along with it because it pleased Ninamori. But Eri didn't like me and I knew it. Somehow when she talked I always got the feeling that she was lying. And when she favored me with her feminine touch I almost never felt the warmth. But I grew to accept this because that's what it took to be a good friend. I was helping Ninamori and that was good enough for me. 

But things got weird after a while. Weirder, I mean. The two very different people that I had grown used to had somehow started to become one. I found myself wondering whose company I was keeping at certain times. Like when we went to the school dance together. I was out on the dance floor with Eri having a relatively good time. Eri was moving rhythmically to the beat in a graceful display. It was entertaining just to watch her. I didn't really know what I was doing out there. I just moved around like everyone else and hoped I didn't look like a fool. It was kind of fun. But then a slow song comes on and I'm sort of confused at what to do. I see all these other couples holding each other and rocking and I got sort of intimidated. I told Eri I wasn't sure what to do and offered to get her some punch. She wasn't having any of that. She decided to teach me how to do it.

And that's when things got weird. Out of nowhere I look up and see that it's not Eri that's teaching me how to dance, it's Ninamori. She tells me where to put my hands and I'm hesitant to move them there.

"Stop being a wuss," she teased and I felt less tense about it already. But when I put my hand on her waist I blush a bit. It was awkward to be touching Ninamori like that. I realized if it had been Eri I probably wouldn't have cared at all.

"Your hand is too high," says Ninamori and she removes one arm from around me to bring my hand lower on her body. Then she gives me this look that I can't describe. It was like the elegance of Eri mixed with the kindness of Ninamori. The girl was absolutely glowing. The only other time I had ever seen her give a look like that was when she was singing. I didn't think it was possible for her to pull it off any other time.

I opened my mouth to make some potentially embarrassing comment about how beautiful she looked, but she starts to talk first. What she says completely ruins the mood and I think that's what she intended for.

"Don't put your hands too low though Sanji. I don't want you getting any ideas in your head."

But of course such a statement only caused me to think of such ideas. The thought hadn't even crossed my mind before. But I try to ignore them and play the friend role that I had always played with Ninamori.

"In your dreams," I say with a smile.

But then all of a sudden I see Eri looking at me with this mock hurt expression. As I looked into her face I felt bad for what I said, even though I know Eri is joking with me. She then leans her head on my shoulder and whispers into my ear.

"But I thought you liked me Sanji. Don't you think I'm beautiful?"

But I don't know what to say because I don't know who I was talking to. If it was Ninamori I'd say something witty or sarcastic. If it was Eri I'd give her an offhanded complement. But I got the feeling that the girl whispering in my ear was neither of those girls… or maybe both of them. I didn't know how to deal with this new girl. How could I? I'd just met her. So I went on the defensive.

"Of course I think you're beautiful, I'm just too much of a gentleman to take advantage of you like that," I said.

I tried to make this statement sound like half a joke and half a flattery, but it came out completely wrong. It sounded serious, like I was offended or something. I instantly wanted to take the words back and choose awkward silence in their place. But the girl I was dancing with didn't mind. In fact she sounded pleased when she responded.

"That's why I like you so much Sanji," she said in her too-soft voice with a too-kidding tone.

I'd never felt more confused in my life. I was dancing with some strange girl that I had known all along. And she seemed to adore me, absolutely adore me. And I felt like… I felt like I wanted to love her. But you have to understand… I didn't love her. I just thought that I might want to try to love her. Even though such an emotion is so far drawn away from actual love, it is still very powerful. My heart was racing, my throat was closing in on me, and I felt like doing something completely stupid. Like kissing her or telling her I loved her just because I thought that I might want to try to. I didn't think it was possible to feel so much for a girl that I barely knew. Heck, I didn't even know what to call her.

Luckily I was saved from a stupid action on my part by the ending of the song. I practically ran to go get punch and when I got back Eri was waiting for me on the dance floor. The new girl was gone and I was inexplicably saddened. I spent the rest of the night dancing with Eri and having the occasional conversation with Ninamori, but it wasn't too exciting. I met up with Naota a bit as well, but he didn't seem to be having a good time either. He said dances weren't really his "thing". By the end of the night I was starting to wonder if they were my "thing" either.

I drove the two of them home at about 10 that night. We were all pretty tired and there was very little conversation between us. Naota sat in the front seat next to me and Ninamori sat in the seat directly behind him. The radio was playing in the background and Ninamori was humming along with the music. Naota kept throwing me odd glances. Overall I'd have to say it was the most awkward situation of the night. Luckily the moment passed when we reached Naota's house. We said our quick goodbyes and drove off. Ninamori took over the passenger seat. There was less tension in the air once Naota left and I had no idea why at the time. I wondered if there was something going on between Ninamori and Naota that I didn't know about. I was too tired to give it any serious thought though so I just chalked it up as an odd moment.

* * *

"I don't want to go home yet," said Ninamori abruptly. I slowed the speed of the car drastically in response. 

"Huh?" I asked curiously.

"Can't we go do something for a while?" she asked. I threw her an appraising look only to find that she looked as normal as ever. She looked just like Ninamori. Not Eri or that other girl that effortlessly destroyed my emotional barriers.

I breathed a sigh of relief and asked, "What do you have in mind?"

"Are you hungry?" she asked continuing the string of questions.

"Am I ever not?"

"You want to go to the usual spot?" I think at this point it had become a sort of game.

"Is there any other place?"

Ninamori just laughed at the last question. I was pretty sure she could have thought of something to continue our little challenge, but I figure it would have gotten old sooner or later. In less than ten minutes we were back at the dingy burger joint we'd been to so many times before. Yes the place was a dive, but it was our dive and we were happy to have it. We tried to take Naota here once, but he said he couldn't stand the food. I think I recall him making some comment about there being enough oil in the fries to fix every creaky door in the city. It was his loss.

We both ordered a double-cheese burger meal with a large coke. I was very happy to see that Ninamori bought her own food this time as I was currently almost broke. Between saving Masashi's dad and trying to pay for the expenses of the band I had nearly depleted my pay from both my jobs from the past 3 months. After paying for the meals we took our usual seat at a booth far in the back. We liked this seat because it offered privacy since there was a small wall that obstructed us from the view of the front counter. It wasn't that we didn't like the cashiers or anything, it was just a little awkward having them stare at us since were usually the only customers there when we came.

I was at ease with Ninamori up until this point. I had forgotten about her split personalities and the different feelings that the different girls brought up in me. I was just happy to be with my friend again, in a familiar place, enjoying a familiar situation. But Ninamori had to blow it. Instead of sitting across from me as she usually did, she sat right next to me on my side of the booth. At first I wanted to turn to her and ask her what she was doing, but I thought better of it. I moved over to make room for her and she moved over as well. Only her move lessened the space between us causing our legs to be in slight contact. She wasn't close enough to make me nervous, but she was close enough for me to notice. We ate in silence for a little while before Ninamori spoke up.

"I had a good time at the dance tonight," she said conversationally.

"I guess I did too," I said even though that was only half-true.

"We should do stuff like that more often, don't ya think?"

"We do stuff like that all the time."

"Yeah… but it was different this time, wasn't it?"

"I don't see how," I said, but I vaguely had an idea what she was getting at.

"Yes you do," she protested sounding almost annoyed. "It was like we were the only ones there."

"But the whole school was practically out there," I said while giving her a look that indicated she was insane. But Ninamori pressed on with lots of determination behind her voice.

"Yeah, but for a moment it felt like it was just us. Even though there were tons of people around us, it was just us. Surely you know what I'm talking about!" She looked liked she'd cry if I didn't understand. Literally cry.

"Yeah, I think I know what you mean," I said and her face lifted considerably. "But please don't call me Shirley," I added and she even laughed a little. In that instant I felt much better about our current situation. Things seemed to be in my control, or at least there was a joint level of control between the two of us.

"But seriously Sanji, that type of thing doesn't happen to me often, but with you I think it could happen a lot." And just like that my perceived control was thrown out the window.

"Do you want situations like that to happen. I mean it's kind of odd… and a little uncomfortable too."

"I liked it," said Ninamori and she grabbed my hand from under the table. And I didn't know what to think at all. Ninamori, my friend, had just grabbed my hand. A few seconds of silence passed and I realized she wasn't letting go.

Once again, had this been Eri I would have thought nothing, nothing at all. I would just accept it as one of those "facts of life". But this wasn't Eri, even if she looked just like her. This was unmistakably Ninamori holding my hand and peering into my eyes and pretending that I'm the only person in the universe. A jolt shot through my intestines and my pancreas did back flips while the wings of butterflies beat mercilessly on the inner-wall of my stomach. My mouth went dry. So I turned away from Ninamori and took a long sip from my coke. Ninamori did not let go of my hand and when I looked back at her she was still staring at me.

"It really makes you uncomfortable doesn't it?" she asked playfully and I laughed nervously.

"Yeah, I guess so."

"Ok then," she said and she let go of my hand. "Is that better?"

"Not really," I said because it wasn't. I was still close to Ninamori and it didn't seem as if that would change anytime soon. But there was something else as well… I kind of missed the contact of her skin, if only a little.

"Ok then," she said and she held my hand again. "Are you good now?"

"Uh… not really," I said quite honestly, but with a hint of shame as well. I still don't know why she really affected me that way. I sometimes wonder if I'd have felt the same if it had been some other girl sitting next to me and holding my hand.

Ninamori let out an exaggerated sigh, but I could still see a slight smile on her face. I felt even more embarrassed because I knew she had to be messing with me. That was just like Ninamori to mess with me. Still, I felt slightly better because I understood the situation again.

"You're so indecisive Sanji," she said smiling fully then. "You're lucky you have me here to help you figure it out."

She grabbed my hand for a few seconds and then let it go. She grabbed my hand again and then let it go a few seconds later. She repeated this process about ten times before she grabbed my hand and did not release it. I was confused again, to say the least.

"What was that all about?"

"I'm helping you decide."

"Oh" was all I could say in response.

"So which one did you like better?"

I thought about it for a few moments and decided that I didn't want to decide. But when I looked back at Ninamori I could see she was waiting for an answer. She gave me this charming yet demanding look that reminded me greatly of Eri. That look irked me a bit, since it looked so strange on Ninamori's face. I looked down at our joined hands and I could feel a blush come to my cheeks. I had my answer.

"I guess I like this better… it's still uncomfortable, but it seems to get better the more you do it."

"Good choice," she said with a smile and she began to rub her thumb over my knuckles in a very tender way. It sent a shiver through my arm. I decided to voice what was on my mind.

"I still don't understand what's going on though. It's like we're the same people, yet somehow things are different between us now."

"Does this really change anything? We do it all the time at school and we've even kissed, in front of large crowds at that."

"Yeah, I suppose so," I said but I didn't believe that for a second. I didn't want to say what I was really thinking though. Partly because I thought it would offend her and partly because I was ashamed that I believed it.

"You don't sound convinced."

"I'm not."

"Then what's changed?" asked Ninamori… only it wasn't Ninamori I was talking to. It was Eri. But her hand, her touch… it felt so much like Ninamori's. It felt so personal. Nothing like Eri at all. It just felt… good. If Eri always touched me like that then maybe we would get along better.

"I don't know… it just feels different." I was avoiding the truth and Eri knew it. I could see it in the look she gave me. It was one of pity almost like that you'd give to a child who fell and scraped his knee.

"I think you do know."

"If I did wouldn't I tell you?" Eri looked at me skeptically and I realized that I didn't have the control anymore. I probably never had it to begin with.

"Sanji, whatever it is I'd like to hear it. Don't be embarrassed." And she moved closer to me and put her head on my shoulder. It was a familiar thing having Eri so close, but it felt alien to me. It felt… warm. Like she was trying to give me all the warmth she could and make me feel comfortable with her. I'm almost positive that was what she was doing.

"It's just that… you're different…" and I stopped talking after I realized why Eri was trying to make me so comfortable. She was trying to make me spill the beans. That manipulative little-

"How am I different," asked Eri, but this time it wasn't Eri. Eri I could have handled. This time it was the new girl… the one that I couldn't refuse. The one that I almost wanted to try to love. It was scary being near her. Having her head rest upon me was like balancing a priceless jewel on my shoulder. I was afraid that I would say or do something that would disturb her place with me. I don't know why, but I didn't want to hurt her. I wanted her to be happy. I felt so much for her that it hurt. Man did it hurt. But I barely even knew her.

"I don't know you just are… sometimes… I guess… but not in a bad way or anything like that."

"When is 'sometimes'?"

"It's just when you… eh… touch me."

"Really?"

"No… it's more than that. It's the way you look at me and the way you talk to me and how you can be so calm when you're emotional… and a hundred other things that I couldn't begin to name." As you can probably tell by my run on sentence, this subject had started to get me a little riled up.

"What happened Ninamori? Why are you like this? Why aren't you just Ninamori anymore? It doesn't make sense."

There was a brief silence in the air after I spoke (half-shouted is more like it). I didn't know what to say anymore and I definitely didn't know what to do with the girl resting her head on my shoulder.

"Things change Sanji. And I like how things are going."

"I liked things the way they were."

"But you have to admit this is good too."

And she was right. The way things were going with Ninamori were probably better than before, but it still didn't make any sense. I just wanted to understand. I wanted my control back. So I had to ask her what was going on.

"What is 'this' anyway? What are we doing with each other?"

The new girl lifted her head off of my shoulder and turned to look me in the eye. It was a strange look she gave me, one that I'll never forget. It was like she was mad, but forgiving and happy, but regretful. Overall though, I think she was confused.

"I don't know why or how, but Sanji you're special to me." She said this statement and a jolt ran through my stomach. I don't think such honesty should ever be spoken.

"And I like you… even though it hurts. So that's what this is… I want to be close to you Sanji."

I'd never seen any of the variations of the girl named Eri Ninamori look as serious as this one did in that moment. Her eyes were bright and shining with a brilliant sort of sadness that was so beautiful I didn't want to see it. But I couldn't look away, it just wasn't possible. Even now I get chills thinking about that moment. It wasn't fair… it wasn't fair at all for her to do this to me.

"Please don't say things like that," I said still locked onto her eyes.

"But it's true," she said her face moving closer to mine as if to prove her intentions.

"But it's not right. We can't do this."

"Why not?" she asked still slowly moving forward… but it was Eri this time. I wondered why I was having the debate with Eri… I didn't even like her.

"Because you're in love with someone else… or have you forgotten."

I saw Ninamori wince and I felt bad for hurting her that way. She was one of my closest friends.

"He wouldn't care… he doesn't care about me."

"But you still love him?" I asked her trying to make her see that she was making a mistake. If she still had feelings for this other guy, it would only hurt her to get involved with me. Surely my friend Ninamori could see that.

"It doesn't matter. He won't ever love me," said Eri almost angrily and I felt little sympathy for the girl.

"But you still love him. I'm not going to be some 'other guy'. I won't tide you over while you wait for him to come around."

"It's not like that!" pleaded Eri, but I knew better than to trust her. She'd been trying to play me for far too long.

"Whatever, I can't date a girl who doesn't even like me."

And then everything I thought I understood came crashing down. I lost the control again… this time for good. It just wasn't coming back.

"I-I… want you Sanji."

Such simple words that can get into your head and cause madness. But it wasn't Eri that had said them. It was the new girl… who I was starting to think wasn't so new after all. In fact after she said those words I knew where I'd met her before. This was the girl who stammered a desperate apology to me when she'd forcefully kissed me on the threshold of her door. Yes the circumstances had changed, but this was the same girl speaking with the same honest emotion.

"Don't… Please," I asked, but I knew it was useless. She had more to say, so she'd say it. She'd kill me with the truth if she had to. Her voice grew rough as if it was about to break and I understood why her eyes were so bright. She was definitely about to cry.

"Y-you make me happy. I love him, but he makes me sad. But you… you always make me happy. And I want to be happy Sanji. Is that wrong? I just want to be happy."

I couldn't say anything, I just looked at her sadly knowing that I couldn't say no. No matter how I tried I couldn't say no to her. She moved even closer to my face and I knew what she was about to do. If it had been Eri, I'd have refused. If it had been Ninamori I would have tried to reason with her. But this girl… I had to accept.

When her lips met mine and her arms went around my neck I finally understood it. The girl who lightened up my day with her companionship, the one who used me for her selfish gains, and the one who could make me feel so deeply it hurt, were not so different from each other. In fact they were the same person. They were all the girl who had won my friendship, betrayed my affections, and captured my heart. As infuriating as it was, I finally had to admit it. They were all Eri Ninamori.

Truthful Comentery:

Yeah I'm a softy... but who cares. That's probably the most romance you'll get out of me for the rest of the story. I just had to get it out of the system. But rest assured my friends there is a point to all of this. I didn't just give you senseless romance.

The next chapter will answer some of the importat questions left unanswered in the last one, so don't get too mad at me. Once again I set out to make this chapter and the next one into one chapter, but found that I couldn't. It's just too long if I do that and I felt I owed you all a chapter after such a long wait.

I actually liked this chapter though and I do not regret it.

Fresh C


	9. A Little Like Damp Chack

**A/N: **I would appologize for this taking so long, but if you're still reading this you're probably used to it by now. A few questions get answered in this chapter. Enjoy.

**A little Like Dump Chack**

_Bump-Bump Chick Bu-bump Bump Chick Bu-bump Bump Chick Bu-bump Bump Chick Bu-bump Bump Chick Bu-bump Bump Chick Bu-bump Bump Chick Bu-bump Bump Chick Bu-bump Bump Chick Bu-bump Bump Chick Bu-bump Bump Chick Bu-bump Bump Chick_

It's… good.

_Bu-bump Bump Chick Bu-bump Bump Chick Bu-bump Bump Chick Bu-bump Bump Chick Bu-bump Bump Chick Bu-bump Bump Chick Bu-bump Bump Chick_

He can feel it.

_Bu-bump Bump Chick Bu-bump Bump Chick Bu-bump Bump Chick Bu-bump Bump Chick_

He must have been practicing… but there's no way he'd be this good.

_Bu-bump Bump Chick Bu-bump Bump Chick Bu-bump Bump Chick Bu-bump Bump Chick Bu-dump Bump Chack Bu-dump bump Chack_

What the heck was that? It shouldn't go _Dump_. And it certainly shouldn't _Chack_.

_Bud-da Bud-da Dum-ba Dum-ba_

Well I suppose that was just a mistake. He's back on track.

_Bu-bump Bump Chick Bu-bump Bump Chick Bu-bump Bump Chick Bu-bump Bump Chick Bu-bump Bump Chick Bu-bump Bump Chick_

Yep, he's got it again.

_Bu-bump Bump Chick Bu-bump Bump Chick Bu-bump Bump Chick Bu-bump Bump Chick Bu-bump Bump Chick Bu-bump Bump Chick Bu-bump Bump Chick Bu-bump Bump Chick Bu-dump Bump Chack Bu-dump Bump Chack Bu-dump Bump Chack Bu-bud-da Bud-da Dum-ba Dum-ba_

Wait there it goes again.

_Chick Bu-bump Bump Chick Bu-bump Bump Chick Bu-bump Bump Chick Bu-dump Bump Chack Bu-dump Bump Chack Bu-damp Bump Chack_

Does he even realize he's doing that?

_Chick Bu-bump Bump Chick Bu-bump Bump Chick Bu-bump Bump Chick Bu-dump Bump Chack Bu-dump Bump Chack Bu-dump Bump Chack Chick Bu-bump Bump Chick Bu-bump Bump Chick Bu-bump Bump Chick Bu-damp Bump Chack Bu-dump Bump Chack Bu-dump Bump Chack_

Probably not.

_Chick Bu-bump Bump Chick Bu-bump Bump Chick Bu-bump Bump Chick Bu-dump Bump Chack Bu-dump Bump Chack _

Well I suppose it's not… bad.

_Chick Bu-bump Bump Chick Bu-bump Bump Chick Bu-bump Bump Chick Bu-damp Bump Chack Bu-dump Bump Chack Bu-dump Bump Chack_

But it's just kind of weird.

_Bud-da Bud-da Dum-ba Dum-ba_

Still, I think I sort of…

_Chick Bu-bump Bump Chick Bu-bump Bump Chick Bu-bump Bump Chick Bu-damp Bump Chack Bu-damp Bump Chack Bu-damp Bump Chack_

I think I might like it.

_Chick Bu-bump Bump Chick Bu-bump Bump Chick Bu-bump Bump Chick Bu-dump Bump Chack Bu-dump Bump Chack Bu-dump Bump Chack_

I mean, he's no Sanji.

_Chick Bu-bump Bump Chick Bu-bump Bump Chick Bu-bump Bump Chick Bu-dump Bump Chack Bu-dump Bump Chack Bu-dump Bump Chack_

But he's unique.

_Chick Bu-bump Bump Chick Bu-bump Bump Chick Bu-bump Bump Chick Bu-dump Bump Chack Bu-dump Bump Chack Bu-dump Bump Chack_

Yeah… I think he can do it.

_Chick Bu-bump Bump Chick Bu-bump Bump Chick Bu-bump Bump Chick Bu-dump Bump Chack Bu-dump Bump Chack Bu-dump Bump Chack_

It'll take a little work, but… It'll be fine.

_Bud-da Bud-da Dum-ba Dum-ba_

"You can stop playing now."

"How was it? I told you I was good. I told you I got better."

"Yeah, you did nicely. I think we can use you."

"Man I told you, you should let me in your band! I told you! I knew you'd come crawling back, I just knew it! You thought you didn't need me, but you were wrong! You'll think twice before you say messed up stuff like that to-"

"I can still find someone else you know."

"Yeah, I'm sorry. I didn't mean it. It's just… I'm in right? I'm really in?"

"Yeah, you're in."

"You won't regret this, man. You'll see. I'll do my best. I'll be the best drummer there ever was. Trust me, you are not making a mistake!"

"I hope so."

"Don't worry about a thing Naota. I'll take care of it all. You just wait and see. You chose the right man for the job!"

"We'll see about that. But in the meantime, welcome to the band Gaku."

* * *

After our first practice with the new drummer Sanji, Ninamori, and I grabbed a bite to eat at the Rockin' Stones Bar and Grill. 

"So what do you guys think about Gaku?" I asked my two loyal band members. It didn't really matter what their opinions where. The guy was already in the band.

"I don't know," said Sanji quietly. "He seems… unstable."

"No, I mean about his playing."

"That's what I was talking about. Sure he's got talent, but he can't even keep a steady rhythm without messing up."

"Is he really messing up though?" asked Ninamori as if she already knew the answer. She did, of course.

"You heard it as well as I did. He _Dumps_ when he should _Bump _and he _Chacks_ when he should Chick. It's just not natural. I've been playing long enough to know that much."

"I don't know Sanji," chided Ninamori as she slipped her arm behind the back of Sanji's chair. The action in itself did not bug me. It was the fact that the action was intended to bug me that bugged me. Still I sat in silence as I let her finish. Her musical opinion did mean a lot to me, even if it didn't really matter. "I think the _Chack_ kind of worked for him."

"Sure it's got its appeals, but there's something about _Chacking_ that just seems wrong to me. I grew up listening to _Chicks_. My father grew up listening to _Chicks_. I play _Chicks_. It's all the drumming world has ever known. So when I hear a _Chack_ I feel like shivering inside."

"Things change," I said unintentionally, yet effectively ending the conversation.

"Yeah, I guess," came his short, downtrodden reply. Ninamori responded to this by lightly rubbing his shoulder in comfort, but her eyes turned towards me. This was a small action in the grand scheme of things, but it was one with big effects.

Have you ever thought that you knew something, but you weren't sure? Like say, a math problem for example. The teacher puts it up on the board and offers extra credit to the kid who solves it. You're pretty sure that you can solve it. You have a nice looking answer on your paper and you know you need the extra credit, but you don't go to the board. You don't go because you're not one hundred percent positive of your answer. And to get up there in front of all your classmates and make an idiot out of yourself is not on your to do list. So you sit back and let the same smart kid (who now looks like a genius) get up there and answer the question because you don't want to mess up. But when he's finished you realize that the answer you had, the same one that's been staring at you from your paper, is the exact same answer that that genius of a child put on the board. Yeah… it was kind of like that.

I realized in that moment that all my suspicions about Sanji and Ninamori had been right. One hundred percent right. Ninamori wasn't just trying to make me jealous (although that was part of the goal). She had replaced me with him. The worst part was that Sanji… my best friend… he had gone along with it. He didn't even seem to be ashamed of it. I found myself staring not at Ninamori, but at him. The look I gave him had to be one of disbelief. But when I looked at him I didn't see shame or guilt in his eyes. All I saw was confusion.

"Hey guys, I'm going to go use the restroom," he said as he gently removed Ninamori's arm from around him. He hastily rose out of his seat and headed towards his apartment, instead of the public bathrooms. I was left to stare silently at Ninamori. At least she had the decency to look away in shame. It seemed as if the meaning of her actions had finally sunk in.

"You think he's coming back?" I asked quietly.

"Not unless we go get him," she said with an amused yet slightly saddened smile. "He's not the type for confrontation."

"You really like him huh?"

"Yeah, I do." I knew she wasn't lying, but I was amazed to see that she didn't meet my eyes. It was so… not Ninamori. I looked at her in that moment and for some reason I felt sorry for her. I don't know what it is about being alone with that girl, but her presence always seems to complicate things.

"If you'd like, I'll walk you home. We can talk." I thought of this as a kind offer given the situation. I was trying to be accepting and understanding. I was trying to make things work.

"That's ok," she said in a way that made it feel as if I was being turned down. I guess that's what truly was happening. "It would be kind of awkward. I'll just go get Sanji to drive me."

"But I always used to walk you home. It wasn't awkward then."

She smiled at me warmly and said what is possibly the coldest phrase I had ever heard come out of her mouth. Well at least the coldest one directed at me.

"Like you said Naota, things change." Without any further words she got up to chase after Sanji… her boyfriend.

I realize now that I hadn't matured as much as I thought I had. I was still that same boy. The one who never wanted to accept something new. The one who would cling to what he had even if it wasn't what he wanted. Even if it was already gone. In all truthfulness I had never wanted Ninamori more than at that very moment. When I knew I couldn't have her.

I left John Gregory's restaurant feeling like a pile of crap. I took some small comfort in the fact that I probably wasn't the only one. I'm sure that exchange didn't make the two lovebirds feel any better about themselves, at least I hoped not. But the difference between them and me was great. They had each other. I had my work… and my dreams.

I visited the Medical Mechanica plant that evening and began to work on the old "sound system". I was making greater progress than I had ever expected. It wouldn't be long before the whole system would be operational. Then all my planning and hard work would finally pay off.

At about 1 AM I was satisfied with my work for the day and decided it was time to head out home. The walk to my house was largely uneventful. Still, there was a lot on my mind. I silently wondered why it didn't hurt so much to be betrayed by my only true friends in the world. Yes, it did affect me, but not nearly as much as it would have in the past. I thought deeply about the type of person I had let myself become. No that's giving myself too much credit. I was who I was because I had made myself that way. It was no accident. But I wondered if who I was was really who I wanted to be. And though it is hard to admit it, there was another thing on my mind. I wondered if Haruko would like the person I had become. I wondered if she'd ever really like me.

* * *

It was good to see some kids these days that actually had some ambition. I'm not just talking 'mister I'll work real hard if you hire me' ambition. I'm talking 'give me four years and I'll own this place'. It was amazing how much they wanted to accomplish in such a short period of time. Katherine had given them a month to pull the money together for the recording session and none of them had a dollar to their names. It had all gone to some noble cause or another, but that was none of my business. My business was my bar. My business was the money. My business was the music. If some kids want to blow their money on some 'save the puppy dogs' foundation that was a-okay with me, so long as they're still ready to make that sweet music. 

And they were ready all right. The new drummer was broken in and the crowd ate him up like sushi. The kid had such a unique sound for a drummer, it was like nothing I'd ever heard. I'm not saying he's star material (although he'll have to be soon), but he's just got _that sound_. To compare him to any other drummer would be like comparing drag racing to skydiving. Sure they both have parachutes, but they're definitely not the same thing. Everyone else in the band is simply amazing. Moving my boy Sanji to base guitar was a stroke of genius. The kid takes to it like a fish to water. He was a wiz at the drums, but anyone can see his hands were made for tickling them strings. That Nandaba kid has improved too. It's looking as if the band won't have to be so vocal-heavy anymore. Not that the girl wasn't pulling enough weight on her own. She'd probably do just as well in a solo career. Even though that kid says he's the leader, she's the one with the talent. Musicians come a dime a dozen, but a voice like that… you don't find that everywhere.

Yeah, those kids were really something back then. When they came to me with their big idea, I knew they'd go far. But I needed to know if they knew it. That's why I threw every obstacle I could at them.

"So you kids want to throw a concert?" I asked skeptically.

"Not just any concert Mr. Gregory," piped in the drummer boy that could. "It's going to be the biggest concert this town has ever seen. People are going to be coming from all around to see this one. You won't be able to stop'em! It'll be the greatest shindig there ever was. Nothing like the lame small time crap you put on in this dump." The kid had talent, but he didn't know when to shut up.

"I remember not too long ago you were puking in the bathroom of 'this dump', scared silly because you'd be playing some 'small time crap' in front of a half-full house." The boy opened and closed his mouth several times. I had done the impossible. I had silenced him.

"What I meant to say," he said in a much more subdued voice, "was that we're hoping out concert will have a nice turnout."

"That's all anyone can ask for, son," I said giving him a small smile. He wasn't a bad kid. Just got a little too excited at times.

"Gaku's right," said the one who called himself leader, "If we do this right, we'll have all the money we need and in just one night too."

He had my interest with that statement.

"Now, how do you all plan to do that? It would take quite some crowd to pull in that kind of dough. I know you've become popular in this town, but you're not the Beatles."

"On that night we will be."

"Eh…come again."

"We've been practicing John," said Sanji. "We're not just going to perform our own songs, we're going to perform some of the best rock songs throughout history."

Never content to keep his mouth to himself, the drummer kid added, "It's going to be old school!"

"What do you kids know about old school?"

"More than enough," he said much too quickly. "We're talking Led Zeppelin, Beatles, Nirvana, Rolling Stones, The Who, AC/DC, U2, Van Halen! The works baby!"

The kid counted off the names on his fingers as if they were the most important thing he'd ever counted off in his life. I later learned that he'd never even heard of half those bands before about a week ago, but at the time I was quite impressed.

"That's a lot of bands, and it's a lot of different sounds. Are you sure you guys can pull it off."

"We're very sure, Mr. Gregory," said the girl in a confident voice. I'd heard her talk to audiences many times, but every time she spoke offstage I always found myself a little surprised. She may be cutesy and charming when she's performing, but she's all business when she needs to be. I liked that.

"Sanji's even taught me a few of the songs in English."

"Is that so?" I said taking a good look at my godson. I never would have thought Sanji would be spending time with a girl like her. He's a good kid, but he's a bit of a weenie. I figured a girl like that would go for someone a little more… dangerous. It's a common fact that beautiful girls only go for the men that'll hurt them. At least that's how it is in the music biz.

"Yes sir," said Sanji. I couldn't help but smile with pride. Not only could the kid play, but he had game.

"We're trying to catch every angle here," said Nandaba. "Anyone who's even remotely interested in any kind of rock will find something that they are interested in."

"Everyone in the town'll be there!" You can guess who said that.

"Well, it sure sounds as if you kids have this thing planned out well."

"Thank you, sir," said Naota who seemed to be the mastermind behind it all.

"I only have one question. Where are you going to have this concert? The Rockin' Stones is always glad to host you, but I don't think it's large enough for an event this big."

"That's the best part!" yelled Drum Man, the defender of loudness, protector of meaningless pride, keeping us all safe from the danger of silence on a regular basis. He pointed towards the ceiling and said, "We're playing on the roof top!"

And there was the first problem with their plan.

"Sorry guys," I said sadly, "But I don't think my insurance covers that."

"We don't mean your roof top Mr. Gregory," said leader boy. "We're going to perform on top of the old plant."

"The Medical Mechanica plant? The city would never allow it."

"But they did," said the girl ever so politely. "I mentioned the idea to my father and he was all but too happy with it."

"The government's been looking for a use for the plant ever since it broke down," said Sanji. "I heard a lot of money went into it, and they don't want to waste it."

I considered this for a moment and decided it made sense. Election time would be coming up soon and it sure wouldn't hurt if the people could see a little more money rolling in. The plant could easily become a staging place for tons of events. It would add a little attraction to the town and maybe even encourage a little tourism. All in all it wasn't a bad deal for those government big wigs. Not a bad deal at all.

"So everything's set then. You kids are really going to pull this off?"

"Well we've got a little work to do," said Sanji. "We've got to advertise and tie up a few other loose ends, but that's about it."

"Well I wish you kids luck," I said and turned to leave knowing I'd be called back. They may have been good kids, but I knew they hadn't told me all of that information for nothing.

"Wait John," said Sanji in a slightly panicked tone. "You see… that's why we needed to talk to you. There are some things we need your help with."

"Oh," I said in what I thought was a casually surprised tone. I wondered if any of them could tell I was acting. I suppose it didn't mater. "Like what things?"

"We need somebody to run things, Mr. Gregory," said leader boy. "Someone who can take care of ticket sales, admission, security… things like that."

"Uh-huh"

"Well, we know you have experience with this kind of thing…" said Sanji. He had no idea. "So…"

"You were wondering if I'd run the concert for you?"

"Yes," said the girl and the drummer at the same time. They both looked at each other as if they had cursed. It was kind of an odd moment.

"Hmm…" I rubbed my chin as if I was in deep thought. "I guess… I'll do it."

"Thank you Mr. Gregory," said the drummer excitedly. "You won't regret it."

"Yeah you're welcome. I'm only doing this because I like you kids."

"We really appreciate it, John."

"It's my pleasure," I said and I meant it. "And because I like you kids I'll only take… oh… 10 percent of the profit."

"What!" yelled the drummer boy in outrage. Sanji and the girl didn't seem too happy about it either.

But Nandaba… I understood then why he was the leader. He was smart. He understood how the world worked. He smiled at me, shook my hand and said, "It's a deal."

I knew then that he could make it far in the music biz.

* * *

I don't really want to tell you what happened that night because it's too personal. It was really the closest I've ever felt to any human being. But hey, I've told you every other embarrassing thing about my life so what the heck? I might as well tell you this part to. 

I don't remember why Naota invited me back down by the bridge in the middle of the night again. I suppose the reason isn't important. All you really need to know is that I got a phone call telling me to come.

"But it's 12 o'clock at night," I remember saying groggily into the receiver. I had just awaken from a nice slumber too. Naota's only response was, "you owe me one." After he said that, the line went dead. I then groaned, got out of bed, dressed, and drove to meet him.

It was warm that night, which I thought was a good thing. I didn't need a jacket and that was just fine with me. I found Naota sitting in the grass with his knees drawn up to his chest and his arm encircling them. He was staring at the stars. It was a weird sight to see one person sitting like that by himself, so I walked on over and took my spot next to him. I sat Indian style.

"Hey," I said quietly. I felt as if speaking loudly would break the moment… either that or wake somebody up.

"Hey," he said back. Then there was silence. I looked up at the stars myself. They were extremely bright that night.

"They're really bright tonight, huh?" asked Naota echoing my own thoughts.

"Yeah, I suppose they are."

"It's amazing really… to see how bright they are. You can see a lot more of them too."

"Uh-huh."

"Less than a year ago they would have never been that bright. Especially in the city. I used to think that all the light pollution was stopping us from seeing them."

"I used to think the same thing," I said. If I weren't so tired I would have commented on how light pollution was a proven fact and not just a suspicion.

"But she was right. Now that it's gone, you can see them so much clearer. Even here, in Mabase."

"Now that what's gone?"

"The moon," said Naota as he gestured toward the sky. I felt like an idiot.

"Oh yeah… I keep forgetting that's gone."

"It's not just you… it's everybody. No one cares."

"Hmm…" I said reflectively.

"I guess I can't blame them. The tidal waves still come in, no major catastrophe occurred when it disappeared, it's just as light out as ever. Nothing's changed. That's why it doesn't matter to anyone."

I thought about this for a second before I spoke.

"But it matters to you, doesn't it?"

"It used to… it used to a lot. I even cried over it once. I know it's stupid, but I did. It's just… I liked it, you know? I always sort of… looked up to the moon."

"We all did," I said solemnly. Then I looked over at him and smiled.

"Shut up, Sanji," he said with a light laugh.

"Well I understand what you mean, Naota. The moon was… cool in a way. Although I guess I was always afraid that werewolves would get me when it was full."

"That's funny," he said, "I always used to think that I'd turn into a werewolf when it was full. Although for some reason the idea didn't bother me all that much. I kind of thought it would be liberating."

"Yeah, I'm sure it's real liberating to kill your friends." At this Naota gave me a smirk.

"You never know until you try."

I shrugged.

"At least I know where I stand."

There was silence again for a while. During that time I could stop smiling. It was nice being there with him. For once, I wasn't nervous or scared of what could happen. I wasn't desperately wondering what to say. It was just nice. Because I was with my friend.

"You know what, Sanji?" Naota asked breaking the silence, but not my serenity.

"What?"

"I don't know if I even want it back anymore."

"The moon?" I asked. I was slightly disappointed that we were still on that topic, but I wouldn't dare interrupt him.

"Yeah, the moon. I've been pining over it for so long now, but I'm not even sure what I'd do with it."

"Well… it's a moon. There's not much to do with it. You just watch it."

Naota seemed a bit irritated at what I had just said. "You know what I mean…" he said. But then he looked over at me and said, "You don't know, do you?"

I shook my head. I had no idea what he was getting at. He just looked back up at the sky as if in deep thought. After a while he spoke again.

"What if I told you that I could do something with the moon… besides look at it?"

"I'd tell you that you were crazy," I said without missing a beat.

"Humor me."

"Ok, you have my attention."

"What if I told you that I could touch the moon, that I could talk to the moon… that I could love the moon? What would you say then?"

"Well… the same answer as before, but go on with whatever it is you're trying to say."

"Well let's say I could do all of those things, but then suddenly the moon was taken away." The look of sadness on his face then is one that I still find hard to forget. I found myself staring up at the sky to avoid it.

"I want the moon back desperately and even find a way to get it. But while I'm trying to get the moon back I realize something. I realize how wonderful the stars are. They're so bright and beautiful that it's amazing to me I never noticed them before. But I realize that the only reason they're so bright, is because of the absence of the moon. Part of me still wants the moon… part of me wants it badly. But the other part of me realizes that as soon as the moon come back, I'll loose all of the beauty that came from the stars. And even though the stars are brilliant, none of them are as brilliant as the moon. Together maybe they equal it in worth, but alone even the brightest star doesn't quite compare. What would you do… if that was the case?"

I didn't want to answer that question. It seemed wrong. Like I was giving advice on some life altering decision. Truthfully I felt that it wasn't up to me to decide, even if it was a hypothetical question. So I tried to turn the conversation.

"You've thought about this before, huh?"

"Yeah I have… could you answer the question?"

I tried to put myself in his (hypothetical) position and surprisingly it was easy for me to do so. I knew my answer almost instantly.

"Well, I'd tell you to shoot for the moon," I said. It's a phrase my father always used to use. "You said yourself that even if you had all of the stars it wouldn't be as bright as the moon. If you didn't get the moon back you'd always wonder what would have been."

"But what if… what if one of the stars might be getting brighter? What if it might one day be the new moon?" His questions were starting to annoy me a bit by this point so I gave a quick rushed answer. Even now I look back on this moment in life and want to do myself bodily harm. You probably won't understand why and I can't explain it to you yet. It'd ruin the story.

"I'd still try and get the moon back. You know the old moon is the moon, so why take a chance on a star that might not ever be anything more than a star?"

Naota seemed to think this over for a while and he was satisfied with the answer. Not happy with it, but satisfied.

"Sanji," he said looking over at me. "You're a good guy."

"Nahh, I'm just me," I said. I was not being modest. It's what I believed. It's what I still believe today. I've never been a good guy. Good guys are people who always do nice things for others and try to be friendly to everyone. I do the best I can, but I'm not quite there.

"No really you are," he said with a slight smile.

"You're making me blush," I said doing my best imitation of a female. Naota laughed.

"Sure you've got some imperfections, but there's nothing you've done that I can't get over."

"It helps that I've never done anything," I said smiling. But Naota's face kind of darkened.

"You did lie to me that one time," he said conversationally. Only it wasn't conversational. It was only meant to seem like it was.

"Really? What are you talking about?" I never questioned that I had lied to him because I knew Naota wouldn't lie about such a thing. I did, however, wonder what the heck he was referencing to.

"You told me Ninamori kissed you on the cheek when she actually kissed you on the lips."

"Oh… that," was all I could say. "I was too embarrassed to tell you."

"It's ok, Sanji. It's my fault really. I should have known you weren't telling the truth. You're a horrible lyer."

"Good enough to fool you," I said trying to regain the lighthearted mood that I had grown so fond of. This statement earned a small bout of laughter from Naota and that made me happy. I laughed along with him. Everything's funnier after midnight.

"Yeah, you got me there," he said and then he was quiet for a moment. But only for a moment. "You know that's why I called you out here. To let you know it's ok."

"Huh?"

"I mean, I know things were kind of awkward for a while, but you're my best friend and I won't hold it against you."

"The lie?" I asked in confusion. It's good to be forgiven, but it's even better to know what you've been forgiven for.

"No, not the lie," he said with a smile. "I'm holding that against you, until you die. I mean, I forgive you for taking Ninamori. I think she'll be happier with you anyways."

I couldn't return his smile just then because of the guilt. I hadn't realized that I had taken Ninamori from Naota. I always assumed the guy she loved was some faceless dude that I didn't even know. It was quite a shock to find out that that was not the case.

"I'm sorry Naota," I said not quite meeting his eyes. "If I had known you liked her, I wouldn't have even thought about it. I would have backed down."

"Wow," said Naota with a grimace on his face. "The truth kind of hurts. I guess I deserve that though. I didn't take as much interest in her as I should have."

"What are you talking about?" I was utterly confused then.

"I'm just saying, that I understand your reasoning. I wasn't treating her right. I never treated her as more than a friend, really. I understand why you stole her from me. We should have never gotten together in the first place."

If I was shocked before, it was nothing compared to what I felt then.

"Wait a second. You two were dating?"

"Don't tell me you didn't know," said Naota accusingly.

"I didn't' know. If I had known… God, I'm sorry Naota. I feel like an idiot."

"You really didn't know," said Naota in disbelief. But there was something else mingled in his tone that I did not like. I think it was amusement.

"If I had, I never would have let her get that close to me. You got to believe me."

"You're serious!" said Naota with a full grin. A second later he burst out laughing. I should have been relieved, but for some reason this only made me angry.

"It's not funny. I didn't want to be like this…"

"And all this time I thought you'd stabbed me in the back," he laughed as he put his head in his hands. "And you didn't even know. Talk about irony."

"Seriously Naota, it's not funny. I didn't mean to do it at all… I'll break up with her if you want me to."

When I said that Naota gradually stopped laughing.

"No that's ok Sanji. I meant what I said. She's better with you. I couldn't take care of her like you can. I wouldn't even be able to in a little while."

"No," I said quietly. I felt horrible. This was all wrong. Even if I didn't mean to do it. "This isn't fair to you Naota. You shouldn't have to watch us together. It should have never happenend."

"It's ok, Sanji," he said reassuringly, but I was not reassured.

"No it's not," I said quietly.

Naota just looked at me and said, "You really are a good guy Sanji. No you're a great guy. You deserve her. Heck, you deserve better. Maybe it's just the lack of sleep talking, but I don't care if I lose her, as long as it's to you. Really… you're better than me. Maybe the best person I ever knew."

I was… touched by his words. Even if I knew they weren't true. Naota may not have known it, but he was definitely lying. That's why the next time I saw Ninamori, I told her we were through. She made the situation relatively easy. The only negative thing she said was that I would regret it. To this I said that I already knew that. The reason I went through with it anyways was as follows. I knew that if I stayed with her because Naota was okay with it I would only be fooling myself. That is because what really bothered me about the whole unfortunate situation was not that I had hurt Naota. What really bothered me was that as long as I dated her, he would be the better friend.


	10. Interlude

**A/N: **I told you I'm not quitting on this story. I'm seeing it through to the end.

**Interlude**

"Can't you put it any higher?" asked Ninamori. She was really starting to tick me off. Usually she was ok to hang around, but that day I would have rather been with anyone but her. I don't know if it was caused by the strain of watching me put up posters all around the city, or the burden of constantly finding excuses not to help out, but she seemed anal about everything.

"Why does it have to be higher anyways?" I asked. "It looks good enough from here."

"We've been over this, Gaku," she sighed. "Naota wants the signs placed where everyone can see them. We have to put them high and low everywhere that people go. So if you want the concert to sell out, you'll stop questioning me and just put it where I tell you."

I never was one for blindly following orders. There's something about being told what to do that always made me not want to do it. I don't mind following others when it makes sense, but I at least like to understand why I'm being told to do something. That's just the way I am.

So I asked her, "Why do we even need another poster there? We've already got 100 posters in this same alley. You'd have to be blind not to see one of them."

"It's better to over-advertise than under-advertise. We've got to use all these flyers."

"All of them!" I groaned. You'd have said the same thing if you'd seen the large stack of flyers that I had been carrying through half the city. It felt like it'd take a million years to post them all up.

"Yes all of them. It's not that many. We're almost half-done now, so suck it up and get back to work."

That was truly the last straw for me.

"That's easy for you to say. You don't have to carry all of these flyers all over town and I didn't see you place a single piece of tape or staple a single piece of paper. You didn't even lift a finger!"

Ninamori sighed again, which only served to intensify my anger. "In case you've forgotten, I was the one who scouted out the whole city and found the perfect place to set each and every one of those flyers. It took me a week. We should be finished with this before sundown."

"Well that doesn't mean you can't help now!" I nearly yelled. I was having a hard time keeping my outrage in check. It really wasn't fair what she was doing. But in my past experiences I always thought Ninamori to be fair. Still she wasn't doing anything to help me understand.

"We don't have time to argue," she said after letting out a long breath. "Why don't you just move that poster higher so we can get out of here."

"No. Why don't you explain to me why I have to do all the manual labor around here? You guys make me set up before concerts, clean up after practices, and now this. Just because I'm new to the band, you guys treat me like crap and I'm sick and tired of it."

"Look Gaku, please just move the sign. We're wasting daylight."

I wasn't having any of that.

"I'm not moving anything else for the rest of the day." I piled the stack of flyers into her arms. "If you want something done, get Naota or your lazy boyfriend to do it."

I crossed my arms in defiance and waited for her reaction. Her hard face melted and it seemed as if I had won. Finally I had won. But then she changed and her expression darkened. I'm still not sure, but for a moment, I thought she was going to cry.

"I don't have a boyfriend anymore," was all she said as she turned around and walked out of the alley.

Of course, I hadn't really meant for her to feel bad. I just wanted a little respect. It wasn't my fault at all. I wanted to rush off and apologize to her badly. I hated myself so much in that moment. I'm always saying things I don't mean to. But before I went to beg for forgiveness, I turned towards the wall and moved the poster higher.

Why'd I do that, you ask?

Because I understood.

-----------

"Can Naota come out to play?" I said, knocking heavily on his already opened bedroom door.

I knew it was a bad joke, but I couldn't resist. With anyone else I might have thought twice before saying such a thing, but not with Naota. With him I wasn't afraid. That's what I loved about the guy.

"Sorry, kid," he said doing an imitation of a 'parental type figure'. "He can't come out until he's finished all his work."

"Shucks," I said putting my hands in my pockets and lightly kicking at the ground. Naota just smirked at that.

"It's too bad because I was hoping me and him could go out and grab a bite to eat."

"I'd take you up on that offer, Sanji, but I've got way too much to do."

I frowned slightly.

"Are you really that busy?"

"You don't even know the half of it," he said with a sigh. "I've been organizing stuff for the concert all week."

I looked over his shoulder and viewed the mess that was his desk. There were papers scattered everywhere and none of them seemed to be in any order. There were a few copies of some checks with substantial sums and at least one paper that was signed by Mayor Ninamori himself. But the one that struck out from all the rest was a half-sheet of notebook paper with small words written on it in messy handwriting.

"Shooting at the moon while I'm falling from the sky?" I asked.

I was surprised at how fast he was able to cover up the paper. It was as if his hands were moving before his brain even had a chance to send the message. The shock on my face was evident.

"Just a little something I've been writing," he said nervously.

"Is it a song?" I asked.

"Yeah."

"Pretty strange lyrics."

"It's a strange song."

I figured that made sense. But it was still weird that Naota was writing a song. He usually left all the writing up to Ninamori, Masashi, and I. He was more of the… not writing type, if that makes any sense. As I thought about it then, I sort of wondered why exactly Naota was the leader of our band. I don't mean to be mean, but besides playing guitar (which he was only marginally good at) there wasn't much he truly contributed to our band. I was glad to see that he was finally taking some initiative, but it seemed a little…

"Late."

"Huh?"

"Well isn't a little late for us to be learning a new song?"

"There's nothing for you to learn…"

I gave him a look that said I'd sooner believe that he was Jimmy Hendricks.

"Well there is a little bit for Ninamori to learn… and a drum solo for Gaku… but you're set."

"So you didn't write a part for me, or what?"

"I didn't write anything besides the words. I did fix up the lead guitar part though. It was a little bland for my tastes."

"Wait… so you stole a song from somewhere?" I asked in disbelief. "Did Ms. Katherine's company give it to us or something? How do they expect us to learn it?"

"It shouldn't be too hard to figure out," said Naota with that irritating smug smile of his. "It's your song."

"What?"

"Remember the one song you wrote? The lyrics kind of sucked, but it had great base and drum solos. Remember?"

"I wrote that?"

"You know… in chapter 6."

"What?"

"The song we were playing when Masashi passed out."

"Oh, that song," I said. I had forgotten all about it in all honesty. But I always thought the lyrics were good… oh well.

"Yeah, that song. It shouldn't be too tough. I just have to finish the lyrics."

"That's cool, I guess we can play it if we want to." But then I just realized something.

"But Gaku doesn't know the solo… I don't even know how to play the base solo!"

"You should be able to learn it right? I mean you wrote it didn't you?"

"Yeah… but I wrote it with Masashi in mind. He's way better at this than me."

"You aren't giving yourself enough credit Sanji," he said with that awful superior tone of his.

"Whatever," I said to stop myself from yelling at him or something. "But how is Gaku going to learn the part."

"Can't you teach him?"

"Of course I can't teach him," I said as if it was the most obvious answer in the world. In my mind it was. "We have less than a week before the concert!"

"That's not too bad. You taught me how to play the guitar in about a month. All you have to do is teach him a little solo."

"Gaku is not you and this is not a little solo. This is the best drum solo I've ever written. It took me a month to come up with some of those rhythms and you want me to teach them to him in a few days?"

It was Naota's turn to frown at me.

"Could you?"

When I heard the pleading in his voice the fight went out of me. This song meant something to him… at least the lyrics did. This would be our first big concert and he wanted to play it.

"I'll try," I said shaking my head. I owed him that much at least.

I just wish I didn't have to eat alone.

-----------

"It's much too fast!" I yelled for what must have been the 10th time. I didn't understand it. It was the most important part of the solo, the part where the bass takes on a slow and low melody, and Gaku just wasn't getting it.

"But you said it's supposed to be fast!"

I couldn't remember the last time I wanted to hit someone so much.

"I said the part before this one's supposed to be fast. I said the part after this one's supposed to be fast. But this part, this part is supposed to be slow!"

Gaku's thick skull was impervious to my yelling. I started thinking that I'd have to crack it in order to get a message through.

"Why is that part slow anyways? It's weird to have two fast parts between a slow one." I took a long deep breath before answering. I would not hit him. Hadn't my parents raised me better than that?

"It has a slow part there because _I_ wrote a slow part there."

"Why'd _you_ write a slow part there?"

Don't hit him, please don't hit him.

"_I_ wrote a slow part there because _I wanted_ a slow part there and _I_ think it sounds good there."

"Well, since _you _wrote this crap, can't _you_ put the slow part somewhere where _I _can play the slow spot instead of in the _worst _possible place _you _could think to put it?"

_What are you doing? Put your hand down Sanji. Un-ball your fist. It won't help anything if he's unconscious. Calm down… breathe… there you go… breathe… now talk…_

"I'm not changing the solo Gaku. You'll just have to learn it. Now lets start… from the top."

Gaku grumbled, but for once he kept his mouth shut. He twirled the sticks in his hands with a skill that I'd never mastered. I could beat the drum with everything I had, but I'd never really had the type of flair that Gaku did. He began to play the first part and I played along on Naota's blue bass guitar.

I had to admit, he was ok. He kept up with my speed and rhythm so well that for a while I forgot that I was teaching him the part. It felt like we both already knew it. It was a sweet blend of melody and back-beat that just gave me this feeling… if you've ever been fortunate enough to learn how to play your favorite song on a an instrument, then you know what it's like. I was lost to the movements of my hands and rhythm of the beat. My fingers had a mind of their own and they tore away at the strings with a frenzied pace. And then I knew it was coming. My favorite part. The part where it all comes together to express the whole meaning of the song in one light melody of melancholy baring it's soul for all to hear. This is where the crowd goes silent with reflection and world stands still. This is the part where the only dancing to be seen is a slow swaying back and forth as the soft sounds of my guitar takes our minds away to a better place. This part is the pinnacle of all music. This part is the stirring of the soul.

This part is where Gaku screws up royally.

"Come on!" I yelled in frustration. I just knew he'd have it that time, but even after our chat he still came in a whole beat early, throwing the entire rhythm off.

"Hey it's not my fault, I'm trying as hard as I can! I just can't get your retarded rhythm to work!"

"The rhythm's not the problem. I can play it just fine. The problem is you!"

He twirled the drumsticks angrily in his hands as he stood up from his chair. I didn't think you could twirl anything angrily.

"I'm sick and tired of everyone in this band acting like I'm some sort of pest or something!"

He still had the sticks in his hand and he was twirling them like some sort of weapon in front of my face. I knew that if he didn't back down soon something bad was going to happen…

"Then I suggest you stop acting like a pest and take something seriously for once in your God forsaken life!"

My hands balled up again, but this time I couldn't will myself to open them.

"What do you even know about me? You move here for less than a year, play the 'nice guy' act on everyone, and now you think you know me? That crap might work on Naota but it don't work on me."

_Move those sticks… if you don't move those annoying twirling sticks…_

"Do you hear yourself when you talk? I don't have to play a nice guy act, ok. That's just who I am."

"Some nice guy," he said quietly and I thought we were done, but those darned sticks never stopped twirling. "I saw what you did to Ninamori."

And that was it. I wasn't angry anymore. I was ashamed. Ashamed and for some reason scared.

"I didn't do anything to her."

Gaku sensed weakness and he jumped on it like lion pouncing on its prey.

"Bull Crap you didn't do anything to her. You didn't see her face when I mentioned your name."

"What do you know about it?" I couldn't look at his eyes even though he was right in my face. I could feel the heat of his breath, wafted over to me by the incessant twirling of his drumsticks in front of me.

"I know that in all the years I've known Ninamori, I've never once seen her cry. Not until she met you."

That hurt. A lot. I lost my cool a little. I stopped making good conversational points and started saying lots of nothing.

"Shut up! It's her own fault if she got hurt. I didn't want to go out with her anyways. She… she tricked me into it! And why am I even talking to you. You can act like you know everything about her, but don't pretend like you know me!"

I'd never shouted at anyone like that before. I'd never shouted with all my might like that. I'd never been so defensive in my entire life. I didn't even understand what I was saying until a moment after I said it. I was cruising on auto-pilot, but there were definitely some bugs in the system.

But Gaku was so calm… it was so unlike him. And those drumsticks… they just kept turning at that same steady pace. It was maddening. And his words hit home so hard that they shook the foundation.

"You're right. I may not know you that well. But I know my friends."

I stood there and stared. He stared back. I regained my bearings.

"Some friends you know, huh? You're such good friends with Naota that he picked me to play the drums over you? And I wonder why Ninamori didn't want to date you? I've seen the way you act around the girls at our concerts, so it can't be from lack of trying. Hmm, maybe it's because you're a four-eyed, perverted, geek, who couldn't get a girl to hook up with him if his life depended on –STOP TWIRLING THOSE DRUMSTICKS!"

Gaku smirked at me continued to twirl them rhythmically in my face. He increased the rhythm for effect and the slowed it down then increased it again.

I nearly swung at him. It was such a close thing. I was normally a patient person, but I was truly at my limits with Gaku. But then I realized something. He was rhythmically twirling his drumsticks in my face. _Rhythmically_.

"Hey Gaku…"

"What Gajin?"

_Breathe… calm down… breathe… it'll be ok… you have to fix this… look him in the eye… good… now talk…_

"I'm sorry I just said those things to you."

"Why are you apologizing?"

"We have to work together… and I think I just found out how to fix your problem."

"What problem?"

I had caught him off guard enough for my instructions to work. If I played this right I'd never have to have another practice section with him again.

"I think I can teach you the solo."

"Why are we talking about that?"

"Look, just work with me for a second."

"Why should I?"

"Because you'll never have to do this again."

Gaku looked at me skeptically.

"Whatever, just hurry up so we can get this over with."

Finally things were getting back on track. Gaku took a seat at the drums.

"Count for me?"

"Huh?"

"Just count. 1 number per second."

And to my surprise he did it. He started counting. I looked at my watch and was not in the least surprised to see that by when he reached 30 seconds my watch was only 23 seconds. The kid had no mental rhythm. No wonder he couldn't play my solo. But that was about to change.

"Now twirl your drumsticks," I said.

"What is that going to do?"

"Just do it," I sighed. He wasn't going to make this too easy.

I looked at my watch and was amazed. Every the sticks twirled around his fingers a single second passed. It was like he had a clock built into his wrist that kept the motion going.

"Gaku… I think we can work with this." I didn't smile when I said that. He wouldn't have smiled back either. We weren't friends… but I did have a solution to his problem.

I told him to twirl his drumsticks six times before he played the intro to the slow part and to twirl them once between each beat once the slow part started. We played the solo over again and this time he had it perfect… well as close to perfect as I ever would have hoped. We packed up quickly and in silence. But I had something to say before he started walking home and I went to my car.

"Hey Gaku…"

"What man?" he said almost wearily. I didn't think it was possible to wear someone like Gaku out.

"I didn't mean to hurt her."

The statement hung in the air like a snowflake caught in an updraft.

"I know," he said quietly. "But you did."

Gaku walked away and he didn't look back. I didn't see him again until the concert. That's what we both wanted.

It didn't matter though.

Because he was right.

----------

I was never one to mix business with my personal life, but I learned that with Ninamori this is inevitable. We were in my room with the door closed, going over the song that I had written. It was finally done and I couldn't be happier. The lyrics weren't amazing, but the music was pretty darn good and I mostly had Sanji to thank for that.. I know it doesn't make any sense, but for some reason I felt that my song was perfect.

"I don't like it," said Ninamori. She didn't agree with me.

"What's wrong with it?" I asked insecurely. I never really understood why I placed so much value on her opinion. I suppose it was because she always seemed to understand me better than most people.

"Nothing's wrong with it," she said as she shook here head slowly. "It's just that I can't sing a song like this."

"Well why not? You sounded great just now." I wasn't lying. She sounded amazing.

Ninamori tilted her head to her side and rolled her eyes toward the ceiling. It was a gesture I recognized as her thinking. In all the time I'd ever seen her, she'd never looked more pretty than when she was thinking. I cherished that small moment. It was how I always wanted to think of her. I guess I was just getting sentimental.

Sanji was an idiot.

I was an idiot too.

"This just isn't… my type of song."

"What do you mean?" I was intrigued.

"It's too… personal."

I was lost.

"What song isn't personal?" I asked. Writing music is an intense personal thing. It comes from within. If I'd learned anything from playing in this band, that was it.

"I know, but…"

"But what?"

"But it's yours."

Realization dawned. This wasn't about the music. This was about us.

"This isn't about the music," I said accusingly. "This is about us."

"Exactly," she said completely throwing me off guard.

"What?"

"You and I don't mix. Not anymore."

"But you sound great singing the song," I protested.

"It doesn't change the fact that there's something off about this."

"What are you talking about?"

She sighed.

"This song is great. What you've written is solid, and the music is fantastic. But if I sing it, I won't do it true justice."

"But you've already done it justice."

"Look Naota. If you truly care about this song, you'll get someone else to sing it. I just can't do it right."

"But no one else _does_ sing."

"Maybe it's about time someone learned," she said giving me this hinting look. I ignored it and pressed on.

"Could you just do this… for me?"

Another of those contemplating looks passed her face. It wasn't long before she relented.

"Fine Naota. I'll sing the song."

"Thanks Ninamori," I said, "I really appreciate it."

And I really did appreciate it. I knew that she believed everything she said and I was happy she'd go against her intuition (or whatever) for my sake. As I walked her out of the house she had one last question for me.

"So where does this new song fit into the line up?"

"It's our closing number," I said.

I wasn't too surprised to hear her sigh again.

------------

"The operation was a success," said the doctor. "Your grandfather will live."

I barely knew the man, but at that moment I could have hugged him. I'd been waiting in the waiting room for far too long. It would be an understatement to say that I was a bit emotional, but I restrained myself from embracing the man. I still had my self-restraint. I also had a question on my mind.

"Why are you telling me?"

I understood my place in the world. I was a child. I would remain a child until I became much too old for my parents to think of me as such. And as I child I should be automatically placed at the bottom of the informational food chain. That's just the way the world worked. When the doctor's face turned into a mask of hurt, I wondered if he understood that.

The man idly scratched at his chin with the hand not holding his clipboard. I realized that this man definitely did not understand how the world worked.

"Well I figured you'd like to know…"

An awkward answer to an awkward question I suppose. I guess that's my fault. He was right though. I did want to know it's just that…

"I expected you to tell my parents first."

At this the man smiled. It was the sort of conspiratorial smile that made you want to smile back at them mischievously. I almost did smile at the man, but I remembered that I had my self-restraint to think about. Instead I just let the man talk.

"Under normal circumstances I would have… but a man likes to be the bearer of good news, if you know what I mean."

I nodded. "I think I understand what you're getting at," I said.

I didn't understand what he was getting at. I didn't think it really mattered.

"Well I've got other patients to attend to, so I'll talk to you later young man."

His use of the phrase young man told me that he had no idea what my name was. If he'd have known I was Masashi he would have called me that.

"Thank you doctor," I said with what I thought was a grateful tone. I wonder if he knew that I had no clue what his name was. I guess that didn't matter either.

The good doctor left to go attend to his other patients. I was glad to be alone in the waiting room. It gave the opportunity to finally be happy. I allowed myself the freedom of smiling. When I thought about how worried I had been, I even laughed a little. I breathed easy, for the first time since the operation had began… maybe for the first time since my grandfather had slipped into a coma.

Forget what anyone else ever said to you on this subject: relief is the greatest of all emotions.

-----------

Somewhere in Mabase a phone rang. There was nothing spectacular about the ring of this phone, nor the circumstances of the call that was to take place. It's just important to note that this phone, located in that small suburb in Japan, rang. It's also important to note that a boy answered it.

"Hello," said the boy, as people often tend to do when they answer the phone.

"Hi, Naota," said the boy who was on the other end of the line.

"Is that you, Sanji?" said Naota. He was never good at voice recognition.

"Yeah, it's me."

There was an awkward pause. Neither boy was proficient at phone conversation. Both felt it was a skill better reserved for girls.

"Anyways," said Sanji as if he was changing the subject. "I was just calling to see if you wanted to go out and do something. Maybe grab a bite to eat."

"Sorry man," said Naota with regret evident in his voice. "You know I would, but I still got work to do."

"Come on Naota," pleaded Sanji. "It won't take that long. You have to eat sometime anyways."

The other boy's regret was replaced by irritation.

"Look Sanji, not tonight. I've got way too much stuff to do."

"Ok," said Sanji disappointedly.

"I promise we'll do something before the concert."

"Whatever."

"I'll see you later."

"Bye."

Both boys hung up, but soon another phone was ringing in Mabase.

"Hello," said a boy whose voice Sanji recognized.

"Hey Masashi," said Sanji. He wasn't quite sure why he was calling.

"Who's this," Masashi asked.

"It's Sanji."

"Sanji Miyamoto?"

"Yeah," said Sanji.

"The same Sanji Miyamoto who plays for The Missing Moons?"

"Yeah, it's me Masashi."

"What do you want?" asked Masashi in a tired sounding voice.

"I was wondering if you wanted to hang out or something. We haven't talked in a while."

There was a long pause in which Masashi thoroughly considered the offer.

"Who the heck do you think you are?"

One boy hung up. After hearing the dial tone, the other boy followed suit.

Sanji shuffled through a large book as he tried to find the number he was looking for. He reminded himself that he wasn't desperate; he was just exploring all available options.

"Hello," said a girl whose voice Sanji recognized well.

"Hi, Takara," said Sanji. He couldn't believe he was calling her.

"Oh, I'll get her for you." Sanji was extremely embarrassed as he heard the girl (who apparently was not Takara) calling for the girl who he had once thought to be the girl of his dreams.

"Hello," said Takara as she answered the phone.

"Hi," said Sanji. "It's Sanji."

"Oh Sanji," she said almost excitedly. It was like she was hearing from an old friend after a long time of absence. The two of them had not spoken since the abortion of their first date. That had been about a month ago.

"Yeah…" said Sanji. His confidence was rising. She wasn't mad to hear from him. "I was just calling to umm… apologize."

"There's no need," said Takara before he could continue. "Ninamori told me all about it."

"You talked to Ninamori?" asked Sanji in surprise.

"Yeah, she called a few days ago. She told me all about how you guys weren't dating back then."

"Well I still feel that I should apologize… I should have handled the situation differently."

"Don't worry about it. It was just a misunderstanding. I just wish I hadn't slapped you."

Though neither of them knew it, both the boy and the girl were blushing. Sanji was absently holding his hand to his cheek. As odd as it was, that slap was the only physical contact he had shared with the girl.

"So… how did you get my number anyways?"

"Oh… uh… I sort of looked it up in the phone book. I hope you don't mind…"

"No it's alright."

The boy breathed a sigh of relief. A silence settled between them. The boy broke it.

"So I was wondering… maybe you'd like to go out and do something tonight." He hoped he didn't sound as stupid as he thought he sounded.

"Oh… well I would Sanji… really I would." That's all it took to kill his hopes. She continued anyways. "It's just that I kind of met this guy… you might know him… he was in our math class… you know, Kozo… well anyways, we're going out now… sorry."

"It's okay." It wasn't ok. This was hard for both of them.

"Sorry."

And then there was that unsettling silence again. This time the girl broke it.

"I heard about your concert on Friday."

"Oh really?" he said as if it were surprising. He could barely walk a foot without seeing a poster advertising it.

"Yeah. Kozo and I are going to try to get tickets."

"Oh… that's cool."

"Yeah… so maybe we'll see you there."

"I hope not."

Sanji couldn't believe he said that out loud. It was the biggest tongue slip of his life thus far. He literally hit himself. But don't worry, he didn't do it hard.

"Sorry," he said quickly. "I didn't mean it that way."

"It's okay," she said sounding hurt. Of course it wasn't okay. This was hard for both of them. "I'll see you around, then."

"Yeah… it was nice talking to you," Sanji lied.

"I hope I'll hear from you again." Takara was not lying.

"Bye."

"Bye."

Both phones were hung up. Sanji began to dial another number.

It was a number that he knew by heart.

A phone somewhere in Mabase began to ring, but it stopped before anyone could answer it.

Sanji had come to his senses. He realized how truly awkward it would have been if he had called Ninamori and asked her to hang out. She had every reason to turn him down after what he'd done to her.

But that wasn't why he hung up.

He was afraid she'd say yes.

----------

Truthful Commentary:

Once again, I set out to make a (potentially) sweet chapter only to realize it's way too frickin' long to post the whole thing in one go. I was going to include the long awaited concert in this one, but if I had done that, this may have exceeded 8,000 words… and almost nobody wants that. So this one is just another set up chapter for the concert. If I don't have the concert in the next chapter you have my permission to shoot me.

Here's some random knowledge for you. Did you know that Interlude is derived from the Latin term "inter" and the Greek suffix "luden"? Did you know that the literal translation of Interlude means a chapter in the middle of a story that the author is too lazy to name? Did you know that I know nothing about the origin of words and I'm completely full of crap?

Anyways, I hope you enjoyed this chapter. I thought it was alright. Look for the next one…

Yes there will be a next one. Come hell or high waters.

See ya then.

-Fresh C


	11. Shooting the Moon

**AN: **This is the beginning of the end my friends. There's no use in trying to hide it from you. This is what it's all been coming down to. I hope it's not disappointing.

**Shooting the Moon**

Ever since I was very young, I hated hospitals. I understand their usefulness and I can appreciate the general cleanliness of the atmosphere, but there's something about being in one that truly irks me. It might have something to do with the way Grandpa always used to bad mouth the place. He claimed that he'd never set foot into a hospital his whole life. I suppose it's true. He died on our living room couch last year, or so dad tells me. I wasn't there to see it. It's not my fault I wasn't there. I mean, it's not like death is a scheduled event. But I'm still not sure if I regret that or not.

But I don't really think that's the full reason I can't stand these places. I don't even think it has anything to do with that time that crazy nurse tried to hit me with her guitar. The real reason I don't like hospitals is the smell. It's that musky smell that seems to permeate the halls and seep through patients' doorways. It is the smell of sickness and deterioration. It's the smell of death. And I've never been more aware of it than when I was in Masashi's grandpa's room.

As I stepped inside, I was immediately greeted with the sight of an old frail man hooked up to various life-sustaining machines. It was a sickening sight. I was beginning to see why my grandpa hated these places.

Masashi was sitting in the corner in one of those hospital chairs that look like they'd feel really comfortable, but when sat upon bring hard cardboard to mind. I didn't know how long he'd been there, but I sure wasn't going to ask him either. Instead I opened up with a simple greeting.

"Hi Masashi."

I myself was greeted with a kindhearted, "What do you think you're doing here?"

"I'm just here to wrap things up," I said calmly. I think calm is the best way to describe it. "It's wrong to leave things when they're incomplete."

"You…" started Masashi sounding almost venomous, but then he just stopped. There was no room for anger from him now. "You always speak so cryptically. Do you even know what you're talking about?"

"That's what I liked about you," I told him truthfully. "You never let me get away with anything. You don't jump down my throat like Gaku, but at the same time you won't sit quiet like Sanji and Ninamori."

"What do you want?" he asked wearily.

"I just wanted to say I'm sorry."

"So you know I didn't do it?"

"Of course," I say. "I know you. I know all of you. You're predictable… and so am I. We're all set to do what we have to do to accomplish what we want to accomplish."

Masashi frowned deeply.

"Is it all that simple for you? Can you really move us all with you're puppeteer hands?"

"No," I say plainly. "I don't control anything. I just… I solve problems Masashi. I've always seen the problems, but now I finally know how to solve them."

"But you hurt people Naota. You realize that don't you?"

"People hurt themselves, Masashi. Take you, for example." And it's important for you to realize that I know I'm going into dangerous territories here. "You work so hard to save a man because you feel guilty about how you treated him. But all you've done is make yourself unhappy. And when all this is over and done with, all you'll have left is a dead Grandfather anyways."

"Shut up," he said, but there was no power behind it. It was more of a plea than anything else.

"Old men die. It's not your fault, it really isn't. But what you need to know is that the only thing worse than death is living unhappy."

"Please, just shut up." I hated to see him beg. It's not fitting for him at all. But I had to say one last thing.

"Do you think he'll like living in pain?"

"Get out of here Naota," said Masashi quietly. It wasn't a suggestion. "There's nothing more for you to do here."

On this point we both agreed.

"I just want to say, good luck Masashi. If you want it, there'll always be a place for you in the band." Then I turned to leave.

In fact, I was already out of the door when I heard him say, "Knock'em dead tomorrow."

-----------

It was midnight when the two of us met atop the old formerly abandoned Medical Mechanica plant. The weather was nice that night. It had been much too hot in the morning, but when evening came it cooled down considerably. There was a nice breeze cooling our skin and it seemed like you could see every star in the sky. It was the type of night I'd kill for, but there was one thing that was bothering me.

"Why do we always seem to meet at midnight?" I asked Naota breaking a long understood silence between us. I wasn't sure how long we had been sitting there, but I knew that I didn't care in the least.

"I'm really not sure, Sanji," he said looking at me almost seriously. I figured he was still a bit stressed from all the work of preparing for the concert. I thought about how nice it would be for all of us when Miss Katherine's company took over all of that stuff. I'm sure Naota would appreciate it.

"Well I just think it's odd," I say conversationally. "Midnight is just so… I don't know… mysterious?"

"Yeah," said Naota, "you could say that. I guess."

"So why's it always midnight?" I asked again. Naota just shrugged. I looked down at the city dimly glowing below us and another question flowed from my lips.

"And why do we always meet in these weird exotic-like places?"

Naota shrugged again but this time he provided an answer.

"I suppose we're just mysteriously weird, exotic-like people."

This time I shrugged. As odd as it was, his answer seemed to fit. My curiosity sated, the two of us sat in contented silence for a while longer. I realized then how tired I was. However cool and mysterious it was to meet at midnight, it was also pretty late. It didn't help that I hadn't been sleeping too well lately. I'd been feeling pretty bad actually. Not sick or anything, but just not myself. I guess it was the strain of the upcoming concert and all that stuff with Ninamori. That and I was lonely. Being with Naota helped. A lot.

"Are you ready for this?" he asked me out of the blue.

"For what?"

"What do you think?" Of course he meant the concert. What else was there?

"I don't know man," I say because it's the truth. "I guess I'm as ready as I'm going to be."

Naota just said, "That's good enough for me."

I was both glad and disappointed when he said that. I sorta expected him to question deeper, to ask if anything was bothering me or something like that. In a way, I guess I wanted him to be concerned about me, even though I already knew that he cared… in his weird way. I was sorta in a bad place that night. Just… I was off. If you've felt that way, you understand.

"Are you ready?" I asked him. I felt like saying something. That was the best I had. I was surprised when Naota turned his head away from me. I was even more surprised when he started talking… and just didn't shut up.

"I don't know. I've… I expected this you know. I had my doubts, sometimes. Sometimes I thought it was impossible to get where we are… other times I thought it was pointless. But I didn't stop because I had nothing else to do. You know? What else is there for guys like me? Do I go to school, work my butt off for the grades, find my way into some cheap college, and then a decent paying job that I wind up hating? Do I slack off the rest of my life and end up on some corner begging for quarters so I can buy my next bottle of beer? It makes no sense, you know? This had to work for me or nothing would. But honestly… I didn't expect to like it so much, you know? I mean, I could really play music for the rest of my life and I'd love it… I really would. But now that I've worked for it… this is it you know. This is the last time we play for real… this is the last time we play for _us_. After this… it's all performance for you guys. Mass production. They'll all have access to it, which means it's worth nothing. Because accessibility is what makes a weed a weed. But you'll still like it I'm sure. It won't be bad. It won't be bad at all… just less. But we have tomorrow. Tomorrow night will be real. And we're good. We'll play well. We'll move the heavens… you and I, we'll move the heavens. And that's what I'm worried about…"

He was shaking. He was shaking badly. When he brought his right hand over to his left wrist to stop the shaking, I found that I was somewhat scared. Not "run away screaming" type scared but "lost and I don't know what to do" type scared. He nervously looked over at me and I nervously looked back.

"You… why do you care so much?"

Naota laughed. It was a sound full of nerves. The kind of laugh designed to diffuse the tension from a situation, but only ends up building it. In a way I almost expected the answer he gave me next. It fit completely.

"It involves a girl."

"Doesn't it always?" I find myself saying without really thinking about it. Responses like these don't require anything more than a mouth in order to leap out from your throat. It was like this conversation had already happened and we were both reading lines from a script.

"I… used to love her," he said quietly smiling at some distant point in the horizon. "I think I still do. I'm not really sure."

"hmm," I said because it fit.

"She was beautiful, of course. They're always beautiful… the ones that you love. Especially after they're gone. And she really changed my life. Maybe not for the better… I'm not really sure. Maybe what she did for me was something that I would have done for myself overtime. Or maybe she saved me from everything I was set out to become… but that's pretty dramatic isn't it? Saying things like that."

I nodded. "Very dramatic indeed."

"For the longest time I really thought she was horrible. Her very way of life made me question everything about myself. I'm still not sure if she was carefree or just careless. But I was always so… serious."

"You still are pretty serious."

"I was worse."

"How so?"

"I was serious about being serious."

"Is that such a bad thing?" I asked.

"It really is…" He paused for a while. I debated upon responding, but I never got a chance as he began to tell his story again.

"She couldn't keep her hands off of me. I was pretty squeamish about that kind of thing, but she just wouldn't stop. And I think I liked that about her a lot. And really… she didn't care at all what I thought about her. She didn't care what anyone thought. She just lived the way she wanted. When things didn't go the way she wanted, she'd change them to be that way. And when she couldn't change things the way she wanted… well she'd leave."

"What couldn't she change?" I asked, trying to play my part as well as possible.

"What do you mean?" asked Naota finally looking back over at me.

"You said she left when she couldn't change things to be the way that she wanted. What couldn't she change?"

"Me," said Naota because it was the answer he was supposed to give. It was the answer that I had expected because it was the answer that fit perfectly in the script. "I wasn't able to give her what she wanted. So she left. Without really saying goodbye… and I think that's what I hated the most about her."

"That she'd just leave?"

"Yeah…" Naota was already looking in another direction again. I was beginning to think that he sincerely lacked the ability to look at me while talking about her. I guess I should have just been glad that he was willing to talk to me about something like this at all, but it annoyed me a bit. In retrospect, I don't think there was anything really odd about it. I suppose he was just nervous.

"I'm sorry…" I say, but Naota just waved me off.

"It's not your fault. She was selfish… that's the difference between who she was and who I am now. We both go after the things we want, but I've learned to never be selfish. I don't think it's right to leave when things aren't settled and I don't think it's right to take without giving back."

Noble sentiments, I believe. You could tell that he meant what he was saying. He truly was convicted to these ideals. He didn't seem self-righteous about it, or even angry that his girl didn't follow the same beliefs. I, however, did find it odd that he could care so deeply for someone who held none of the same values.

"So if she didn't teach you to be unselfish and she didn't teach you to be caring, then what exactly did she teach you anyways?" I asked. What he said next almost sounded like a rebuke.

"People don't always have to teach you something for you to care about them. Sometimes they just have to be there. They just have to exist around you."

"Oh," I say as if this is news to me. In all honesty, it might have been. I had never really given it much thought really. "So she's coming to the concert then?" I ask because I'm already growing bored with feeling stupid. The way Naota spoke of this whole situation made me feel oddly inferior.

"Yeah… she's coming… I think." His eyes shifted around in their respective sockets. My mouth hung slightly open in mild surprise.

"You don't even know if she's coming?"

"I'm pretty sure she'll be there… either that or she'll show up afterwards... maybe."

"But you don't really know?"

"Not really…" said Naota sounding much sadder than before. I instantly regretted pressing the issue. "I told you before… she doesn't really care… I know it sounds horrible, but she's just… well she might not even know about it, really."

I didn't say anything. There was really nothing to tell him. He knew that what he was saying was ridiculous. And I think he understood that I didn't understand him at all. I just didn't get how he could be so nervous about the slight possibility of a girl that didn't care about him seeing him play. I suppose that it wasn't really important that I understood. I just needed to be there really. I just needed to nod and try my hardest to care. I think I pulled it off pretty well.

"Sanji?" asked Naota looking my way once again.

"Yeah?"

"We have to go for it."

"We will." Suddenly I felt confident.

"You and me… in everything. We go for it. We don't stop until we get it. No matter what it is."

"We'll blow them out of the water." I was getting pretty pumped.

"The two of us. We play our hearts out. If the world comes down around us, we'll still be playing." Naota was pretty pumped too.

"They don't stand a chance."

"If Gaku and Ninamori stop, we'll keep playing."

"They'll get left behind."

"We'll do it for life."

"We'll do it for ourselves." I say.

"We'll do it for the world."

"We'll do it for you and me." I say.

"We'll do it for love."

"For the ones who were left behind." I thought briefly of my parents.

"We'll do it for her… for her… and for Ninamori."

"Shut up," I say and we're both quiet for a while.

"It's okay Sanji," he says. "It really is okay. You can get her back you know."

"Naota," I say after a long drawn out pause.

"Hmm?"

"Shut up." I only know I'm angry because I'm shaking… and my words are harsh. Much more harsh than needed.

"Alright," said Naota with a sigh. "I suppose it's not really my place."

"I suppose so," I say almost mockingly, but there's no real anger behind the statement. None truly directed at him anyways.

The two of us stared at the sky in silence. Suddenly I felt stupid. Stupid and hungry. In fact, I was craving some very unhealthy food. Something with enough grease to fix every creaky door in the city. The stars shone on, unaware of my odd desires. I remembered when I told Naota that if I could catch one I'd probably do something stupid with it, like lose it. But now I'm not so sure.

I think if I could catch a star I'd never let it go.

----------

I had no problems with playing for a large audience. I really didn't. It was just the preparation that got to me a little bit.

At first it was fine. We went through some songs, playing most of them halfway through and reminding our selves of the consistent problems. It bugged me a lot really. Doing it halfway is just so… un-cool. It's hard to get a feeling for the song. Ninamori sat out of this last minute practice. She said she needed to rest her voice for the real thing. I guess I understood. She'd be singing for a few hours straight. But that sort of annoyed me too, because she never does any real work for the band. And then Sanji… well Sanji just bugged me. And he kept on throwing me these looks when I made the smallest of mistakes.

It wasn't my fault though. Like I told you, I have to feel the song. I just can't turn it on and turn it off. Of course, I was going to make a few mistakes. And yeah, I was a little nervous. I wasn't _really_ nervous though. I mean, I had control, you know? I had a handle on it.

But then I started to hear this murmur in the background. At first I didn't know what it was. I didn't really care because we were playing. And even if I wasn't doing so hot (but really I wasn't that bad) I tried to concentrate and do my best. But eventually that noise started to distract me. And I realized it was getting louder. So I asked Naota what it was and he said it was all the people on the other side of the Medical Mechanica plant who were waiting for the concert. And that sorta bugged me a bit.

I mean, you'd figure if tons of people were waiting for you to rock their socks off with some killer beats they'd at least have the courtesy to be quiet for a little bit while you practiced. It only makes sense right? But they just kept on talking or yelling or screaming or maybe just breathing… it was probably all of those things. Just the sound of people upon people being in one small confined place. What really bugged me was that the concert didn't even start for another forty-five minutes or so. What were all these people doing here so early anyways? And why couldn't they shut their mouths for just a little bit?

So eventually we're done with our emergency practice and Ninamori is done standing around watching us do all the work. That girl… she's my friend but sometimes… I swear she's so annoying. And then Sanji threw me this look that really made me want to sock him after the last song, but I kept my cool because I didn't want to get all worked up before the concert and all. But then Naota, our high and mighty leader, comes up to me and asks me if I'm alright and everything. Of course, I tell him I'm fine. I mean there was nothing wrong with me and he knew it. I just messed up a few rhythms here and there because that dang murmur was getting in my head. Naota seemed to relax a little when I told him that, but then he goes and asks me if I'm _sure_ that I'm feeling okay. And that bugs the crap out of me. When people go and ask you if you're _sure _that you're okay. If I wasn't _sure_ I wouldn't have said so in the first place. So where does the guy get off asking me twice?

So then that John Gregory guy comes in and tells us to head over to the make-up station they set up a little ways from our practice area. And I look over at Ninamori expecting her to get up and go, but she stays still. So I ask her if she heard the man because obviously she was the one that he was talking to. But she just says, "Yeah, I heard him" and goes back to standing around doing nothing. And I was about to say something else, but I figured "screw it". If she didn't want to look good for the stage and whatnot, that was on her. But then Sanji tells me to come on and go over to the table with him and Naota. So I ask him, "What for?" And then he says to get our make-up done. That sorta ticked me off a bit. I told him I wasn't a chick and that I was not about to get all dolled up for the stage, but Naota said some crap about everybody doing it. Like all sorts of actors and musicians and stuff. Everyone who performs anyways. So then I'm a little more accepting of the idea, but really I'm not sold. So I ask him why Ninamori isn't getting her make-up done and then she piped in and said she already got it done while the three of us were practicing and doing _real_ work. And that ticked me off a bit more. Really she's the laziest person I ever met. And she's the star that everyone's always fawning over. "Oh look at how pretty she is." "Her voice is amazing." "She's such a dedicated artist." When really she did jack squat for this band and everyone knows it. So yeah, that ticked me off a bit.

So we go to the make-up guys and they make us all look like clowns and crap. But they assure us it'll look good up on the stage. I'm thinking "yeah right", but I don't say anything because they're "professionals" and John said that we should treat them as such "if we ever want to get anywhere in this business". I'm not sure I buy into that crap… I mean they just put on the make-up. They're no better than the people who stand at the doors collecting tickets. Any Joe could do that crap, but John says we're supposed to worship the doormen too. And the security people. And anyone who lifts a tiny finger to run a simple concert. But we're the talent here. The people came to see us, not watch some guy push dirt with a broom. But I do have some respect for the set up crew. Those guys who haul all our stuff up to the top of the plant and down. I've been hauling equipment for this band far too long not to have some appreciation for the job.

So anyways, we've all been dolled up now and John says we're on in fifteen. He says it just like that too. "You're on in fifteen, kids." And then he's off doing whatever it is he does that supposedly "keeps this concert running smoothly." The set up crew takes all our instruments up to the top of the plant using this elevator system that the city just put in specifically for these types of events. I told the guys thanks for hauling all the stuff. I try to be appreciative when people do stuff for me. I figure it's only fair, you know? The guys were all like, "it's our job" and I said, "better you than me." We all laughed at that and I felt a little less nervous just then. Not that I was really nervous anyways.

So, I figured I'd just stand around and wait the fifteen minutes out. I go over a few songs in my head and I sorta "air-drum" with my hands. It's really not all that hard to visualize the drums at all. But Ninamori asked me to be quiet because she was trying to concentrate. Apparently I was making the noises of the drums with my mouth or something like that. I really hadn't noticed, I was concentrating so hard. So I apologized and tried to keep my mouth shut while I was practicing, but it was harder for me to keep my focus without the sounds I was making. And then there was that murmur from the crowd getting louder and louder. But what really pissed me off was Ninamori. She told me to be quiet, but then she goes making noises herself. "A-E-I-O-U" she goes and "La La La La La La La" and if that's not annoying I don't know what is. So I try to confront her about it and ask her why she gets to make noises when I don't. But she just says that she needs to warm up her voice before the concert. And that just pisses me off more because she could have been practicing with us and "warming up her voice" the whole frickin' time!

I tried to ignore her warm-up session and concentrate on my air-drumming, but she just wouldn't quit. And then she has the nerve to tell me that moving my hands around like that is making her nervous. I'm really pissed and really tired of hanging around her about then so I go and sit down in one of the chairs next to where Naota and Sanji are standing and talking. So I start to air-drum again, but I get distracted by their conversation and that darn murmur. I try to ignore them but I hear bits and pieces of their conversation. Apparently they were going over some last minute stage effects and show-offy stuff. Naota kept going on and on about some rip-cord on Sanji's guitar and he keeps on talking about this special pick-up that they're going to use and I could really care less. But it was kinda interesting watching the look on Sanji's face as Naota kept on adding more and more things to the list. The guy looked as if he was getting _real_ nervous.

So then John comes back to tell us we're "on in five " and that we should "take care of last minute preparations." That causes the two chatterboxes next to me to stop talking and even Ninamori stops doing her gay warm-up. Then we're all sitting there and Naota starts giving us a small little pep-talk saying crap like, "let's keep our cool and be great out there. Put some feeling into it. And no matter what happens don't stop." It's all stuff we've heard before and honestly it's pretty annoying that he keeps saying it. And then he really really got on my nerves when he asked me if I was okay again. I sorta snapped at him. I said he should be asking Sanji that since the guy was still shaking a lot. But then Naota ignores me and asks me if I'm alright again and I tell him to keep his frickin' concerns to himself.

But suddenly I wasn't feeling all that hot. I figured I just needed to go to the bathroom. Sometimes you don't feel good and you have no idea why, only to find out that you just needed to go to the bathroom. So I head over to the porter potty they have set up over by the make-up station. I take a little leak, but nothings coming out of the business end, if you know what I mean. And really I don't feel any better. And then I hear that horrible murmur again… I'd sorta drowned it out for a little while, but it was back in full force. And the noise was really horrible. I didn't get how they could stand to listen to themselves being so loud. And then I heard the rest of the band talking outside and I just knew they were talking about me. And I started to feel a little worse. And then I heard John come out and say "You kids are on now… where's the little drummer boy?" And then I hear Sanji say "he's in the can." And then John says, "Well he better get out here quick. We've got a show to do." And then someone is knocking on the door. And I think it was Ninamori who said, "Come on Gaku, we've got to go." And then I felt ten times worse than before. And they kept knocking for a few moments and I began to feel really, really bad. And I got off the toilet real quick and I turned around. And…

I puked a little. Not a whole lot, just a little.

So then I wipe my mouth off real quick with a piece of toilet paper and flush it all down. I would have washed my hands (I'm a real clean guy, really) but there was no sink in there. Just a toilet. I really wished there was a sink though because my mouth tasted like vomit. So I came out to find them all surrounding the porter potty waiting for me. And then John asks if I'm alright and I just ignore him because it's pretty annoying. I walked over to the make-up table and picked up this bottle of water that I had been drinking earlier. I swirled some water around in my mouth and spit it out and for some reason I felt a lot less nervous. Not that I was really all that nervous to begin with. I just felt better though.

And then Naota goes and asks me if I'm okay again and that's pretty annoying too. But I don't let my annoyance show because I didn't want to get all worked up before we started playing.

So I just said, "I'm fine." And then I said, "Let's do this."

----------

The elevator ride was horrible. If I had to name the most agonizing moment of my life, this would be it. Bar none. At least when my parents died I had been too numb to accept it. And when I broke up with Ninamori… well there was a lot less uncertainty. But this moment in time was unrelenting. In many ways my life hinged upon the next two hours. The worst thing about it was that I could not diminish the importance of this event. I couldn't tell myself that it meant nothing, or that it was just another gig. This was our stepping-stone into the big leagues. That night was the deciding factor: hit or miss.

The audience was huge. I didn't try to count them because… the audience was huge. When they saw us they clapped like thunder. The lights were beaming down on us and for a moment I forgot that I could breathe.

Ninamori mounted the stage like a pro, taking up the center mike. She looked amazing wearing that black skirt and red blouse. The hair dressers let most of her long hair to simply hang with gravity, opting only to curl her bangs in the front. I almost wanted to say she had a punk rock look going for her, but the way she carried herself was just too… classy. But when she started counting, it was like she hit a switch.

"Ah-1, Ah-2, Ah-1, 2, 3, Go!"

If there was ever a person I hated to complement, it would have to be Gaku. But the way he came in on those drums… it was like bottled electricity. You could just feel the beat flowing through the air, shocking us all with it's contagious static. Then Naota came in an eight beat later and a melody was born. I looked down at my hands as they moved across the strings of the old Rickenbacker guitar. I realized they were bloody. Music was bleeding from my fingers.

Did I ever tell you that Ninamori could sing? Well she could… and it was amazing. We played American Band Boy for the opener. The crowd was roaring. When we got to the breakdown in the middle of the song they were still yelling and screaming like maniacs. And when we finished our first song they were screaming so loud that _I_ was out of breath. Really, I was out of breath. No joke.

_Oh my God…_I thought in that moment. _This is what I'm supposed to do._

I never realized before then how much my life was intertwined with the band. Aside from my job, I held no other extra-curricular activities. And the only reason I had the job in the first place was in order to help along our progress. And I was good at this. I was _good at this._ I could play the bass guitar the way that ducks swim in water. The shock of this realization was so great that I laughed out loud at the enormity of it all.

And it wasn't just playing the music. No it was all of it. It was being up here in front of crowd. Listening to them scream our name. _Our Band's Name_. And feeling the rush of pure endorphins that came along with the whole ordeal. Artists are made to paint. Architects are made to build. Writers are made to write. And I was made to play.

I was all of them rolled in one; I was an artist painting in the invisible canvas in front of me the tunes the crowd was chorusing; I was the architect building the momentum for when Naota would let it rip, for when Eri would make it shimmer away like fine dust onto all of them, I was the writer writing the story with the bass notes, setting the tempo, making them follow the lead Gaku was setting for me like building blocks.

I was made to squeeze every last ounce of music from my body into this old, perfect Rickenbacker guitar.

I was born for this.

I played a small little improvised solo for the crowd. Just out of the blue. For no apparent reason. They clapped like mad men.

Ninamori introduced all of us one by one, starting with me since I had just played a little. She then introduced Gaku who gave a little rim shot, and Naota who played a few jamming chords. They of course clapped their hands off. We could have played "Mary had a little lamb" and they would have died of excitement. Man I loved them for that.

I feel bad though… because aside from that I really don't know what to tell you. How does one describe indescribable feelings? It was just incredible. The whole thing was incredible. We played The Beatles ("I wanna hold your haaaaaannd"), then Lithium by Nirvana (Ninamori's voice was so chilling). And God Knows… by Aya Hirano. We didn't pull that one off to well, since we honestly needed another guitarist to fill in some of the background. Naota and I even had to switch guitars, since the lead part was a bit too much for him. We _killed_ on Universally Speaking by the Chili Peppers (yes the "Red Hot" ones). Somehow Ninamori's accent made the song sound even more… I suppose "trippy" would be the best word. Then we sung a short little song Masashi wrote a while back called Suburban Slumming. The lyrics were all about some guy wandering the suburbs and dreaming of the city and he keeps "finding new places where I've already been". I thought the song was pretty good (and so did the crowd) but I felt sort of bad for using it when the guy was no longer in the band. Janie's Got a Gun had never been more fun to play. I always felt like laughing when I heard the way Ninamori sung the lyrics… not really knowing where one word ended or the next begun. In a way it took the focus off the words and put it more on the music itself. For that moment it was perfectly okay. Scratch that. It was perfect.

"How are you guys liking the show tonight?"

The noise flowed into my ear like liquid through a funnel. Ninamori laughed into the microphone.

"I guess that means you enjoyed it." The noise only grew louder at that. "You've all been great tonight. _Fantastic. _We're going to take a little break and we'll be right back out here to _rock you all through the end of the night!_"

It didn't get any louder than that. It simply couldn't. The crowd was insane. Ninamori had them eating out of the palm of her hands. They cheered us all the way off the stage and well into the elevator. My jaw hurt from smiling.

The moment the elevator hit the ground floor I found Ninamori's arms around me.

"This is _so amazing!_" she said.

"I _know!_" I nearly yelled back at her. She took a step away from me as if suddenly remembering how things stood. It did nothing to kill our excitement. "Did you hear them out there? They're practically in love with us!"

"I _know!_" she yelled back at me. Then much softer she said, "I just… I can't even begin to believe it."

Then I looked at her. For the first time in a long while I got a good look at the person who is Eri Ninamori. My God was she glowing. And did I ever smile so hard? I must have looked like a complete idiot, but man did I smile.

"And did you see me out there… I swear I didn't make a mistake!"

It was Gaku and apparently he was talking to Naota. It surprised me how little I cared about his presence. In fact I wasn't even annoyed by him at all. If I had thought on it long enough, I might have even convinced myself that I was _glad_ to see him. I was so high… like Lucy in the Sky, reaching for the diamond that threatens to fall.

"You were great!" said Naota. "We all were!"

Then I looked over at Naota. I saw that look on his face… the utter triumph. The way the corners of his mouth seemed to be glued upward. The way his eyes screamed excitement. My best friend was on fire. It was written all over his face.

I don't know how, but I smiled even harder.

----------

We all calmed down after awhile. It was a matter of necessity. If we continued to ride that crazy high, we would have never been able to play again. It's hard to be giddy during concentration.

However, the mood backstage was far from morbid. Gaku was still talking animatedly to anyone who would listen and Naota and Sanji were talking some last minute "strategy" when John Gregory approached us.

"You kids did great out there," he said with an almost crooked smile. "How're you all holding up?"

It was Sanji who answered, his voice ringing with a sense of finality. "We're perfect John." The rest of us decided that this answer was sufficient enough.

The man smirked at that. Apparently he found us to be amusing. I can't say I really blame him.

"And you drummer boy, you feeling alright?"

"Never been better John." Gaku was doing that annoying air-drum thing again. But whatever…

"How about you Miss Ninamori?" I'm not sure if I liked the way he said my name.

"I'm fine sir," I said after a pause. Then as an after thought I added. "I love this."

Mr. Gregory chuckled at that. "You kids are something. Are you sure you're all fine?" we nodded. "You've still got 10 minutes before you're on again."

I hummed a little in my throat. It was beginning to feel a little off. Not sore or anything, just a little broken in.

"Do you think I could have some more water sir?" I asked. Water usually helped a little.

"Sure. You like it warm right?"

"Yes, please."

"I never can remember. You'd be surprised how specific some singers get with their water. They want it hot, they want it cold, with lemon juice, with lots of ice, with no ice, and my personal favorite with one cube of ice. How weird is that. Just one cube."

I laughed. It was easy to tell that he was enjoying this as much as any of us. I don't think I'd ever felt closer to the band. I'm not sure how to describe it. The whole thing just felt… right.

When John came back, I took a long sip from my water. As the warm liquid traveled down my throat I imagined it mingling with my vocal cords and repairing the damaged tissue there. After taking a few more sips, I downed the whole thing in one go. I could feel the contents of the bottle swirling around in my stomach. For some reason it made me feel better.

I took a second to view the world around me. Gaku was still air drumming and making those pathetic beat sounds with his mouth. He sounded like a child. John Gregory was standing off by the elevator talking into his headset. Apparently a few kids without tickets tried to sneak in. Then I looked over at Sanji and Naota.

Naota looked serious. He was explaining something to Sanji very slowly. Taking his time to make sure that he got it. The expression plastered on his face was intense. Then I looked over at Sanji. His eyes bored heavily into the eyes of his friend. He seemed to be following each word as if his life depended on it. But what really threw me was the ferocity of his smile.

I frowned.

We were on in five.

-----------

Try to pay attention. It gets a little rough here.

We all got onto the elevator. We all pulled out the game faces. The crowd roared at us and we stared back valiantly. We took up our instruments and we played. No jokes. No idle chit chat. We just played. And we kept on playing.

There's really not much to say. I could tell you that we were amazing out there, but what good does that really do you. You can't hear it. You weren't there. All that you need to know was that we played our songs and the crowd loved it and everyone was happy. Ecstatic. Right up until the last number.

And that's when the turbulence started.

"This next song we're about to play is one written exclusively by our two guitar players." They cheered of course. They wouldn't stop cheering. Ninamori had a way with crowds, that's for sure.

"This song is very personal to us as it comes right from the heart. So I'm going to sit this one out and let someone who's much more qualified sing it. Give a hand to our lead guitarist Naota Nandaba!" The noise erupted before she even finished my name. I approached the mike on shaking legs and gave Ninamori the dirtiest look I could muster.

"Oh come on," she said still smiling brightly for the crowd. "Don't tell me you didn't see it coming. It was obvious."

I dropped the death glare. Of course, I knew she'd do this. I'm not sure whether she loved me or hated me at that point, but I knew one thing: she knew me. She knew that like it or not, I _had _to do this. And she knew that even if I didn't want to, even if I was dangerously frightened of it, I had already prepared myself to sing the song. Because the song was my song.

The song was me.

----------

It gives me chills thinking about it really.

I never would have thought I'd see my best friend up there on the stage singing our closing number. I would have sooner expected Gaku to do it. I mean, Gaku has the voice of a drowning pig, but at least he loves the spotlight. Naota… he seemed to almost shrink away from it. Though not noticeably so.

"Alright," said Naota turning around and speaking to the rest of us. He wasn't trying to hide anything from the crowd, but the microphone picked up his voice anyways. "We do this just like we practiced, right. Sanji, you remember the pickup switches?" I nodded. "Then as a friend of mine once said: Let's do this."

I couldn't believe he was quoting Gaku.

The song was called "Shooting the Moon". A play on a title used by half a dozen other songs. Nothing special there. It wasn't the type of song you'll ever hear on the radio. It was more like that 14th track on the CD. The one that comes after all the popular songs that you've ever heard and right before the closing song that wasn't so popular, but the producers seemed to really like it. It's the one you find on a digital playlist downloaded once upon-a-time by a friend of a friend. The song that one out of ten professed die-hard fans of the band can recognize by the intro and four out of ten can vaguely remember. It's the one that gets stuck in your head on the way to work, while the windows are down and the radio's off and you're not even sure if you're thinking anymore.

You know what song I'm talking about.

So we started to play. I was on the third pickup. No pedals or nothing. I loved the way it sounded. Like the whine of a fork scraping along crystal glass. Or something like that. It was nice. And for some reason I was very surprised when Naota began to sing.

His voice was a little soft at first. A little shaky too. But the uncertainty only lasted him a note or two before he began to truly sing. It was easy to tell his heart was in it. Really you had to be there… I can't emphasize that enough. But at least I can tell you the words.

_Words_

_You always say the wrong words_

_But everything you show me_

_You show me with action_

_Touch_

_I think you touched me too much_

_You knew I didn't want it_

_So you forced the attraction_

_But the world keeps turning_

_And I keep burning_

_And still there is no room for regret_

_We took a chance_

_at happenstance_

_We gambled but you won the bet_

_And I lost it so I'm…_

_Shooting the moon_

_While I'm falling from the stars_

_Wonder when my battle wounds_

_Healed into battle scars_

_Not sure what I have to do_

_illusions tend to mar_

_Don't know where I'm going to_

_I know it's very far_

_Name_

_You always called me the same_

_I think you only did it_

_Just to grab my attention_

_Love_

_I knew you were from above_

_You couldn't grab the sun_

_But you still have my affection_

_The world keeps turning_

_And I keep burning_

_But still there is no room for regret_

_I took my chance_

_You held your stance_

_I gambled and I won the bet_

_But I lost you now I'm…_

_Shooting the moon_

_While I'm falling from the stars_

_Wonder when my battle wounds_

_Healed into battle scars_

_Not sure what we had to do_

_To become who we are_

_Don't know where we're going to_

_I know it's very far_

It was all very good. Very emotional. Each musical phrase was like riding a wave. I really shouldn't have been too surprised that Naota was good. Well… maybe not good. But not half bad. Especially for a guy who was playing the lead guitar and had never sung on stage before. During the chorus Ninamori even came in on harmony and it sounded that much better.

You know what though? While I was up there, I honestly couldn't have cared less. I was lost in my own little musical paradise. This was my music. I wrote it. And I played it. I played it pretty darn well too. When we came to the solo I got lost… man did I get lost.

Like we planned, I switched the pickups.

Gaku lit up the drums. He played my beat almost expertly. If he made any mistakes I didn't hear him. The two of us blazed through the music like fire through a forest. Burning folks and taking names. It was like nothing I've ever experienced. And then we reached the slow part. And I could feel the deep melody flowing out of my fingers, spreading to the guitar and amplifying out for the world to hear. But what surprised me the most was the sound of Naota on his Flying V. After all, it's not often that you hear an electric guitar during a bass and drum solo. I figured this is what he meant when he said he'd tweaked the lead part a bit. It didn't matter anyways, because like it or not I'd grown to trust the guy. I knew that he wouldn't blow it. He'd worked far too hard for that. In fact, his part was very complementary. It was almost like dueling. His countermelody filled in where my melody was lacking. Like… well even now I hate to admit it… but like Yin and Yang. Just like the jerk said all those many months ago.

And then the crazy started.

At first the stage lights went out. The crowd all screamed in excitement. And then the stage started to glow an unearthly shade of red. And at first I thought the same thing as the audience: we got some pretty sweet stage effects that I didn't know about. But then something else happened.

I began to feel the red.

My fingers ceased to move across the fingerboard for only a fraction of a second before I felt a horrible lurching in my stomach. And I almost thought I was going to throw up. But before I do that I hear a sharp reproach from Naota as he continues to play his part of the song.

"Don't Stop!"

I remember our promise from the night before and begin to play again. Almost instantly I feel better. The notes come to my fingers on autopilot. My brain is no longer a part of musical equation. I look out at the crowd and realize suddenly that they're all looking just as horrible as I felt moments before. I look back at Gaku and Ninamori and see that they too are "feeling the red". Needless to say, Gaku had stopped playing.

"What's wrong with them?" Somehow I managed to keep up my melody and scream at Naota simultaneously. In the back of my mind I almost thought that my life depended on it. Seeing Naota smile so viciously did nothing to alleviate my fears.

"It's science," he yells back at me over the sound of our guitars. "It's like electricity and magnets! When you produce a current, a magnetic field is created. Just like gravity is created when you produce this!"

"This?" I ask because there's no way I could have possibly understood. I'm still not sure that I do.

"N.O.", he yells as if this explains something. "It's like nothing. The absence of matter. The essence of power! Like the harnessed abilities of a black hole!"

"You're making no sense!"

"It's what she wanted!" he yells. And it scares me how happy he is. I look around and see that everyone else has fallen to the ground, pressed to the Earth's surface by some invisible weight. I started to shake.

"I don't understand!"

"Look," he says and points at the glowing Medical Mechanica plant under our feet. "This is how they caught him all those years ago. This is how they brought down the Pirate King. But they needed power. Power for the N.O. and even more power to counteract the gravity."

"Pirate King?"

"An N.O. _GOD!_" he yells ecstatically. "And we've got him right here. Thanks to these!" he points down at his guitar and instantly I stop playing. Just as quickly the weight is upon me.

"Play!" he yells as he slowly falls to his knees. The color has completely drained from his face by the time he says, "You're holding us up Sanji!"

I play some random chord since the solo is already over. We both feel a heck of a lot better.

"You can't stop playing Sanji… not yet."

"I don't get it… Naota I don't get it!"

He strums random notes on his guitar.

"I'm pulling him in," he says as if this explains everything. "But while pulling him in, I'm pulling us down. It's the gravity, you see? There's no N.O. without the excess gravity. So I need you to keep us up. It's the only way to get him here."

"What?" I yell. I want to understand. I want this to stop. I want to quit playing and just walk over and hit him.

"Pickup seven pulls it in and pickup six pushes out. You're six and I'm seven. Together we make balance. Just like I told you Sanji. Like Yin and Yang!"

"Why me?"

"You're the one man!" His answer is less than satisfactory. "We both play the same song… a few variations, but it's all the same song. It would have never worked with the other one…"

"Masashi!" I yell in a sudden revelation. Naota merely nods at me, his fingers setting his guitar ablaze.

He looks back down at the plant and his crazy smile widens. "We've almost got him!" he yells. "He's almost here!"

I look down at the plant and see its burning red surface pulsing with an intense glow. I can feel it's power sending jolts through my guts and I honestly can't think of a moment in which I wanted to puke more. But then I advert my gaze to the sky and I think my heart nearly stopped.

With undeniable awe I find myself staring dazedly into the face of the moon.

"I knew it!" yelled Naota as he spotted the silvery orb. "I knew it, I knew it, I knew it!"

"But it's supposed to be gone!" I yell back. But to this he simply laughs.

"She said it herself. You can't get rid of the moon Sanji! You can only move it out of sight!"

I stared dead into his face and for a moment I wanted to weep. This wasn't right… this couldn't be happening at all. But then I looked back up at the moon and something struck me as odd.

"Isn't it closer?" I asked and curse words were his only reply. I think it was the first time I ever heard him swear.

"This isn't good," he says. The smile is gone from his face. "It's coming down too fast." He looks down at the plant all the while still playing away at his guitar. "And he's not even here yet."

"It's coming down!" I yell in disbelief. "It's coming down here!"

"It's the gravity!" he says again. "It's pulling it out of orbit!"

"Then stop playing!" I scream. It's the only logical course of action. However, Naota's fingers move as fast as ever.

"He's almost here… she has to know he's here or she'll never come."

"Who cares if we're dead?"

Naota is silent. I look up at the sky again. The moon is picking up speed. I felt like I needed to wake up from this dream and fast.

"Naota!" I scream. My voice cracks at the end. It's the first time I ever remember fearing for my life.

"Naota!" I scream again when he doesn't answer me.

"I'm thinking," he says. It does nothing to placate me. I was sure that I was going to die. I was _this_ close from making a lunge for his guitar.

"I got an idea," he says and I'm all ears. I'd listen to anything at this point. God I didn't want to die.

"We let it fall close enough… and then we hit it back."

"What! _Hit it back?_"

"I can hold the nail, but you have to be the hammer."

"What?" I knew he had to be crazy then.

"I'll line up for the pitch and slow it down. But it's up to you to knock her out of the park."

"God Naota, make some freakin' sense would you?"

"Stop playing the moment I tell you to… just aim for the center of the V."

After that I yell at him, I scream at him, and I curse at him, but he doesn't say another word too me. I throw every dirty insult I have at the guy and he doesn't bat an eyelash. Before long I stop caring. I just look up to the sky to see my doom approaching.

The moon gets closer and closer and Naota's playing never slows. I want to knock his guitar out of his hands, but to do that I'd have to stop playing myself… and I know what'll happen if I do that. Soon the moon is so close that even if Naota were to stop playing I'm sure it would still fall to the pull of the Earths own gravity. There was no way out of this anymore. I was going to die.

The worst part about it was that Naota wouldn't even acknowledge our situation. He wouldn't even look up at me, or say anything reassuring. He'd just stare down at the ever-increasing glow of the plant and pluck incessantly at his guitar. I heard him quietly muttering to himself.

"Almost there… almost… a little more."

But I could care less. I just stared up at my impending doom.

"We're going to die," I think I said. "We're all going to die."

"Almost… almost…"

"Can you at least tell me it's alright?"

"Almost there…."

"Just tell me it's going to be okay!"

"Only a bit more…"

"_I hate you_"

"Just a little bit…"

"We're going to die."

"Finally!" he yells as he finally stops playing. The moon slows down to a crawl, but continues its downward decent. It's right above us now and if I wanted to touch it all I'd have to do was jump a few feet. _I could jump and touch the moon._ Let me tell you that the idea sounds a lot more appealing on paper. Naota suddenly looked up to see how close it is and before I can proclaim my absolute loathing for him he yells, "Run!"

And the two of us are running as fast as we can away from the center of the plant: the moon's target. I'm still playing my heart out on my guitar. I really _really_ didn't want to die.

But then I realized something awful… something terrible.

"Gaku and Ninamori!" I yell. They're lying helplessly right near by where the moon would soon touch down. If we didn't do something soon they'd be crushed. Naota swore again. It was starting to sound natural coming from him.

Before I could say anything else he was running back toward the center of the stage… running back toward the moon. His guitar was slung carefully over his shoulder and he was holding it at the neck just as I'd seen him do on one occasion when I'd woken him up in the middle of the night. He seemed ready to do battle. In mid run he called back to me yelling the following words: "Stop playing!"

And for reasons I still don't understand, I complied.

The events to follow happened very fast. It took me some time afterwards to put together all the details. The moon hit the plant at one point and easily broke through the metal. In an instance the red glow disappeared and it was as if it was never there to begin with. I watched with great fascination as Naota was lifted a few feet off the ground by the moon's gravity and catapulted toward the celestial body. As he got closer I saw him wind up for a blow and before his face was planted against the giant space rock, he unleashed his guitar upon it with a mighty swing. A loud noise emanated from the impact, which sounded like a symphony of clashing chords. I barely had time to be surprised by the fact that the moon's downward motion had completely halted. No, I was too busy being dragged through the air myself.

I screamed. Naota hadn't said anything at all about flying. Although I figured it was nice that I'd get to experience it once before I died. But then I thought, "Screw it… why die?" What's the point of dying when you could at least _try_ to live. I brought the guitar over my shoulder in mid-flight and lined up for my swing. "Just aim for the V," I thought and I easily found my mark. It was right where Naota stood, suspended in mid-air strain clearly evident upon his features as his guitar grinded against the mark. I waited until I could see the words "Gibson" before I violently swung the Rickenbacker Bass right between the two points of the guitar.

The clashing of chords sounded again. This time it was a thousand times louder to my ears. It was amazing… I couldn't even believe it.

The thing went flying towards the sky at a speed I would have never thought possible. But I didn't have long to appreciate it as I found myself instantly falling to the ground. Luckily our decent was only a few feet, but I would be lying if I said it didn't hurt. I rubbed at my back and I looked around.

Naota was lying a few feet away from me looking just as rattled from the fall as I was. Gaku and Ninamori were kneeling a couple of yards away. They were both staring up at the sky in wonder. I looked up myself and saw that the moon was still shooting off into the sky. It got smaller and smaller until I just couldn't see it anymore. One thing soon became apparent: wherever the moon was going, we hadn't knocked it back into orbit.

Then I looked back down at Naota and I saw him staring up at the sky. I looked down at the audience. They were back on their feet and staring as well. For the first time since the concert had begun there was uncontested silence.

I stood up and my fellow band members followed suit. We all looked at each other in something akin to confusion. Then there was noise again. Just a little at first, but then in the moments to follow it grew. It took my adrenaline addled brain much longer than it should have to realize that the sound was that of clapping. The four of us looked back at each other and then we stared out at the crowd. The clapping was joined by a chorus of hollering and whistles.

Gaku in his never-ending search for attention took this as a cue to bow. The crowd took that as their cue to grow even louder. Then Ninimori curtsied. And I was incredibly shocked to see Naota bow. I however did nothing of the sort.

We all took our leave of the audience and made our way to the elevator. The audience cheered us straight off the stage. When we reached the bottom of the lift we were met with incredibly confused stare of one John Gregory.

"What the heck was that?" he asked sounding more bewildered than I'd ever seen the man.

I looked over the faces of my fellow band members. Ninamori shrugged. Gaku let out a noise that said something akin to "I don't know". Naota simply stared off into space and smiled. They were _useless_.

I looked back over to John and then looked back at my band. It looked as if I'd have to explain the whole thing. I looked John straight in the eyes and calmly said, "We shot the moon."

----------

Thanks to Eric Blair for pre-reading and some good suggestions

-----------

**AN: **Ah man was this hard to write. I'm not even sure if I like it or not… but here it is. This is the big concert that you've all been waiting for. I find myself at a loss of words. This really is the climax. The next chapter will be the last. Chances are it won't be nearly as long (Almost 25 pages… yeesh!). So I hope you all like it. It's been a fun ride but it's soon coming to a close. I thank you all for being patient with me and for even caring that this chapter has been posted. I know I'm the worst updater this side of the Mississippi, but you can expect the next chapter before the end of my summer vacation. Until next time…


	12. The Sweetest Lie

**The Sweetest Lie**

I have no idea why I offered Naota a ride home that evening. I guess it was mostly because I had said I would do so before the concert and I was a man of my word. But under certain circumstances, it's reasonable to believe that even the noblest men would go against a statement proclaimed in a state of ignorance. After all, the guy did almost get me killed.

"What a great night," said Naota with a sort of dreamy, far off expression on his face. I kept my eyes on the road and opted to say nothing.

"I mean, _what a great night!_"

I don't think I'd ever seen him so energetic. I distinctly remember tightening my hands on the steering wheel.

"Did you see how many people showed up?" he asked. "It was like the whole town was there. And we played so good… it was ten times better than anything we've ever done in practice. Okay, not really ten times better, but you know what I mean. And the moon!"

What was it with him and the moon anyways? I gritted my teeth at the mere mention of the word.

"I knew it was still there! I mean, it had to be out there somewhere. It couldn't have just disappeared. I bet it was just knocked into a different orbit or something… like we could only see it during the day… or something weird like that, huh?"

I refrained from telling him how dumb this explanation was. Honestly I didn't trust myself to speak to him at that moment… I probably would have shouted.

"And he was there, too! We got the Pirate King, Sanji! And we shot the moon! We really shot the moon! How many people can say they did that?"

I stopped the car.

"Get out," I said.

"What are you so upset about?"

I spoke very slowly so that he would understand. "You. Tried. To. _Kill_. Me."

For a moment, Naota frowned at this accusation. But then he allowed himself a small little smirk.

"Well I wouldn't have bothered, if I knew you were going to be so sore about it, Sanji."

I wasn't laughing.

"Oh come on Sanji," he said petulantly. "You can't be mad about it forever. Besides, you have to admit it was pretty cool."

Looking back on it, I guess it was pretty cool, but I wasn't about to tell him that.

"Look, are you going to throw another hissy fit over this? Are you going to hit me again? Or are you just going to cry about it all night?"

"Get out," I said. He was beginning to remind me of Gaku.

Naota slowly opened his door and stepped outside of the car. His face had suddenly turned serious. I took some satisfaction in that fact. After closing the door he stuck his head through the window and spoke again.

"You know," he said. "If there was any other way I could have done it, I would have."

I nodded my understanding. He withdrew his head from the window and just stood there. For a moment, I just sat in my car staring at him, but then I remembered that I was supposed to be driving off angrily. So I shifted into drive, and hit the gas.

"I'll miss you!" shouted Naota before I got too far away. I didn't turn around or answer in any way.

If that was his idea of a joke, it wasn't very funny.

-----------

It was odd seeing Naota sitting on my couch and staring around at the contents of my living room. It was the first time he'd ever been inside my house. To be completely honest, I was surprised that my mother had allowed him to come in. She had been very cautious about the whole ordeal, scanning the horizon for paparazzi and reporters before quickly whispering, "Get in". I don't know why she's so worried about being caught in the public eye. This house hasn't seen any media attention in years. The only person who would even dream of doing a story on our ex-scandalized family would be the father of the boy who she had let though the door.

As I took a seat on the other side of the couch, I tried to track his eyes. For a moment he was looking at a portrait of my dead grandmother. Then he was looking at a piece of pottery on a stand nearby. Next, I think he was appraising our furnishing. Probably wondering how much the colorful furniture cost. But then his eyes settled upon mine and I surprised myself by not looking away.

"Nice place," he said. I glanced around the room as if to confirm this assessment. When I looked back at Naota his eyes were still looking at mine.

"Thanks," I said.

And then he sorta frowned in his odd little way. I suddenly felt a pang of dread creep through me.

"I'm leaving."

"Oh…" was all I could think to say. For a while we were both quiet. I couldn't quit look at him when I spoke next.

"When?"

"I don't know… could be today. Could be a few days from now."

"Is it that woman?" I ask. I hate the look I know I'm giving him. The one filled to the brim with jealousy and spite.

"Yeah."

"Of course… it's always been her hasn't it?"

He wisely kept silent

"I loved you," I said.

He said, "I know."

"Did you ever even like me?" I asked because I had to know. Naota looked almost scandalized at the suggestion. But slowly the shock ebbed away from his face. Leaving his features depressingly neutral once more.

"You're my friend, Ninamori."

I waited for him to continue, but I was only met with silence. Suddenly I felt nothing but repulsion toward the guy. I didn't hate him, really. But I just wanted him to leave.

"Does anyone else know about this?" I asked. I wonder if it was wrong of me to take some enjoyment in seeing him squirm a bit.

"You're the first one," he said quietly.

_How kind of him, _I remember thinking to myself. It was just like Naota to think of me first when it didn't even matter.

"Sanji'll be hurt." I felt bad about these words as soon as they slipped out of my mouth. I knew I was trying to cause him pain.

"I know," said Naota as his eyes found his lap. "That's kinda why I'm here."

He fished around in his hoodie and pulled out an envelope and handed it to me. There were no stamps or addresses listed on it. Only the word "Sanji" spelled out in messy kanji. When I saw it I almost laughed.

"Could you…" said Naota clearly embarrassed. "You know…"

Here he was. Leaving us after all this time. After all the gigs, all the concerts, all the practices, and whatever the heck had happened the day before, he couldn't even say goodbye properly. _How pathetic._

"I know…" did I really say that out loud. "But could you do it anyways?"

I looked into his sad pleading eyes… and I melted. One last time.

"Okay," I said. And I think I must have gotten a little teary eyed. Naota suddenly looked very concerned.

"Are you alright?" he asked.

"Yeah," I said and I felt a tear trickle down my face.

"Are you sure? Are you going to be okay?"

It was pretty funny when I thought about it. He was so concerned that the world would shatter when he left. How highly did he think of himself, to believe that I (or anybody else) wouldn't be perfectly fine without him? I wiped the moisture from my eye with my hand.

"Get out," I said. It seemed fitting that the first time he entered my house would be the first time he got kicked out. You should have seen the look of shock on his face. Nevertheless, he rose and exited.

Later that night, I went somewhere nice to get drunk. I don't know why. It felt like the right thing to do.

----------

I always sort of admired Masashi, in a way. While I never fooled myself into believing that he was a happy person, I was jealous of his ability to understand his situation. He was a guy who almost always knew what it was that he had to do. There was a certain set of codes he followed that seemed to govern his every action. If I had asked him what these codes were, I doubt he'd be able to produce a single one. Because they weren't something as inflexible as rules or guidelines, but more of an intuition of sorts. He was lead by an ever-shifting set of values that easily fluctuated with any given situation. These values often lead to some head-butting between the two of us, but on this one occasion… this last occasion we were in agreement.

A short goodbye is a good goodbye.

"I'm leaving," I said and he nodded. I looked into his dull eyes and saw nothing. This information didn't seem to be a surprise to him. Or maybe he just didn't care.

"You gonna come back?" he asked.

"I don't know."

"I'm sorry," I said. "You know it was me, right?"

I was surprised when he sighed and said, "I thought we went over this last time. I forgive you. Just drop it."

In my defense he had never actually said he forgave me before, but then again I hadn't asked. Negligence by both parties means no one is at fault.

"Well, I guess I'll see you around then," I say, but I sort of wish I hadn't because I have no idea if it's true. Nevertheless I throw out my hand to the chopping block and am surprised that Masashi actually shakes it. I guess all truly is forgiven, or at least the grudge is well hidden.

"Yeah, I guess," is his muted response and as I turn to leave he says, "He's dead, you know."

If a proclamation such as this wouldn't turn me around, I don't know what could.

"Your grandfather?" I ask.

"Yeah."

"How'd he go?" I ask.

"During the concert… there was a power outage all over the city. It knocked out the life-support."

"No back-up generators?" I ask.

"By the time they came on, it was too late," he says.

"That sucks."

Masashi simply shrugs.

"I think you were right about what you said before. Maybe it was just his time, you know?" He gives me this look that clearly says something more than his words ever could.

I nod and for a moment we just stare at each other.

"Take care of yourself," he says. I tell him to do the same. Then we both leave like gentlemen, neither worse off for knowing the other.

I could be wrong, but it looks like his morals have lead the two of us to agree on something else. I'll never be sure… but I think he pulled the plug.

If so, good for him.

------------

The days following after the concert I questioned a lot of things. Everything I thought I understood, seemed to be coming apart at the seems. Things that made a lot of sense before suddenly didn't seem to mesh anymore. But most importantly I realized that I had almost died and I was perfectly okay with that.

_Am I really ok?_

I didn't have the answer to that question. I don't think that anyone who can accept that their life had nearly ended could be classified as "ok". However, I found it hard to really be mad about anything. The initial anger I felt towards Naota and the concert finale as whole had slowly ebbed away. Left in its place was a smug sort of contentment and a vague detachment from my surroundings. I was certainly confused… but more than that, I think I was happy.

The world can end at any moment. All that's needed is the remnants of some far off corporation and a determined kid with guitars, then Bam! Instant Armageddon. It's almost as easy as making ramen (though my noodles always seem a bit too soggy for my liking). Forget food poisoning and car accidents. If somebody has the means and desire they can bring the moon down on your house. It's just that simple. And though I finally realized I lived in such a world, this realization brought me nothing but happiness. There was nothing to worry about anymore. Absolutely nothing.

What's the point of fearing death, when death is something completely out of my hands? My parents died without incident. They didn't piss and moan about it. They just went quietly without a care in the world. I'm sure if there had been a way for them to fight against their demise, they would have. But no such method exists. You can't swing a guitar at a car accident and expect it to go away. Especially when you don't know whether there will even be a car accident, or when said accident will occur.

Having the fear of dying being put completely out of mind for the time being, I took some time out of my life to explore my ever-present fear of living. I wondered if I had ever really taken time out of my busy schedule to sit back and enjoy the finer things in life, such as love, friendship, anger, solitude, and a whole mess of other things that I'd been putting on the back burner for a while. When I pondered on these things, I realized that I'd been experiencing them all along.

I had friends that I liked. Not acquaintances whom I hung around because I knew no one else, but actual friends. Naota… Naota was a jerk. But he was also a cool enough guy to hang around with. He may be a little serious at times (and not serious enough at others), but if I ever got in a knife fight, I could depend on him to be the guy standing behind me with a gun. And maybe his priorities were a little mixed up. It is a little odd to value seeing your girlfriend over your own personal safety, but I suppose in a way I could understand his choice. There really was no other life for him. So he had to make one. I respected that.

Then there was Eri. She's clearly a very pretty girl and honestly just a little too cool for me. What I mean to say is, I'd never exactly pictured myself on the same level as a girl like her. But then again, I'd never picture her hanging out with a guy like Naota either. I think she's a bit too smart for her own good, and way too manipulative. But when she's honest (and I'd like to think I can tell the difference) it's like bottled electricity. Or the glow of Christmas day. Or some other description of the intangible feelings of joy and tenderness that I've come to associate with the girl. And hey, she's a good kisser to boot.

Masashi is a tad bit more moody than I'd like. And Gaku… I don't even want to talk about Gaku. But I figure the two of them are tolerable. That is to say, they're okay guys. So I guess I'd keep them around, assuming neither of them hated me.

So having these thoughts in mind, I made my way back to my apartment on that second day. I was feeling oddly optimistic. I thought when I got inside that I'd make a few phone calls to Naota and Ninamori. Maybe see if they wanted to hang out (or maybe make out, in the case of Ninamori). But when I opened the door, I was in for a bit of a shock.

"You're a dork," said Ninamori letting out an unnaturally high-pitched giggle. It didn't sound very Ninamori-like at all.

She was standing in the middle of my living room and gazing at my collection of movies. I don't know why everyone seems to be so shocked that I own a bunch of American flicks. So I like American culture. Sue me. She was wearing a black knee length dress with white high heels. Maybe if there had been a speck of white in the rest of her ensemble it would have matched decently well, but the shoes seemed to spring out at me and scream, "I'm unnecessarily white!"

Oh, and also she was drunk out of her mind.

"Ninamori?" I called out her name hesitantly. It was taking some time for me to adjust to her presence in my living space. She, however, had no problem moving into action. Clumsily making her way to where I was standing at the door, she placed herself at an uncomfortably close distance to my face. But she managed to steer clear of any physical contact. At least for the time being.

"Why do you always call me that, huh?" she asked staring at me with wide childish eyes. "Ninamori this, and Ninamori that. Why can't you just call me Eri? Isn't Eri a nice name?"

"Everyone calls you Ninamori," I say.

"Are you everyone?" I'm a little confused at this question so I keep quiet. I mean, is that supposed to be an accusation, or some sort of philosophical argument. I'm still not sure. "You're going to have to start calling me Eri sometime. When we get married are you still going to call me…" But she trailed off into silence. And after a moments hesitation she clasped her hand tightly to her mouth, like a little kid who just blew a big secret.

"I shouldn't have said that," she said looking almost afraid. Then she added in a commanding voice. "Forget it, now."

Feeling rather embarrassed at these implications myself, I decided the best course of action would be to change the subject.

"How did you get in here?" I ask, but I'm not the only one who has the power of subject changing.

"Do you like my dress?" she asks out of the blue. "The dress is my mother's. She's always wearing stuff that's too short. But on me it fits just right because I'm shorter than her." She put a hand down towards the bottom of the dress for emphasis. "See it comes right down to my knees, right where I want it. But on mother it's all the way up here." And to show this she pulls the dress up to a point high on her thigh.

Of course this does nothing to answer any of my questions. All it does is make me imagine her mother in short length dresses, which really wasn't what I wanted to be thinking about at the moment. But since she had brought up the subject, I couldn't help but feel that she was exaggerating a bit. There was no way her mother was that much taller than her. But I didn't dwell on this too long because Ninamori still had her dress pulled up to display her legs and it was making me a tad uncomfortable.

So I ask her again, "Ninamori, how did you get here?"

She finally lowers her dress and pouts. "Are you mad? I knew you'd be mad. Even after I got all dressed up for you. And you never dress up for me. Don't you like to dress up?"

"That's not the poin-"

"It's nice to dress up Sanji. I took a long shower so I felt very clean. And then I borrowed Mom's dress." It was almost comical how serious she was when she added, "Don't tell her though because she doesn't know. But you can tell about the shoes, because the shoes are mine. You aren't going to tell about the dress are you?"

"No, I won't tell about the dress but-"

"I feel much better when I dress up because I look good. You think I look good don't you?" But she left me no room to answer. "It's all about confidence. When you're confident you can say and do what you want and no one can stop you. That's what daddy said. Confidence is freedom."

But I couldn't take it any longer.

"Ninamori, You're drunk."

"I know, I know," she says and I get the feeling she's been waiting for me to say this. "But it's all okay. I brushed my teeth, so the plan would work. Oh, but you don't know about the plan. I used your toothbrush, Sanji. I'm so sorry."

I'm still not sure how I feel about her using my toothbrush. Of course, by now I've already purchased a new one. But for a while I couldn't help but feel a little awkward every time I brushed my teeth. I didn't want to just throw the old toothbrush out though because that'd be like saying that I thought her mouth was disgusting. Which is not the case. Still you have to admit that it's strange to have someone else use your toothbrush. It's just too personal. Even if you've had the other person's tongue in your mouth. But maybe that's just how I feel about it.

Moving on.

"What plan?"

"The plan is a secret," she says in whispers, and it has to be one of the cutest things I've heard in a long time. But I have no time to be wowed by cuteness as I feel the need to take responsibility for Ninamori. Even if her breath is minty fresh, she is still drunk as a skunk. And I have to make sure she's going to be all right. I thought briefly about calling her parents, but I didn't want her to get in any trouble. So I figured I'd just have to take care of her myself.

Upon closer observation, she looked as if she could pass out at any moment, but that was clearly not her intention. Somehow she managed to move even closer to my person. For a moment she just stood there staring into my eyes. I felt something stir inside of me.

"Ninamori," I say and my tone makes it clear that I know what she's thinking and that I don't think it's such a good idea. It's not that I'm not interested in kissing her at the moment. I'm just not so used to making out with drunk people. If you're not also drunk, then it's almost as bad as making out with a blow up doll. Albeit, a blow up doll that's breathing and kissing you back. But that's not the point. I'd at least like her to be aware of what she's doing.

She gets up on her tipi toes and leans in to kiss me and I can't help but feel like the biggest jerk alive when I turn my head. But this does little, if nothing to stop her. Instead of aiming for my lips, her kiss lands somewhere along the right side of my jaw. I'm naturally surprised by this. But then she attacks again directly under my chin. And again at my neck. And once more right above the collar of my shirt. This is infinitely worse for my resolve than a kiss on the lips. Next she's tugging at my shirt and despite my gasps of surprise she continues to lift it up. But she only gets the shirt as far as my armpits as I refuse to raise my arms for her. I'm not that far gone. She throws a few more kisses at my neck and I shut my eyes to keep my tenacity.

She pulls back to better raise my shirt, which allows me to finally get a handle over the situation. When she finally realizes that I'm not cooperating she gives me this look of annoyance and confusion. I didn't want to do it, but I had no other choice. I stared right back at her and resolutely said, "No."

I knew it wasn't my fault, and I knew a lot of it was due to the alcohol, but I absolutely hated myself when she began to cry.

"Oh… come on… don't…" I say as I see her face erupt in agony as the tears began to well up in her eyes. She lets out an unrestrained sob and I feel the intensity of it like a jolt in my heart. I'd consider running a knife through myself, if I thought it would make her stop. Instead, I circled an arm around her shoulders and led her to the couch. She put up no resistance whatsoever, collapsing into me as we landed on the furniture. She desperately wrapped her arms around my back and cried harshly into my chest. I have yet to experience a more heart-breaking scene.

"Eri," I say soothingly, making sure to use her first name. "It's okay." She let loose another cry of anguish and I awkwardly rubbed her back. "I'm sorry. It's all going to be alright."

Somehow she manages to find her voice, but what she says almost makes me wish she hadn't.

"You. Hate. Meeeeeee!" she cries. Each word is separated by a ragged intake of breath.

"No!" I say strongly. "Of course I don't, Eri. You're one of my best friends."

She takes a moment and composes herself… well at least a little. It's clear that she's still crying, but it seems as if she's got it under some measure of control. But I feel horrible about the sadness of her tone.

"But you always liked him better."

And suddenly I feel numb. It's clear that she's talking about Naota. What an awful accusation to make? But I couldn't bring myself to refute it. As if roused by my prolonged silence, Ninamori stares up at me with her tear streaked face. At least there's no make up running from it. She never did wear much of the stuff. But there was no mistaking her expression. I would have had to work extremely hard not to notice the anger etched upon her face.

"I…" I start, but decide to switch directions. "You make it sound like some sort of competition."

"But it is!" she insisted. "You broke up with me for him. And you always pick him over me!"

"That's not true," I say. I wasn't even sure if I was lying or not. The words just naturally slipped out. "And breaking up with you was a mistake."

"And you always smile at him," she adds in her defense. She suddenly seems sad again. "You never smile at me that way."

I have no idea what to say to this. No idea at all. So I just pull her close. And I kiss her forehead. And I stroke her hair as gently as possible. For a while Ninamori seems content with this. I can feel her body shaking as she leans up against me, but she's finally stopped crying. When she spoke again, the passion was gone from her voice. All that was left was sadness.

"The plan didn't work," she says, but I just keep quiet. "Why couldn't you just let me?"

I look down at her, but she's not meeting my eyes at all. She's staring off into some spot in the room that doesn't look particularly interesting.

"You were supposed to kiss me," she says, but I'd already gathered that much on my own. "And you were supposed to hold me. And then we'd go to your room. And you'd take me."

"Take you?" I couldn't help but say those words aloud. It was just a bit surprising.

"I would have told you I was on the pill, so it'd be okay. You would have believed me too. But why didn't you kiss me?"

And suddenly I wanted her to shut up. The way she said that made it clear that she wasn't "on the pill". I really didn't want to hear anymore, because I didn't like where this plan was going.

"He's probably gone now, Sanji."

"Who's gone?"

"I loved him and now he's gone."

A terrible thought ran through my head. "Are you talking about Naota?"

"But you wouldn't have left. You'd have stayed to take care of me. You wouldn't make me take care of it alone."

I had stopped stroking her hair by then. My mind was on a completely different track than hers. "Wait a second. Where is Naota?" I asked.

"What difference does it make?" she said with surprising force. "Probably with that woman."

"Of course!" I thought aloud. "The girl!"

But I couldn't understand how he could possibly be leaving. He didn't say a word to me. He didn't even mention the possibility. And he certainly didn't say goodbye.

But then the words, "I'll miss you" rang clearly through my head. I felt my eyes widen.

I was up in a second and ready to move. I moved to the door and put on my shoes as fast as I could. Then headed to my closet to grab my jacket. But before I could pull a single arm into a sleeve, there was a force pulling on me.

"Don't go."

My motion stopped completely at these words. She had gotten up from her position on the couch and clutched at my arm with no intentions of letting go. When I looked into her face, I saw the beginnings of fresh tears welling there. I was instantly frozen in place.

"Stay."

If I hadn't been convinced before, the soft desperation in her voice was sure to do the trick. There was no way I could leave her then. It was simply impossible.

I let her lead me back to the couch were we settled into the same position. Only she connected her hands around my back, as if to physically restrain me from leaving. I slipped off my shoes and stared into her unsmiling face. She stared back into mine for a moment, before once again laid her head upon my chest. Though my arms were somewhat trapped, I managed to hold out my jacket and drape it over her shoulders. As I did so, she let out a small sigh. Though she had to be tired to the point of exhaustion, she continued to throw glances up at my face, as if to visually confirm that I was there. We stayed that way for hours until she finally fell asleep.

Even after she began to snore, it was a while before I worked up the courage to break free of her hold. I slipped silently from under her and gently laid her down on the couch. I made sure she was on her side, just incase she had some trouble keeping her stomach fluid down in the middle of the night. I even went into the kitchen and grabbed the small trashcan I keep in there, placing it beside where her head lay.

After that, it was pretty much easy. I slipped my shoes back on, but left her the jacket. It might get cold. I grabbed my keys off the coffee table and made my way to the door. As I slowly opened it as not to make much noise, I surprised myself by saying a little prayer. It felt like the first time I'd prayed in years.

I silently asked God for two things:

To allow me to find Naota. And to make it back before Ninamori wakes.

I don't think I could have lived with myself if I let her down again.

---------------

I showed up at the grassy spot by the bridge at about nine. I wasn't sure if she'd show up there or not. But I did know she wouldn't arrive until it was dark There was a variety of places she could land her Vespa, but I had a feeling she'd show up here. It just felt right. But it didn't really matter where I was. She'd find me eventually. This time was different than all the others. This time she wasn't on some mission. She was coming for me.

I didn't really expect her to show up the night of the concert. There was no way for me to know just how far away she was coming from, or even how fast it takes her to travel any distance. I just camped out in the grass with my backpack full of clothes, and my guitar. Playing a few notes now and then, I looked up towards the stars and waited. Unsurprisingly, nothing happened. There were a few times when I jumped to attention at the passing of a satellite through the night sky, but other than that there was nothing much to get excited about. At about 5 AM I pulled a blanket over myself and settled down to sleep. She'd come when she came. There was no reason to worry about it.

But that night I wasn't disappointed. I only had to wait until 2 AM before I spotted the approaching light in the distance. It was a surreal sight if I'd ever seen one. The headlights of the Vespa blinded me as it made its decent from the sky. As it approached the ground it slowed down notably. However, when the motorbike touched down a few meters in front of me I heard a harsh curse word emanate from its driver. She'd hit the ground a bit harder than she expected. She stepped off the bike, leaving her helmet to dangle off of the handlebars. My breath caught in my throat.

For the first time in months, there stood in front of me Haruko Haruhara.

Her hair had grown longer since the last time I'd seen her. Much too long actually. While it had once been short enough to be considered shoulder length, it now reached all the way down to her waist. It didn't make sense that it could grow so long in such a short period of time. This generous amount of hair was in no way well groomed. It had previously been stuffed inside her riding helmet. Having been loosed from its bounds, it now appeared frazzled and curled. If it weren't for the vibrant nature of her expression, I would have guessed that she'd just woken up moments before. She was wearing the exact same clothes she wore the first time I saw her. With her long red jacket slightly unzipped revealing the white long-sleeved t-shirt beneath, and those shiny black pants that looked too gaudy to be authentic leather. The ensemble was completed with a scarf, a pair of matching gloves, the goggles resting upon her head, and the double-necked guitar hanging from her back.

Haruko looked like an alien.

"Hey, Ta-kun," she said grinning wildly. "You rang?"

I'm still not sure exactly how it happened. She might have walked towards me, or I might have walked towards her, or maybe we both walked towards each other. All I know is that I somehow found myself within her arms. I held her close and rested my head on her shoulder. Though she had a few inches on me, we were about the same height then so it was more or less a natural fit. We stayed that way for several long moments until Haruko decided to pull back. I was glad, however, that she stayed within arms reach. I honestly didn't want to let her go.

"I know you missed me Ta-kun, but they'll be time for that later." Her eyes held me almost mystified. I couldn't believe she'd finally come. "I want to know everything you did while I was off defending the universe from certain doom."

I couldn't help but smile. There was no way I'd take her words at face value.

"There's nothing to tell," I say.

"Come on Ta-kun. Tell me about all the fun you've had while I've been away." Her crazy grin widens. "Did you grow any facial hair? Play some good music? Kiss any girls?"

I can't stand myself for blushing. It was like I was 12 again. Her teasing is my one true weakness. But I held her gaze and stayed my ground.

"It was all for you," I said breathlessly. She looks almost surprised at this response. For a moment her smile falters, and I thought I even caught a splash of pink on her cheeks. But soon the moment is gone and her smile is back in full force. I wouldn't have her any other way.

"You've grown up, Ta-kun," she says and I'm sure she's not talking about my height. "Looks like my little Earth boy is finally becoming a little Earth man."

And I continue to blush. Her half-complements are just as bad as her teasing, if not worse. I lap up her words of praise like water in a doggie bowl. And I don't know why, but I desperately want to touch her again. I want to feel a part of her against me. Any part would do. So I reach out my hand and my palm brushes gently against her cheek. I know I'm sweating and I know I'm shaking and I know that neither of us truly cared. I take a small step forward and I find myself leaning in to capture her lips. I wanted them pressed firmly against mine for a moment in time. No motion. No tongue. No lust. Just the constant pressure of connection gained from a long chaste kiss.

But it didn't quite go down that way. Haruko, whose eyes had flickered briefly from mine, spoke several words that completely shattered the moment.

"Who invited Taro-kun?"

I follow her eyes and turn to look behind me. Walking toward the two of us is Sanji, with Haruko's old Rickenbacker guitar slung over his shoulder. I think briefly of fleeing, but it was clear that he'd already seen us. To knowingly dip out on him like that would just be impolite.

"Sup Naota?" calls Sanji from a distance. He's still walking and doesn't come to a stop until he's about 2 feet away from the two of us. He wasn't smiling, nor was he frowning. His expression was that of unreadable calm and that made me worried. He gives a glance toward Haruko and casually asks, "So that's the chick, huh?"

I nod in affirmative.

Haruko, now standing shoulder to shoulder with me, looks down at me and asks, "A friend of yours?"

Again I nod. "Could you give us a few minutes?" I ask her. She too nods, but makes no motion to leave us. I sighed in frustration. She still had all the manners of a four year old. But at least she remained quiet from then on out.

"What, no goodbye?" says Sanji with a bit of a smirk. My stomach aches with guilt.

"Didn't Ninamori give you the letter?"

"No," said Sanji with a shake of his head. "She wasn't in much of a condition to remember it, I suppose."

I don't question him as to what this means. I'm not sure if I had the right anymore. I was leaving. As far as I was concerned I was already gone. But there were still things that needed saying. So I said them.

"I'm sorry, Sanji."

"Don't sweat it," he says as he waves off my words. "I understand. It's rough."

"Yeah, but still…"

"No, no, I get it. I'm actually flattered really. I'm the really bright star, huh?"

I find myself grinning. He remembered that stupid analogy of mine. Sanji was always good for stuff like that. Remembering the little details. But his next words wipe the smile from my face.

He looks over at Haruko and says, "But I'm still not brighter than the moon."

I'm at a lost of words. I find myself stuttering.

"I… I… it's not that simple."

"Of course not," says Sanji and for some reason he's shaking his head. "It's more than that."

"You have to understand," I say. "I worked so hard for this. You know… this is what it's all been for. If I knew that it would be this way… maybe I would have worked towards a different goal. But it's too late now. I made my decision months ago. It's much too late."

"Right," said Sanji. "It all worked out as planned, I guess. But you know what?" And he smiles this unhealthy smile at me. "I realized something on the car ride here. I'm not a good friend Naota. I'm not a very good friend at all."

I found myself frowning. "You're my best friend, Sanji."

"No I'm not," he says and his smile widens weirdly. It actually looks sad. "I'm actually your worst enemy."

He takes his guitar from the strap on his shoulder and I'm deeply confused. But when he grabs it by the neck and throws the heavy end over his shoulder, there's no way I can mistake his actions. I look over to Haruko at my side. She seems to be examining her nails. I look back at Sanji and my confusion rises.

"Sanji?" I ask feeling nervous to the point of fear.

"I'm not your friend Naota," he says repeating himself. "Because everything you've worked for, everything you've fought so hard to gain this past year, is what I plan to take away."

I catch the dangerous look in his eyes and I manage to slip my guitar from around my back just in time. He rushes forward with the Rickenbacker, ready to swing for the skies. I raise my guitar in defense and it looked as if I'd have just enough time to block. But he was faster than I thought, and his attack held one crucial surprise: He was aiming at Haruko.

I thrust my guitar in front of her in the nick of time, absorbing the brunt of the attack, but still being overpowered by his momentum. Haruko leans backward with a flexibility that I hadn't expected and let out a cackle of a laugh.

"This should be good," she says, but no one else laughs. I don't remember ever being so pissed off in my life.

Sanji's a smart guy. He doesn't say anything stupid like, "Get out of the way" or "You're not the one I'm after." He just pulls back his guitar and readies another swing. This one is aimed at my side and I barely lower my guitar to block in time. The force of the impact sends the edge of my flying V into my hip and it feels more than a little uncomfortable. I knew I'd have a bruise there, but it definitely could have been worse.

Sanji pulls back his guitar again and prepares to wind up for another blow. But I'm ready for him this time. I trust out my guitar driving one of the points right into his stomach. He groans a bit and doubles over and for a second I think I've won. But he takes his guitar in a swiping motion and attacks at my legs near the ankle. There's no way I can block him this time. The pain is instantaneous.

Having caught me off balance, he moves backwards a bit and tries to regain his bearings. My jab at his guts, seemed to take a bit out of him, but he wasn't ready to give up quite yet. He looks at me, then he looks at Haruko and his decision is made in an instance. He takes two big steps toward his original target and swings at her forehead in a downward slash.

But no, I wasn't going to let it go down like that.

I'm not sure how I reached the two of them in time, but I raised my guitar over my head, holding it at the base and neck, and somehow managed to block the hit. The two of us stood in conflict like that for a while. Sanji trying his hardest to force the Rickenbacker downward, and me doing my best to resist him. Haruko, who hadn't so much as flinched, stood behind me laughing even harder.

And then I got an idea. I lowered my guitar quickly and sidestepped from under the attack. Sanji, still attempting his downward thrust, drove his guitar straight toward the ground. The surprise on his face was evident. He tried to bring his guitar back up to a reasonable defensive stance, but I was much too quick for him. I gave everything I had as I swung my guitar against the side of his face. His head went spinning as he fell toward the ground… the sound was sickening.

"Oooooh!" said Haruko. I could just picture her wincing behind my back. I really hadn't meant to hit him that hard. Dropping my guitar, I rushed toward my fallen friend. My heart was racing. He wasn't moving.

"You hit him pretty hard," said Haruko and I couldn't help but be annoyed at her lack of concern.

"I know that," I say as I kneel down to check him. His chest was rising and falling. That was a good sign. I placed two fingers to his neck and found a pulse. That was a good sign too.

"Where should we put the body?" asked Haruko. "Do you think anybody'll miss him?"

"We're not going to move him!" I yell, but this only causes Haruko to smile.

"Aw, Ta-kun's all concerned about his little friend."

I'm not paying attention to her anymore. I was already thinking of a plan. I couldn't just leave him there unconscious like that.

"I'll use my cell phone," I say. "I'll call 1-1-9."

I knew it wasn't likely that they'd try to trace the call, but I figured it was worth a shot. I dialed the number and the operator picked up.

"Please state your location and the nature of your emergency."

"Help him!" I tried to say it urgently, but I'm not sure how good my acting skills were. So I just set the phone down by where Sanji lay and hoped that someone would come to get him soon. And then I didn't know what to do. I just stood there staring at Sanji, feeling horrible about what I'd done, even though he was the one who'd attacked me first.

"So what now?" asked Haruko. "Can we go?"

And I remember how absolutely annoying this woman could be.

"Give me a second, alright!"

"Okay, okay," says Haruko sounding offended. "You sure have gotten touchy over the years, Ta-kun."

I ignore her snide comments and head back over to the patch of grass where I dropped my guitar. I pick it up and lay it gently by Sanji's side. I couldn't help but feel that there was some symbolism in this. It felt like the right thing to do. When a guitar smacks you in the face, it should belong to you or something… actually that made a lot more sense to me at the time. Looking back on it, I realize it wasn't the most coherent idea I'd ever had.

But I was distracted from these thoughts. As I stared down at Sanji, I realized that this was likely to be the last time I ever saw him. It was a realization that brought a lot of sadness and regret in its wake. I don't know why I did what I did next… I guess I was just caught up in the moment. I bent down low to Sanji's face and… well don't think I'm gay or weird or anything… but I kissed him on the forehead. It just seemed like the appropriate thing to do.

After that, I was done with him. I got up and turned my back away from the person that is Sanji Miyamoto. The only thing that laid in that direction was sadness and regret. Instead I looked forward towards the future. I looked right into Haruko's serious eyes.

"You really loved him, huh Ta-kun?"

I smiled weakly. This hurt more than I thought it would.

"Yeah… I guess I did."

Haruko rustled my hair and smiled at me.

"Come on, let's get out of here before _the man_ comes." She was referring to the emergency response vehicles. "You'll be okay, kid. You're made of some pretty tough stuff."

I think she'll still call me a kid when I'm eighty.

She mounted her Vespa and patted the spot behind her. I put on my backpack, hopped on the back of the bike, and wrapped my arms around her waist. But she turned herself around and lowered her helmet over my head.

"Got to protect that dome of yours," she said rapping lightly at the helmet. "You've still have a lot of sensitive information in there that you've got to tell me."

She then twisted her head back around at a rapid speed, sending hair flying into my face. That change was going to take some getting used to.

"And what information do you want me to tell?" I ask already knowing her answer.

"Oh not much really," she says. "I'd just like to know how you generated all that N.O. a few days ago."

I smirk at the back of her head. I'm not _that_ easy. "Like I'd really tell you that now. You'd be gone before I finished the last sentence."

Haruko turned back towards me with that vicious grin in place. I'm not sure if she'd ever been more beautiful in my eyes.

"You really have grown up Ta-kun," she says almost motherly. And then she whips her head around again and I can feel the stinging lash of her hair on my cheek.

She revs up the engine on the bike and I can feel it vibrating heavily under us. I remember thinking that if the whole trip was going to feel like that, I'd probably jump ship halfway through. But then we started to move and the vibrations calmed down a bit. We picked up some speed on the bike and it looked as if we were going to crash into the river. But then Haruko pulled back on the handlebars and I felt the front tire lift. In moments we were air born and I had never felt more unstable in my life. So I clutched harder at Haruko and snuggled myself close. But my fear was all for nothing as we continued to rise into the sky.

It was the first time I left Earth.

------------

When I woke up in the grass it was still dark outside. The sound of a dial tone blaring in my ear did nothing for my aching head. I searched around clumsily until I found the phone by my head and turned it off. It took me a second to recognize my surroundings and even longer to remember what happened.

He hit me… 

Oh well. I would have done the same thing if I were in his situation. I had _tried_ to do the same thing to him, but it looked as if I'd failed. They were gone without a trace. The only evidence of them every being there was the phone in my hand and Naota's flying V guitar. I picked it up, along with the Rickenbacker and headed back to my car.

The drive back was short, but significant. I realized, most importantly, that my best friend was gone. Despite my best efforts he had left. He wasn't coming back on my account and there was nothing I could do about it. When I reached the parking lot of the Rocking Stones Bar and Grill, I parked the car and put my head in my hands. I didn't cry or anything. I just held my head and thought about all that had happened.

After I was done sulking, I got out of the car and headed up to my apartment where Ninamori sat up on the couch waiting.

"You left," she said blankly and I felt a sudden dread steal over my heart.

"I came back," I said. She nodded in agreement.

"You came back."

I walked over to where she sat and put an arm around her shoulder. She leaned into me and grabbed my other hand into both of hers. She lightly caressed my hand and said soothing words as I cried.

We never talked about that night again.

When we woke up later that afternoon she gave me the letter. We read it together. It wasn't as grandiose as I had imagined. In fact, the majority of it was merely instruction as to how to take care of the band.

He told me to get Masashi back on board, a task which proved to be relatively easy. When I approached him and asked him to join, he was almost eager. I guess it was true that his only problem with the band had been Naota. He was happy to join us again as base guitarist. I took up lead.

He also told me to settle our debt with the city. The whole "moon crashing into building" incident had caused a few damages to the Medical Mechanica plant. So we had to dip into our studio-recording fund in order to pay for them. It didn't cost nearly as much as I'd have expected. It only took us an extra two months of working in John's bar before we had the money necessary to record again. Even Ninamori pitched in and got a job, something that astonished Gaku more than anybody.

I was surprised that Naota left "Gaku instructions". He basically told me that if I wanted Gaku to act right, all I had to do was give him some praise every now and then. The guy was a glutton for positive reinforcement. To my surprise this actually worked out decently well. We still butted heads a bit, but for the most part he was easier to handle than before.

The Ninamori instructions were much more vague and a lot less helpful. In this small section of the letter he merely wrote, "Take care of her." I'm not sure, but I think I did a good enough job of that. I always tried my hardest to stay by her side.

That was about it for the instructions. The rest of it was merely an apology. I've read the letter over and over since I got it, but this is the only part I've manage to memorize word for word.

_I'm sorry Sanji… I wanted to say all this to you in person, but well… I'm a wimp. I've never been as strong as I tried to look. I just did the best I could Sanji… it was all I could do. I know I've left you with all this responsibility. And I'm still not sure if it's fair to leave all this on your shoulders._

_But I meant what I said that day. I don't leave without settling things and I don't take without giving back._

_I've left you with everything I had. You've got my band. You've got my friends. And you've got my girl. It's all I had to give._

_And yet somehow I can't help but feel that you were still the better friend._

_I'll miss you man. Take care of yourself, and try not to mess up any of my stuff._

_-Naota Nandaba_

When I finished the letter, I couldn't help but laugh. The irony of it all was almost too much to take. After all we'd been through and all of this time, Naota had finally lied to me. And the funny thing was that he hadn't even lied to me in person. He'd waited to write it down in a letter. I couldn't believe he'd said it either. It just seemed so out of character for him.

Anyone with half a brain could tell that he was the better friend.

-----------

Thanks to Eric Blair for meaning to pre-reading (I got unreasonably impatiant and decided to post without him). If any of you likes Evangelion you should really go and check out some of his stuff out.

**------------**

**AN:** Thank you to everyone who continued to follow this story to the end. This one's for you. Feel free to ask any questions.

Also I do not support or promote euthanasia. I don't even know any Asian kids that well… (Bad joke I know).

**Bonus Stuff!**

(Everything you never wanted to know about The Sweetest Lies)

**The title:** I'll be the first to admit that the title barely fits the story. The only reason that this story is entitled "The Sweetest Lies" is because Naota doesn't lie. Yes I know, the ending scene seems to reflect the theme of the overall title and this chapter, but the only reason that the scene exists is BECAUSE I wanted to reflect the theme of the title. Luckily this worked out well and I was able to weave this detail into the story without making it feel forced. In fact, I like the ending scene as I feel (and this might just be the afterglow of finishing) that it brings up all the feelings that exemplify the overall message of this story.

**The Overall Message of this story: **Basically the message is that friendship is cool. And that it's better to have a good friend than have a boyfriend/girlfriend. But of course this part of the message is voided if you find a boyfriend/girlfriend who doubles as a good friend because then you've hit the jackpot. And really, I guess I've got a small chip on my shoulder when it comes to romance stories (even though I like a lot of good romance stories). I think it's pretty average to have a story where the most important relationship is between that of a guy and girl who love each other. So to mix it up a bit, I made my most important relationship between a guy and a guy. And I didn't even have to make them homosexual. The only reason I picked Sanji and Naota instead of Ninamori and "Sanja" is because I'm a guy and I understand how guys think (I have no idea what lies within the mind of women). You see, romance is not necessary for love. And just because you are romantically involved with someone doesn't mean that you love them more than anyone else. Also, I think I'm rambling a bit. So instead of saying anything else of any importance I'll just repeat what I said earlier. Friendship is cool.

**The Sanji show: **Sanji was supposed to be a bit part character originally. I needed a drummer and at the time I didn't want to write someone as annoying as Gaku… I probably didn't have the skill to do it well anyways. So I thought up Sanji. I said to myself, "He needs a gimmick". So I killed his parents and made him American. Then I thought to myself, "He needs a personality" so I gave him a bit of mine (not the whole thing… he couldn't handle it). That's why he's got the whole "I think too much" complex going on. Go figure. And despite all this "character" I had tried to instill in him, his dialogue still read like a Gary-Stu from way back when. At least this was true in the earlier chapters (back then Naota felt a little Garyish himself). But as time grew on I found myself drawn to writing Sanji. After all, he's the only character in the story who is adjusting to the new group of friends and whatnot. Also, his presence was the only way I could let any resemblance of romance creep into the story. Naota/Ninamori… well Naota already wanted Haruko. Ninamori/Masashi… just didn't seem right. Ninamori/Gaku… come on, she has standards. While originally I had no plans whatsoever to make Sanji one of the central characters of the fic, as I saw his friendship with Naota blossoming, I couldn't help but love it. So this dynamic ended up being the focal point of the fic. And since Naota is semi-mysterious and the mastermind of all things "behind the scenes", a lot of the story had to be told through Sanji's point of view, since he is both ignorant of Naota's plot and close to Naota. In short, he stole the show. Taking most of the scenes in the latter part of the fic. Oh my god, I wrote a self-insert (kinda)… somebody shoot me.

**What's the deal with Masashi? **I had no idea how to write Masashi at first. So I winged it.

**What's the deal with Naota? **I wanted Naota to take control and not to lie... even if this didn't quite fit his character. During the beginning of the story I almost completely ignored the fact that he was acting out of character. I cited poor excuses like, "He's been really hurt by Haruko's actions" and "many years have passed. I personally call bull crap on these earlier excuses. Later in the story I began to realize how grossly out of character he was and tried to bridge the Naota I created with the Naota of the series. I think he's a little better towards the end. Almost recognizable even.

**Drunken Ninamori? **Not as funny as you'd think. She's pretty screwed up actually, and that scene shows a glimpse of it. There's a reason she steals her mother's dress and talks about her father. These are the people who left her first. Her father with his work. And her mother with her lack of visible caring. She fears abandonment more than anything, so when Naota leaves, it hits her pretty hard. So She thinks, "how do I stop anyone else important from leaving me?" And she realizes that the only person who's really left TO leave her is Sanji. So she gets drunk, comes up with the "Secret Plan" and the rest is history.

**Gaku Pukes: **That was a really fun scene to write. I mean a really, really fun scene to write.

**Haruko: **I was somewhat afraid that I'd mess Haruko up, but I think I like the end results. The long hair was my personal twist on her. I think it's one of my better ideas. And the way she acts, is well… I think it's pretty much similar to the series. She hasn't changed a bit. She's still selfish. She's still teasing and alluring and all that jazz. She's still Haruko… or at least I hope it turned out that way.

**Naota's love: **The way Naota feels towards Haruko is very tender. My interpretation of the series is that he almost loves her like his mother. Except he thinks she's very hot. And he admires her carefree nature. And he knows she's not a good person. And all these impressions of the women get screwed up in his head so that the only sense he can make of it is, "I just love her".

I think the short paragraph where he wants to kiss her is… something… I'm not sure. I just liked writing that too. I could see it clearly in my head. But I guess that's a bit off topic. Really the truth is, Naota is pretty sprung. He's been sprung for years.

**Planning: **There was no planning at first. I originally wrote this after the writing high of "The Art of the Swing". I just wanted to write something as good as that… and I more or less failed. Overall this story isn't as good. But towards the end of the story the chapters did begin to improve to somewhere along that level. This chapter and the last chapter were more or less planned out ahead of time. By the time I reached the "in the blink of an eye" chapter I had already planned out a rough idea as to how it would end. This included the ending concert scene (even a bit of the song), The drunken Ninamori scene, The Naota/Sanji fight, and Naota's letter.

**Fight Night: **The Naota/Sanji fight was my first attempt at ever writing a fight scene. I have no idea if it's good or not. I think it's alright. It's quick enough to be almost believable. Almost

**The Song: **the song came to me after thinking really really hard about what I'd write down for the song. Basically I wrote it to some music (which also popped into my head) that somewhat resembles something that Maroon 5 would sing to. Only that's nothing like what I'd imagined Naota's band to sound like. But since you can't hear the music, it doesn't matter. I could have written the lyrics to the tune of a country hit.

**Astronomy:** I used to really like astronomy. Thus the "moon" and "star" metaphors. Mystery solved.

**Character ratings (greatest to least)**

**Honesty:** Naota (duh), Masashi, Gaku, Ninamori, Sanji (the last two are debatable…)

**Kindness: **Sanji, Gaku, Naota, Ninamori, Masashi (again… debatable)

**Ability to love: **Naota, Ninamori, Sanji, Masashi, Gaku

**Annoyingocity: **Gaku, Sanji, Naota, Masashi, Ninamori

**Charm: **Ninamori, Sanji, Masashi, Naota, Gaku

**Calmness: **Masashi, Ninamori, Naota, Sanji, Gaku

**Coolness: **Ninamori, Naota, Masashi, Sanji, Gaku

**Sense-o-humor (quality wise): **Ninamori, Sanji, Naota, Gaku, Masashi

**Complexity:** Ninamori, Sanji, Naota, Gaku, Masashi (maybe…)

**Overall liked by me: **Three way tie between Ninamori, Sanji, and Naota, then Gaku, then Masashi

**End Character ratings**

**My overall impressions: **I liked it. It was fun to write and some of the scenes felt almost real to me. The writing and plot could be better, but as far as I'm concerned, it's not half-bad.


End file.
